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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be so peeved that we spend approx £1400 a month on childcare

675 replies

couture1 · 17/09/2009 16:44

I know I have to pay for the service but it leaves me with little left over each month and we need to salaries to get by. I dont want to give up work as 1 cant afford to and 2 Im hoping that when 3dc are at school in 3 years time we will be better off each month - but how do we manage until then?

Rant rant rant

OP posts:
ssd · 20/09/2009 08:22

ah foxinsocks thats my bugbear too!

I know that if I had had free family childcare all these years our lives would have been very different

I wouldn't be working in a minimum wage job as its the only one I can find that fits around the school hours (I'm someone who never wanted to leave my kids in a childcare setting when they were babies so left my well paid job)

I think the big divide when you have kids is not who works/stays at home, who breast feeds or not, who co-sleeps etc etc

BUT WHO HAS FAMILY NEARBY WHO HELPS THEM OUT!

thedolly · 20/09/2009 08:22

That's education for you foxinsocks - it takes you away.

foxinsocks · 20/09/2009 08:29

I couldn't agree more ssd. I still think that and my children are far older now. It is (I think) THE most defining difference. Bollocks to all the others.

Dd had colic when she was a baby and I honestly thought it might kill me! One of my closest friends has a baby with colic and her mum is staying with her so she can get out and have a bit of a break from all the screaming! I'm so pleased for her and I can see what an ENORMOUS difference it makes to her.

Thedolly, my family is spread all over the world largely, I think, because my father worked all over the place so we never settled in one place. We live in London now because our jobs are based here and similarly, my siblings are based in countries/places where either they or their partners are best placed for work.

foxinsocks · 20/09/2009 08:37

and ps, I'm not sayign I would have wanted it this way (my family are a bit mad tbh lol, not sure they'd be any help anyway).

All I am saying is that it is a big, noticeable difference.

ssd · 20/09/2009 08:50

my 2 are 8 and 11 and so are at school and quite independant

I'm at the stage when I feel ready to work more, or at least in a semi interesting job. or study something....but with no help before or after school or during the holidays and now without the means to book and pay for 2 places in childcare I'm stuck doing what I'm doing until my kids can fend for themselves. I see other mums who either stayed at home or went p/t now going back to work more or studying f/t but with their mums their at the school gates every day to enable them to do this.

I am jealous, no use denying it.

ssd · 20/09/2009 08:52

there NOT their!

ssd · 20/09/2009 08:54

oh no it is their not there!!

think I should go now....

blueshoes · 20/09/2009 08:54

Dd had health problems and tricky temperament and incredibly difficult sleep as a baby. I lived on eggshells around her during her baby years. I postponed going back to work from my original plan of 6 months to a year. Then I put her in nursery to go back to pt working.

It was the best thing for her and me. Nursery was the making of her. And doing an interesting job for a part of the time was great for my well-being and quite nicely paid too.

A difficult baby and no help from family for childcare does not necessarily doom a person to give up work, but do it if you want it.

ssd · 20/09/2009 08:55

there

I am off now

ssd · 20/09/2009 08:56

but blueshoes, I couldn't leave my babies in a childcare setting, I just couldn't do it, so I guess I doomed myself by being true to myself

blueshoes · 20/09/2009 08:57

Fairymum, hooray for your post of 23:59.

blueshoes · 20/09/2009 09:00

oh ssd, I had great doubts about dd settling as well. But I just girded my loins and gave it a go. I figured I could always change course if it did not work and I was on the verge of considering quitting anyway due to her early health issues.

But it worked out to my great surprise. I am very fortunate to be able to take this course which suited both me and dd.

loobylu3 · 20/09/2009 09:10

ssd and fox, I'm with you on family support making a huge difference to quality of life, etc.
I feel sad that we haven't had family help/ support either. It could have made a HUGE difference to us practically and psychologically too. I have friends and aquaintances with lots of supportive family and they just don't have stresses with their childcare arrangements because grandparents can always help out. I would never have expected a GParent to be the main carer when I went to work but a little support and company would have been nice
(Oh, btw, my mum was a v hardworking, self sacrificing SAHM)

Highlander · 20/09/2009 09:22

I completely disagree that Scandanavian children in FT childcare are emotionally better adjusted because the childcare settings are superior.

Scandanavian society is more family-orientated and less 'Westernised' than the UK. I think there is parity with both countries' nursery standards but what makes the differnece is what families do outside the working day.

In the UK, families are much more likely to plonk themselves down in front of the TV or PC/playstations. There is a sad culture of long hours and that work/money/'stuff' is more impt than having quality family time

In Scandanavia, families are much more likely to 'be' together.

loobylu3 · 20/09/2009 10:01

Here is a more recent article by Penelope Leach

www.women.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/women/families/article5336248.ece

and v sensible too (imo)!

carriedababi · 20/09/2009 10:05

fairymum you did ask for research though. lol

thedolly · 20/09/2009 10:12

www.women.timesonline.co.uk/tol/lifeandstyle/women/families/article5336248.ece

I had to do it for myself so stuck it on(if it works)

thedolly · 20/09/2009 10:15

Doesn't work

thedolly · 20/09/2009 10:17

women.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/women/families/article5336248.ece

try this

carriedababi · 20/09/2009 10:27

fairymum, don't really know where you get your ideas that sahm's are fat and wear tracksuits though.

you do sound a tad bitter and envious!

as for going to butlins, also don't know where you got that idea from!
butlins is not for me i'm afraid
we are off to sardinia later this week and have been lucky enough to have also had holidays to puerto pollensa, dorset and suffolk this year too.
but i'm sure there are many people that love butlins and good for them.

thedolly · 20/09/2009 10:28

loobylu3 - I don't think that article says much tbh

Which part do you think is sensible - the bit about key workers?

The comment about not having to be with your child 24hrs a day is a stupid one as most children under 3 are asleep for half of the time.

So out of the remaining 12 hrs, how many does Penelope think a child should spend with any one carer I wonder - hmm?

sarah293 · 20/09/2009 10:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

2shoes · 20/09/2009 10:35

I wonder how much child care would cost for a child like dd........
a lot more than £1400 a year.

sarah293 · 20/09/2009 11:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Quattrocento · 20/09/2009 11:05

My childcare bills for two were actually quite substantially more than £1400 a month before they started school.

I quite like the classification that Annie made further down the thread:

  • SAHMs who like being at home and are there as a choice
  • SAHMs who don't like being at home but can't afford to work due to high cost of childcare
  • WOHMs who like working and either have older DCs or a decent enough salary to be able to pay for childcare or family who can help so they can afford to work, though are often earning a pittance
  • WOHMs who would rather be at home but need to work to pay the bills.

The issue seems to me that not many people do feel that they have any choice. The OP doesn't feel that she has a choice for instance. Or if people did have a choice, they made the relevant choices (for instance not to pursue a well-paid job) so far back in time that they no longer have a choice now.

I think one of my unspoken objectives in my career has always been to preserve the maximum amount of choice to give myself some flexibility should I ever need it. That's something that's been helpful.