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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to tell ds the truth about santa

148 replies

elmofan · 12/09/2009 14:37

hi , just looking for your opinions please , ds has started asking questions about weather Santa is REAL , well he asked last year & we kept up the pretence but he is 10.7 & will be 11 at the end of January , i think its time we told him the truth about Santa if he asks again whereas DH wants to keep the pretence going , trouble is I'm worried that this will make ds a target for bullies , as he has been bullied before & i know quite a lot of his friends do NOT believe any more . is is time to let our pfb grow up or is dh right ? x

OP posts:

teamcullen · 13/09/2009 18:10

elmofan (sorry elefun)

Original poster

elmofan · 13/09/2009 18:24

teamcullen i will ask him nearer xmas last year he wasn't too sure about going in to see santa ( trying to act cool) so we asked him to go for dd sake to mind her but he was thrilled when he got in there , & i was surprised because there was older children than ds in there .

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dogonpoints · 13/09/2009 18:24

If you are insisting to a doubtful 10 year old that santa exists, then I think that has become silly lies, yes.

It is no longer about creating a lovely story to add to the excitement

dogonpoints · 13/09/2009 18:25

How many other 10 year olds were going into santa's grotto?

There comes a time when some parts of the lovely santa story become embarrassing

Original poster

elmofan · 13/09/2009 18:29

believe it or not dogonpoints there were other children that looked older than ds in the queue last year waiting to see Santa , ds is small for his age though .

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dogonpoints · 13/09/2009 18:32

holy moly

bodeniites · 13/09/2009 18:39

my older brother told me about Santa i was devastated i have never actually uttered the words there is no Santa to my children my 18 year old son thinks its hilarious as i just wont say it

Original poster

elmofan · 13/09/2009 18:45

oh dogonpoints - where you on santa's naughty list ???

OP posts:

dogonpoints · 13/09/2009 18:48

yes, I've been on santa's naughty list ever since santa kicked me out of the grotto (aged 22) for asking for silky knickers.

Original poster

elmofan · 13/09/2009 18:58

i knew it all along dogonpoint
i promise i will put in a good word for you this year ,

OP posts:

dogonpoints · 13/09/2009 19:01

thank you elmo

Yikess · 13/09/2009 21:46

I found out when I was eight and I found my 'girls world' hidden in my mums wardrobe -Santa gave me this and it basically confirmed already what i suspected...that he wasnt real and my mum and dad were the 'real' Santa. i never let on but did feel happier knowing that I knew the truth. Perhaps its best to let him find out on his own if he suspects by dropping a massive hint - it certainly let me down easy and I didnt feel stupid at school.
I have to say that by 9 they should know and they do need to grow up - life isnt one big fairy tale and you will be surprised at just how much a child comprehends at this age. Its one of life lessons!

kreecherlivesupstairs · 14/09/2009 08:32

We're currently facing this. DD is 8.4 and a couple of days ago began questioning me about the tooth fairy. A boy in her class, who was lovely but forward told her that FC was not real and the tooth fairy was mum. She was traumatised by this idea. Being an only, I feel she misses out on a lot of stuff, so made a little bag of net and filled it with glittery stars and wrote a note on purple card in gold pen from tooth fairy. JJ said this proved nothing and that mum had written it. DD disagreed and told him that I was far too impatient to do something like that.
A couple of years ago she wanted to know why FC was the only person (apart from Nanny and Badder) who got her presents, she queried why me and her dad didn't ever buy her anything. That year we dvided the presents up some from us the rest from FC. She was puzzled that they had the same wrapping paper on so the following year we had two lots of paper.

Original poster

elmofan · 14/09/2009 08:32

thanks yikess , i know your right , ds dog died when ds was 8 , we knew he would be heartbroken so we told ds that his dog was sik & the vet was going to keep him because he needed special medicine that we could not give him , but a year later ds figured out the truth for himself & asked us out straight if his dog was dead we sat him down & told him the truth , we were all in tears but ds called us liars so im not looking forward to telling him about fc i am kind of hoping he figures it out himself , but if we do manage to get this last xmas out of him believing then i will definitely tell him before next year as he will be 11 then & i don't want him to be jeered in school .

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milknosugarplease · 14/09/2009 08:39

hiya, one of my mindee;s believed in santa up until about 8.6,some hearless kid at school made fun of him and told him santa wasnt real. he was completly and utterly heartbroken.

but another mindee has just turned 10 and he still believes in him, and why not? kids have to grow up far to quickly these days without finding out santa's not real!

i think telling him outright is to harsh, maybe leave a small present where he can see it but as though its hiddene iygwim then wrap it from santa, at least let him start to figure it out himself.

m xx

weegiemum · 14/09/2009 08:42

My Dad always said

Well if you don't believe in Santa, don't hang up your stocking"

That's all I was ever told, and its what I told my dd1 last year when she asked (was 8y10m). Now she says it and winks at me - by that age they are starting to realise and it has become an in joke really here, which is nice.

plimple · 14/09/2009 08:55

I would tell him that if he doesn't believe in Father Christmas he doesn't come. Then ask him pointedly if he would like Father Christmas to visit this year and if the answer is yes then perhaps it's best not to ask questions.
In other words I'd use my eyes to tell him that I knew as well as he did what happens, but if he makes me say it out loud then that's it, no more stocking.
I was never silly enough to ask so continued to get a stocking til I was at least 18 - unfortunately it was still filled with the sorts of things I'd always got e.g. knickers, plasticine, gloves, colouring pens! Proper presents always came from my Mum and Dad, brothers and sisters etc.

Outright lying about a dead dog is a completely different matter. Death is a part of life, but fantasy and magic can be too. My Mum used to say "ask me no questions, I'll tell you no lies"

Original poster

elmofan · 14/09/2009 11:04

plimple lol i think ill adopt your mums saying , that's a great way of getting out of those awkward questions
yes we learned a lesson after the dog dieing incident not to lie to him any more , i suppose he's at that age where we need to let him learn how to cope with the up's & down's of life , we were just trying to protect him .

milk - i know the innocence of childhood doesn't last long enough imo he still gets very excited about christmas , but after this year i think we will have to let him grow up .

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Stigaloid · 14/09/2009 11:21

Well Santa may not be a real person but he is based on a real person - you can tell him about the history of Santa (how a good Bishop in Turkey took pity on the poor and at Christmas would throw money through their windows to help alleviate their suffering) and whilst he may not travel through the air with reindeer, his spirit lives on through the goodwill spread at this time of year. The magic comes in the love and the selfless giving to others and we choose to keep the magic alive by honouring his spirit and keeping up the tradition.

milknosugarplease · 14/09/2009 12:29

elmofan-i remember when i was youger (im only 21 so want that long ago iygwim) kids were just that-kids! now kids have flippin Bratz high heels, its so sad!

i actually felt a lump in my throat when i wrote about first mindee-he was so heartbroken, he couldnt understand why mummy and daddy lied to him! although they did full on say "santa is real"

letting him find out gently for himself is the best way imho.

i think people find it funny to tell kids "santas not real" but santas such a big part of a kids life when there little!

milk (who stil loves kids innocence about xmas!)

xxx

mears · 14/09/2009 12:40

Elmofan - I told my DS1 that Santa wasn't real when he was 11yrs because most of the other children knew that and I didn't want him bullied. He did already suspect it but was glad I confirmed it. He never told his siblings and was happy to keep the Santa magic for them. I have 4 children and none of them spoiled it for the believer!
We still put out the milk and mince pie for Santa and the carrots for the reindeer. The children posed for a photo annually with their sacks in front of the tree on Xmas eve.
I only stopped that last year and my youngest is 15yrs old.

gorionine · 14/09/2009 12:46

I am not an expert as I do not remember ever believing in Santa, even when my parents were trying to convince me. I would not just go and tell a child that Santa does not exist, out of the blue but I imagine that your almost 10+yo boy is ready for the answer if he is the one asking IYSWIM?

Original poster

elmofan · 14/09/2009 13:22

oh milk i know exactly what you mean i think its lovely to see some innocence in young kids ,

mears i agree , i think 11 is a good age to find out the truth , but i am going to let him discover it himself , i cant bare to sit him down & tell him .

gorionine , yes i think its time when he turns 11 but until then ill try keep the magic flowing

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