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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think its rude and a bit damn personal asking 'was it planned?'

49 replies

Notbig · 13/09/2009 22:13

pregnant with 3rd and getting fed up with people keep asking this even though yes it was planned.
Even people i dont know very well at all have asked this. Why do people find it their business to ask such a personal question?

OP posts:
Firawla · 13/09/2009 22:16

yanbu that is a rude question, there are other things they can ask if they want to make small talk about the baby

sweetkitty · 13/09/2009 22:18

YANBU once you are pregnant you are public property and everyone feels the need to make a comment on very personal things like peoples choice of contraception and whether it has failed or the number of times they have sex.

I am going to get a t-shirt printed with
YES I am X weeks pregnant
YES it was planned
NO we were not trying for a boy
YES we are at it like rabbits
YES we do own a TV
YES we know what condoms are for
NO I am not a glutton for punishment
YES I have my hands full
NO my DP is not a poor man for having 3DDs

Now shall I ask you about your sex life you nosy sod?

insprognito · 13/09/2009 22:19

I agree had it with all 3 of mine too.Felt like saying well obviously not as i've just found out and i'm 5 months gone (dd3).

macaronicheeseplease · 13/09/2009 22:20

YANBU, yes it's rude. But doubtless they can't imagine why you didn't 'learn your lesson' after the first two!

BuckRogers · 13/09/2009 22:20

Just say, 'do you mean the shag or the baby?'

SixtyFootDoll · 13/09/2009 22:23

yanbu i would never ask that
lol @ buckrogers dare you to repeat it next time someone asks you!

amtooyoungforthis · 13/09/2009 22:35

I used to say this one is but the others weren't, used to confuse them

Ceolas · 13/09/2009 22:38

Yes, bloody rude. My pet hate along with "Is s/he good?" when the baby arrives. Some people just speak without thinking...

Ebb · 13/09/2009 22:55

I bought a pregnancy test this morning and the shop assistant asked, 'Will it be good news or bad news?'

It was good news.

Yanbu by the way.

gingerbunny · 13/09/2009 23:09

yanbu
my dh grandma asked if our ds1 was a slip up!
i had to really bite my tongue not to say something rude.
my cousin dh asked if it was 'an organised event' i replied 'why was you interested in buying tickets'. that soon shut him up.

rosiest · 13/09/2009 23:15

yanbu
everyone asked me this with ds3.
like it must be a mistake otherwise why would you have a 3rd child

LongtimeinBrussels · 13/09/2009 23:35

Damn, wish I'd had that retort for my third BuckRogers. We have a 8 year gap between ds2 and dd1, with only a 2 year gap between ds1 and ds2. I got asked this all the time, along with "Is it the same dad/husband?"

LongtimeinBrussels · 13/09/2009 23:36

Oh and congratulations Ebb!

LongtimeinBrussels · 13/09/2009 23:37

Oh and Notbig, YANBU!

oldraver · 13/09/2009 23:38

I was asked, after having a little sit down in a club " are you keeping it". I was really quite shocked and just stammered "yes". The bint lady then said "you're not sure are ya". I just waddled off to the cafe

BattyBum · 13/09/2009 23:38

It goes with the other stupid questions like

"Did you feed him yourself?" (Er no the woman next door does it WTF)

"Did you have him yourself?" (Er no the woman in the next bed had him for me)

UndomesticatedGoddess · 14/09/2009 07:16

YANBU

I always find that giving people far more info than they were looking for embarasses them enough to bog off.

I took ages to conceive DS2 but had the "are you having another one?" from very random people for years.

I always used to tell them "yes we'd love one, at it like rabbits, I might have problems with the quality of my cervical secretions but DHs sperm quality fine - is there anything else you'd like to know?"

Worked every time.

FlamingoBingo · 14/09/2009 07:44

UG.

I had a lot of 'was it planned?' questions with DD1 because I was 22 at the time and it was only a couple of months after finishing my degree and starting in my job and of course well-educated women can't possibly be choosing to have babies young, even if they are married!

With DD2 I didn't get many comments, but with DD3 and DD4 I got a lot of 'are you trying for a boy?' questions, which annoyed me. I usually replied with 'no, why would we want a boy? Everything in our house is pink!'. I didn't mean it - wouldn't have minded what it was, but having four babies all close together does invite comments, particularly when they're all the same sex!

I think you just have to accept it. After the baby's born, you'll be asked continually 'isn't he big/small?', 'is he good?' and other ridiculous questions!

motherbeyond · 14/09/2009 08:08

oh,lighten up everyone!
it's called small talk.people are only trying to be friendly...mostly (obv apart from the weirdo who asked if you were keeping it
unfortunately,people have stock statements/questions to reel out about,preg,birth,newborns,and are just trying to be nice/seem interested.

i am preg with my 3rd and am also subjected to this kind of questioning...i just take it in my stride.

juuule · 14/09/2009 08:12

As flamingobingo says, it's just small talk.

It's also a way of finding out how to react to what you've just been told. Whether to congratulate or commiserate.

KIMItheThreadSlayer · 14/09/2009 08:14

I think we sometimes get caught up in the wonderment of being pregnant and think it is as wonderful and interesting to all around and not just us.

When friends/ family/any one tells me their happy news a smile and a oh how lovely covers it, then I get on with life, I know some people who have to ask the whole whens it due, what are you hoping for, blah blah blah and really it is nbot that interesting.

motherbeyond · 14/09/2009 10:43

kim...it's not that they're that interested either,it's just you know,realising that the pregnant person is excited.. and indulging them.surely we've all been there?
like i said before,it's just being nice,it doesn't take a minute!

juuule · 14/09/2009 10:49

Just realised it was motherbeyond who made the 'small talk' comment and not flamingobingo. Apologies

WidowWadman · 14/09/2009 10:57

A bit like my boss who asked me 'so do you cry a lot and have PND?' when visiting me just after my daughter was born. Could he be any more intrusive?

A lot of people said 'well done' when told I was pregnant, which I also found a bit peculiar.

CherryPopTart · 14/09/2009 11:04

aha i get out of all these damn questions as i am rather young so everyone is far to disaproving of me to bother asking such questions

im rediculasly glad as my belly has become public property to all my friends and family which i find uncomfertable enough with out random people in the street joining in

YANBU personaly id just ask what theyre talking about, look highly offended then inform them its a glandular problem

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