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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to tell ds the truth about santa

148 replies

elmofan · 12/09/2009 14:37

hi , just looking for your opinions please , ds has started asking questions about weather Santa is REAL , well he asked last year & we kept up the pretence but he is 10.7 & will be 11 at the end of January , i think its time we told him the truth about Santa if he asks again whereas DH wants to keep the pretence going , trouble is I'm worried that this will make ds a target for bullies , as he has been bullied before & i know quite a lot of his friends do NOT believe any more . is is time to let our pfb grow up or is dh right ? x

OP posts:
LynetteScavo · 13/09/2009 11:50

Oh, and my DH can produce biscuits from his knee by magic. Two of my DC's beleive that 100%

thesunshinesbrightly · 13/09/2009 11:59

i told my oldest when he was 11 and my dd was 9 but my little one belives he is 6, i dont think it was the right thing to do(to tell dd) and her litle heart broke and it is not as magical anymore

Original poster
elmofan · 13/09/2009 12:21

lynettescavo - could your dh magic me up some choc hob nobs to go with my cuppa pleeeeeeease

thesunshinesbrightly - that's why i am dreading telling ds , oh why do our babies have to grow up ....

OP posts:
thesunshinesbrightly · 13/09/2009 12:28

elmofan

exactly why why why why..... i dont understand, it's so not fair!!

thesunshinesbrightly · 13/09/2009 12:30

i don't think i will tell ds3

AIBU to let him find out from someone else?

Original poster
elmofan · 13/09/2009 12:47

well we are going to try get this xmas out of ds if we can , if he asks me out straight then >sob> then i don't think i could lie to him , but the last time he said his friend does not believe , dh asked what did he think & ds reply was " dad i know he is real because i have seen him " ( dh used to dress up in Santa suit to hang their stockings) plus when they come downstairs in the morning there is a trail from the chimney to the tree with santa's footprints ,
oh at this rate he will still believe when he is 30

OP posts:
LynetteScavo · 13/09/2009 12:49

But you don't have to tell them...just let them figure it out for themsleves. Which inevitably they will do sooner or later.

MmeProf · 13/09/2009 14:36

Santa is not about fantasy and fun.

It is about getting rather than giving, and it is about having to earn the gifts by being good.

It is so far removed from the real meaning of Christmas, which says there is far more joy in giving than in getting and also that none of us are good enough but we still receive.

If you are, as parents, looking for magic at Christmas, why are you ignoring the elephant in the room?

HigherThanAWombat · 13/09/2009 14:48

What elephant would that be?

MillyR · 13/09/2009 14:49

If there is a genuine reason that anyone can think of as to how believing in Santa is damaging to children, they should just state it. The only thing anyone has managed to come up with is an 11 year old being teased slightly.

Most people in this country have no interest in the religious element of Christmas, so comparing it to Christian ideas is a bit pointless.

Birthdays are about getting, not giving. We still have those.

MmeProf · 13/09/2009 14:58

Actually, birthdays are not just about getting.

When my children have birthdays, they always take cakes or treats into school to give to the other children.

When DH and I have a birthday, it is our turn to provide the Friday celebration treats. We would be shocked to receive presents on our birthdays.

If you have a party for your child, you know that you spend far more on giving the party than you receive in presents.

Original poster
elmofan · 13/09/2009 14:59

well said millyr >> applauds>>

mmeprof , that's not entirely true my dc's get really excited about giving their grandparents & cousins gifts its all part of the fun ,

OP posts:
plonker · 13/09/2009 15:00

So do your children not buy others gifts at Christmas?

Mine do, and they love it.

plonker · 13/09/2009 15:01

You seem to very tied up in what you do at Christmas MmeProf. Can you accept that others may do things differently?

dogonpoints · 13/09/2009 15:03

10.7?!

Tell him now fgs

curiositykilled · 13/09/2009 15:25

Birthdays are not about getting! They are about growing! Everything is what you make it. You can be given a gift to celebrate something happy or an achievement without the whole event being about getting something.

I think MmmProf's point about FC is fairly valid. For small children FC is a good way to introduce them to the consequences of their behaviour and to teach them that it is important to behave well, once they have understood that point FC can be an enjoyable story for children but believing he is real really only perpetuates the getting attitude as it is just a bribe.

Everything aside I'm not sure why you wouldn't just make your own family decision OP. No-one knows your DC, only you can decide what fits in with your family.

Original poster
elmofan · 13/09/2009 15:44

that's the thing curiosity , i think if he asks again maybe we should tell him the truth whereas dh wants to keep up the pretence , i just started the thread to get others opinions really , i don't want ds bullied because he still believes ..

OP posts:
dogonpoints · 13/09/2009 15:49

Continuing to lie to a child about something as false as santa, when the child is old enough to have developed views on truth and lies, is not good. Imo

purpleduck · 13/09/2009 16:05

To OP
My ds is nearly 10, and I'm pretty sure he's figured it out.
When he asks, I tend to turn it over to him, and ask "what do YOU think?"

purpleduck · 13/09/2009 16:06

btw, at that age, even when they KNOW, I think its just nice for them to know that their parents are still willing to do something special for them.

thesunshinesbrightly · 13/09/2009 16:06

omg is it being called lies now(when did it become a lie), when i was child it was about the magic, i did not blame my parents for lieing to me about santa wtf.

Original poster
elmofan · 13/09/2009 16:20

dogonpoints we don't considering it lying have you NEVER told your children a little white lie knowing it would give them more excitement ?

purpleduch yep dh keeps turning ds questions back on him

OP posts:
thesunshinesbrightly · 13/09/2009 16:38

not even a matter of lieing!
my point is you are totally speaking out of your backside, kids love christmas why should we spoil there fun, i know my two dont feel the same about xmas when i told them he wasnt rl.

mawbroon · 13/09/2009 16:56

My ds is almost 4 and is shit scared of the idea of Santa.

So Santa doesn't come to our house which solves it nicely for now.

teamcullen · 13/09/2009 18:09

Last year DS was 9.10 yrs and when we would say things like if you dont behave yourself you wont get... he would say "but santa brings the presents." in a patronising voice. We got loads of questions about how does FC deliver all the presents, how do they fit in the sleigh etc.

But when asked if he wanted to go and visit Santa at the grotto we got told "No way." He definatly didnt believe, he just wanted us to admit it first.

Elefun- Ask DS if he wants to go to the grotto this year, if he says no, you can probably guess he doesnt actully believe in Santa and he just wants to hear you say it. If he says yes then he probably does still believe.

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