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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to be so peeved that we spend approx £1400 a month on childcare

675 replies

couture1 · 17/09/2009 16:44

I know I have to pay for the service but it leaves me with little left over each month and we need to salaries to get by. I dont want to give up work as 1 cant afford to and 2 Im hoping that when 3dc are at school in 3 years time we will be better off each month - but how do we manage until then?

Rant rant rant

OP posts:
violethill · 20/09/2009 11:22

This goes on and on doesn't it?

People wheeling out various bits of 'research' - I think anyone with half a brain should realise that any of us can pick a few paragraphs out of various research documents and make them look as if they support any particular viewpoint, WOHM or SAHM.

Each to their own - as far as people have a choice. I think it's the people who don't have a choice, because they can't afford childcare so can't remain in employment, or can't afford to give up and are stuck in a job they don't like.

I also think there can be a tendency among a lot of people to be slightly disingenuous when it comes to the reasons for making a decision. For example, a lot of the people I know who gave up work completely when they had kids, either weren't enjoying their job, weren't doing very well in it, didn't earn very much or didn't have good prospects. Not all, but a lot. Therefore, it's hardly completely honest to say they were giving up because they thought it was the best thing for their children. It was what they wanted, because they wanted to be at home and not work. Conversely, most of the people I know who remained in work, enjoyed their job and had good prospects. Makes sense really!

As someone else said, you won't be able to tell which children have been in nursery or with a childminder a few years down the line - you also won't know whether your child will thank you for staying at home or not! My own mother was a SAHM (but then that was far more common in her generation) but I can't honestly say hand on heart that it was the 'best' thing for us kids. I didn't know any different. Maybe it would have been just as good if she'd worked!

BonsoirAnna · 20/09/2009 11:43

Why isn't there a segment:

*WOHMs who are earning a lot of money with partners who are earning a lot of money and who are easily able to meet the costs of childcare and a comfortable lifestyle on either one of their two salaries, but both prefer to work.

I know plenty of these!

ssd · 20/09/2009 11:47

fairymum, your Butlins comment made me laugh

2 years ago we took the ds's to Disneyland, drove around Beverly Hills, Malibu, Santa Monica, San Diego, Universal, Sea World, the whole Californian dream holiday

this year we went to Butlins

my 8 year old said he enjoyed Butlins more than any other holiday!

so you know what you can do with your sneering attitude....

violethill · 20/09/2009 11:56

In fairymum's defence though, I think the comments about trackies and butlins only come as a last resort in desperation when people fail to miss the key points.

There is no point in going to work to be able to afford Florida holidays, or expensive presents, because we all know that children are so damn unpredictable that they'll probably prefer camping in the woods to exotic destinations!

What I want my children to benefit from, when I think about my work, is having a mum (and dad!) who aren't bored or frustrated (which in fairness I reckon we would be at times if either of us were home full time). Also, to realise it is perfectly possible to combine parenting and working - I want them to know that if they achieve well and get a good training, it's not something that they have to give up when they have kids. The monetary aspect comes way down the list to be honest.

OrmIrian · 20/09/2009 11:59

well ssd - lucky you. As a wohm there is no way we could afford that 'californian dream' holiday. Even with both of us working. So perhaps that tells you why some families have to work.

I am not going to feel guilty that after years of hating going out to work it I am now enjoying it.

Quattrocento · 20/09/2009 12:03

Yes Bonsoir, I agree with you. But there are not many people like that across society as a whole. As this thread demonstrates really.

BonsoirAnna · 20/09/2009 12:05

I agree that there aren't many across society as a whole, but a lot of the resentment towards seems to stem from resentment towards this particular small-but-privileged segment that does have a lot of choice. So it is important to point out that it exists, and that it is small.

BonsoirAnna · 20/09/2009 12:05

resentment towards WOHMs

Quattrocento · 20/09/2009 12:10

That's interesting Anna

Why do you think that a lot of the resentment towards WOHMS seems to stem from resentment towards women who have the choice to work and choose to work?

And if that really is true, what on earth does that say about society's attitudes to women?

francagoestohollywood · 20/09/2009 13:18

I agree that there seems to be resentment towards that segment. Because people keep working even if they don't need to.
I really think that children benefit from having parents who listen to them, who share their interests, who are affectionate etc etc etc and this can be done both by sahp and wohp. Really.
Most of my working friends have now children who are pre teens, and they are bloody wonderful children, not aggressive, traumatized human beings.

NoahDear · 20/09/2009 13:22

I dont think i know why I work. particularly the last two weeks.

francagoestohollywood · 20/09/2009 13:23

what happened Noah?

NoahDear · 20/09/2009 13:25

oh just new job, eldest at a new school, bus passes, broken laptops, meetings and then the two voluntary roles i have all suddently becoming demanding.
was waking at 2 am ever night for at least an hour worrying I was forgetting everything. you knwo - then you worry about the most STUPID things.

NoahDear · 20/09/2009 13:28

i think if ALL ofuse coudl swan out the door at 8 am and swan back in at 3 life would be great.
kids would be ferried to school, someone wol sort out the lunch money, slips, kit, USB stick, boots etc.
adn you come back and your hosue is clean, washing is done and put away, supper is gently bubbling in the oven and you are waiting for another helper to take them to swimming and rugby that are on at the same time adn to drive the other son for an HOUR to play cricket.

ADN you have someone to ensure you are mzimum sylish and hair done and has baked the cakes for the workplace cake thing or school fete

THEN we would all work

francagoestohollywood · 20/09/2009 13:28

Oh yes. I see.
And bus passes. I keep forgetting going to get mine done. And we moved back here 1 yr and a half ago.

NoahDear · 20/09/2009 13:30

lol thos LITTLE things that you KNOW you really should do - thanking people for kdis presents, getting the gas boiler checked, all that crap

CybilLiberty · 20/09/2009 13:31

I thought you had a joggler , what are you moaning about

francagoestohollywood · 20/09/2009 13:31

or we would all stay at home . You know the cosmic angst that grabs you when you come back after the school run and the house is a mess and of course it is YOU who have to tidy up and then do a bit of work (that you do to stop feeling guilty) etc etc etc.
I'd love a personal hairdresser.

NoahDear · 20/09/2009 13:33

oh god hte joggler is a mixed blessing - I missed an ortho appt for ds2 becuase I forgot to look at it so now havea calendar as WELL for max visual impact.
hte joggler is good for booking htings FROM work to register on home calendar - like after work meetings. but then LIKE ALL MUMS you have to arrange somone to haev the kids etcetcetc

NoahDear · 20/09/2009 13:34

i must go and marks some books and read abotu Buddhism
but I also have washing to do and two bathrooms to clean.
and an agenda to make up.
dull oso

loobylu3 · 20/09/2009 13:39

dolly- that article isn't anti or pro SAHMs or WOHMs. I read it as being v unjudgemental. Your comments about me thinking it is sensible for nurseries to have key workers,etc are unecessary and sarcastic. You seem to have picked up on two sentences rather than understood the overall message.
Unhappy mums, stressed, frustrated do not make for happy children so it is a shame that not everyone has a choice about working vs staying at home.

AnnieLobeseder · 20/09/2009 13:54

NoahDear - for that to happen you would have to be a man!

It's funny cos it's true!

Quattrocento · 20/09/2009 13:58

Surely to goodness work should be enjoyable - something people do because they enjoy doing it and because they can make a contribution. I don't understand one sector (the wohms who can afford not to work but go out to work anyway) causing resentment.

NoahDear · 20/09/2009 14:00

opk its OK
its money for old rope i can DO it andit pays ok/well and i have holidays "Off" but sheesh.

is that it

dollius · 20/09/2009 14:03

"Why isn't there a segment:

*WOHMs who are earning a lot of money with partners who are earning a lot of money and who are easily able to meet the costs of childcare and a comfortable lifestyle on either one of their two salaries, but both prefer to work.

I know plenty of these! "

Really? Do you? Cos I don't, and I think these people are very much in the minority.

As far as I can tell, most people are just trying to do the best they can for their families, and only they can decide what that is.

I do think all childcare fees should be tax-deductable. It is incredibly hard for women who do want to continue working, for whatever reason, but simply cannot afford to do so.

The economy misses out on their input as well. Why bother educating people and training them if you are going to price them out of the job market post children? Seems barking to me.

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