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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be pised off that everyone is being so negative about DH and I TTC Baby Number 2?

51 replies

BrokenBananaTantrum · 18/09/2009 09:10

DH and I are just starting to think about TTC again. Our DD is 3.2. So far everyone I have mentioned this too has had negative comments.

"2 are soooo much harder than 1"
well yes I don't have rose tinted specs on

"They'll fight all the time" surley not all the time they will have to sleep at some point

"It's not fair on DD as she is used to having you all to yourselves" Yes but a sibling relationship can be very special too.
etc etc etc.

By friend (Who I met when I first had DD) rolled her eyes and said "oh no why would you want another? Her DD is same age as mine.

AIBU to pissed off that nobody is looking on the positive side of bringing a new person into the world and making our family complete?

Oh sorry My mum is pleased tho MIL is trying to put DH off.

OP posts:
diddl · 18/09/2009 10:30

I can´t help but wonder why people announce to family & friends that they are trying to concieve-and then get annoyed when it´s commented on!

You open up your life, people will feel they have the right to comment!

And you´re surely not going to change your mind because of what people say.

You can alwys not allow MIL to see new baby on the grounds that she didn´t thinkyou should have another [evil grin emoticon]

YANBU,but wonder why everyone is so negative-are you really cräp parents or something??!!

anniemac · 18/09/2009 10:34

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Mybox · 18/09/2009 10:36

Ignore them

Laquitar · 18/09/2009 11:01

What a strange post GoldenStich.

See, you are 1 of 4, but you do come across as 'strange' yourself .

Original poster
BrokenBananaTantrum · 18/09/2009 11:01

Thanks every one. NO WAY am I going to change my mind. Will keep me gob shut from now on tho. Not gonna mention it again and just listen to my own mum who is really chuffed we are trying again.

Will let you know if we manage to succeed

OP posts:
Jo5677 · 18/09/2009 11:06

I have 5 children !

I got extremely negative comments everytime i announced i was pregnant,sadly a lot from very close family too.
Mainly in my case because my first born was born with CP so i was told i wouldn't be giving her the proper care and attention she needed if i had another baby (rubbish,and she LOVES her siblings). One of my son's is autisitic too and when i announced i was having another baby after him people were mortified...what if my next baby had autism too etc etc...he didn't and neither does the daughter i had just 16 months ago !

I LOVE having a large family,they are very well cared for,very polite,very caring and clever little people. I'm extremely proud of them. They all go to bed at bedtime and sleep well and they do not spend all their time fighting. They have their moments but on the whole they apreciate having each other around to play with.

Lifes to short to be influenced by anyone else. I think you're only here once,as long as what you're doing isn't hurting anyone then you should do what makes you happy !

Btw,i was an only child and have nothing against people having just one child or 8 children as long as they're loved and well looked after !

Develop a thick skin if you can,stay positive and let peoples stupid comments be like water of a ducks back...if only to annoy them lol

Take care,best Wishes, Jo.

SignoraRubyrubyruby · 18/09/2009 11:09

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VinegarTits · 18/09/2009 11:13

Tell them your trying for twins, that'll confuse them and take the end off only trying for one

groundhogs · 18/09/2009 12:17

YANBU, it's none of their business... Idiots!

MissM · 18/09/2009 12:22

What's odd with trying for a second when your first is over 3? I'd be less surprised if it was your fifth or sixth (although it's still no-one's business), but this is completely ordinary! I've got an 18 month age gap between mine and got (and still get) so much stick for it. People are just weird and downright rude when it comes to personal choices.

MissM · 18/09/2009 12:24

Oh and by the way, mine do fight as all normal children do, but they are also really good friends, so don't accept the comment of 'they'll fight all the time'!

girlsyearapart · 18/09/2009 12:41

That's a lovely post Jo!

I think some of the negativity of me wanting more is because I have M.S. and my youngest has severe excema and allergies so I think family and friends are (misguidedly) trying to tell you to look after yourself more.

Poo to that if you want more kids have as many as you want.

MissM- yes with my year age gap I even had midwives on the labour ward (wrongly) assume she wasn't planned.

OP- at least with your Mum on your side you've got 1 babysitter left! x

thesecondcoming · 18/09/2009 13:42

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IcingOnTheCake · 18/09/2009 13:59

YANBU!

I find comments like that quite patronising tbh. Yes two dc are harder than one but it is also pretty amazing as well. You learn to adapt to looking after two just like you did with one.

Some siblings fight but some get on very well too. It's lovely when you hear your dc playing and laughing together! It also gives you some time to get on with other things when your dc can play with eachother rather than wanting you to provide the entertainment all the time!

I think people who say these things are probably thinking baby no 2 will be exactly like baby no 1 when they are newborns. I personally found it a lot lot easier with ds than i did with dd when they were newborns.

With dd it was first baby, new mummy, no experience etc and i felt overwhelmed the whole time when dd was a baby. Ds was a completly different story. Second time around i was more confident and he was a completly different baby all together.

Plus it's wierd because compared to your toddler, a newborn seems so much easier? Or is that just me who thought that?

I always say to mums who are having their second that they will probably find it very different second time around and will be much more confident.

Take no notice of these people, they sound like they are jealous

weegiemum · 18/09/2009 14:04

Ignore it - I have 3 with slightly less than 4 years between the lot of them.

However, it would never have crossed my mind to tell anyone that we were trying (I just can't type the abbreviation in regards to myself .... ). None of their business. If you tell people, then they will comment.

Firawla · 18/09/2009 14:07

Just dont tell them, none of their business anyway. Tell them once you're pregnant, or when the baby is born then they can hardly be so negative

littleducks · 18/09/2009 14:09

I dont understand why you would tell, how the hell does that come up in convo especially with mum/mil?

Nobody ever asked me/told me they were

thesecondcoming · 18/09/2009 14:21

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beanie35 · 18/09/2009 15:01

Don't tell anyone anything! People (esp families) will always have an opinion on what you should do, strangely its the people who's own lives are in a big mess that usually give out this unasked for advice .

You go girl!!

MissM · 18/09/2009 18:04

The thing about it being harder with two, well, yes it is. But it's harder with one than without any. So if we always acted on the basis that 'it'll be harder if I do X', then surely no-one would have any kids at all?! Or do any work, or buy a house, or get an education or....!

Original poster
BrokenBananaTantrum · 18/09/2009 18:33

Thank you all. You are brilliant. I know I probably shouldn't have mentioned it to anyone but TBH i thought my family and friends would be really chuffed. Ah well there nowt as queer as folk eh?

We ARE gonna go for it. I can hardly wait the three months of taking folic acid before we start.

Now I' 35 I hope it won't take too long. I was very lucky and got pregant within 3 weeks with DD so I'm hoping it will go that way again.

You know I REALLY LOVE MY MUM!

I'm really glad to hear all the stories of you having more childen. It's so nice to know that there are people who are supportive.

Good on all of you that have had your DC's close together you are fantastic. I'm glad i have a bit of a gap but I can see the huge advantage of having small ones together

Do you think that a 3 year age gap will work out? (it's gonna have to but would be intersted in your opinions)

OP posts:
Original poster
BrokenBananaTantrum · 18/09/2009 18:35

By the way PMSL at SignoraRubyrubyruby post. 27 would probably raise a few eybrows.

OP posts:
MissM · 18/09/2009 19:55

To be honest Banana I don't think there's an 'ideal' gap. Mine are close, which meant the first six months was hideous (both in nappies, eldest could only just walk etc etc), but now it's lovely that they're so close. On the other hand I see friends who are having their second now with a 3+ years age gap and quite envy that the older one is more independent, but then again perhaps they won't be so close. Who knows? It's like having your first baby - there is no right time.

Personally I think a three year gap is ideal, but you just get on with what you have don't you. Good luck with it, and don't let the **ers get you down!

mummygirl · 18/09/2009 20:10

YANBU, it is annoying, but they'd give you their (usually negative) opinion if you said you've decided to just have the one.

I already had a dd and a ds when I was expecting my third and I got so bored of hearing "why are you having another one, you already have one of each"

So don't listen to people and have fun TTCing
x

inVlanderen · 18/09/2009 20:22

OP, IMHE a second child is much easier than your first. You have adjusted to being a parent and child-proofed your house ; ) Good luck with TTC!