Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to assume that a man in his 40's having a quite younger wife who is Thai

104 replies

SlartyBartFast · 12/09/2009 14:19

while he is not Thai.
that she is a Thai Bride,

or should I mind my own business.

or shoudl i believe the story that it was a Holiday Romance?

OP posts:
traceybath · 12/09/2009 14:24

You know the answer is mind your own business.

However you wouldn't be human if you didn't privately speculate a little.

ninedragons · 12/09/2009 14:26

Mind your own business.

And examine your beliefs for residual racism. My best friend is Malaysian and her DH is white English - she's had people raising their eyebrows at their relationship. They met at Cambridge, where they were doing their PhDs, not in some go-go bar. Asian woman + white man does not equal something sleazy.

Original poster
SlartyBartFast · 12/09/2009 14:27

i shall keep my speculations to myself then.

OP posts:
Original poster
SlartyBartFast · 12/09/2009 14:28

but i can't see how it is racism?
she has only been in the country for 6 months. i am not racism towards her, but judging him i spose.

OP posts:
PaulDacresCrackWhore · 12/09/2009 14:30

When there's a large age-gap and they're from a long way overseas, it is kind of hard not to speculate though. Prob best not to do so out loud!

Morloth · 12/09/2009 14:31

SlartyBartFast "i shall keep my speculations to myself then."

Yes, why would you think your speculations would have any relevance to them in any case?

Never assume anything about people.

It is racist and sexist because you are automatically assuming that the younger asian wife is in someway inferior to the older white man. You have no idea of the power dynamics in their relationship and it is none of your business.

HecatesTwopenceworth · 12/09/2009 14:33

I don't suppose you intended to ask, did you?

It happens. but what you tend to find is beautiful young woman and rather ugly/socially inept/controlling/other reason why he can't find true love man.

I think it's very sad all round when it happens.

For her, cos what kind of life is that?

and for him, because he'll always have in his mind that he wasn't wanted and the only way to get a woman in his life was to 'buy' one.

booyhoo · 12/09/2009 14:33

what if she is a thai bride?

its of no concern to anyone but them.

horses for courses

Original poster
SlartyBartFast · 12/09/2009 14:35

True Hecates
agree it is sad and in our local advertisor they are always advertising Thai/Russian Brides, as i am sure they are everywhere.

OP posts:
HecatesTwopenceworth · 12/09/2009 14:47

I think it should be a concern though booy. Because quite often these women are basically sold. and put into the hands of a man who doesn't have a woman for the very good reason that he's a bastard who can't get one to stay with him!

It's disturbing. These women deserve love and a life with someone they choose.

Of course, those who just follow the money of their own free will, well, happens all the time.

My problem is how do you know who is choosing to marry for money and who has been 'sold'? And how do you protect women from that?

Millarkie · 12/09/2009 14:50

Well, she is a Bride and she is Thai so she is a Thai Bride. But if you mean that she may have married as a business arrangement rather than for love then it's none of your business.
For what it's worth we have 2 non-Thai men in our family who are married to Thai women and they are totally conventional, fell in love and got married type marriages.

fattybumbum · 12/09/2009 14:52

I am Northern Irish and always joke to my DH (English) that I am going to set up a Northern Irish brides' agency for quiet English men who like their women loud, aggressive and bossy

To the OP, no YANBU. I would have quietly speculated on the same topic. For me it would not be the age or race gap which would make me wonder but rather the physical attractiveness gap. Ie if he is a 4' nothing minger as well as being old and she is young and pretty I think that would be a dead give away. Also if he is a Daily Mail reader sexist type who prefers foreign women becasue they are more 'feminine' than British ones (read submissive).

Tinfoil · 12/09/2009 15:05

Sorry but I think YABU. Isn't giving people the benefit of the doubt the kindest policy until proven otherwise?

drlove8 · 12/09/2009 15:17

my stepmother is asian .... has been married to my dad for about 7 years with him 10 .
family nickname for them is Mr dudly and ting-tong !
She's not been bought , she's got all the money..... dad is skint compared to her....
actually , mabey she bought him

AnAuntieNotAMum · 12/09/2009 15:54

YABU unreasonable to assume but it is understandable to wonder about the dynamics of the relationship given how many unequal ones there are. I wouldn't assume she's "mail order" though, immigration is not easy to get through, a lot of those agencies take money from men but can't get the women visas.

I'd get to know her if you can, Thai people are mostly absolutely lovely, I lived there for a few years and miss the people.

FabBakerGirlIsBack · 12/09/2009 15:55

Of course she is a Thai bride.

She is from Thailand and recently married so is a bride.

Portofino · 12/09/2009 16:06

drlove8 - that is uncanny - my dad is in exactly the same position. Even the timing is the same - I had to check your profile to see if you were my sister!

My SM is loaded, and doesn't even contribute to the household expenses. It makes me !

Fruitbeard · 12/09/2009 18:36

I was once in Sainsbo's trying to decide which brand of gin to buy () when this couple came alongside, a beautiful young Thai-looking woman and a very worn and weary-looking middle-aged man. He went to pick up a small bottle of the own brand vodka and she snatched it out of his hand, put it back and grabbed a large one of Smirnoff blue label, going "No! No! This one! Not that crap! Ooh, you so CHEAP!" at the top of her voice...

Not quite sure she was the 'submissive' one in that partnership!

Portofino · 12/09/2009 18:39

I guess the vodka "oils the wheels". Good on her.

MaggieVirgoOn · 12/09/2009 18:42

I'll be flamed for saying this but I'd think, what sort of man wants such a subservient, grateful wife.

No catch. That's what kind of man.

The poor woman. HOpe she fucks off and leaves him as soon as she can!!

MaggieVirgoOn · 12/09/2009 18:44

fruitbread... chuckling at that one, well if you have to shag some old bloke, you want to be out of it properly!!

SerendipitousHarlot · 12/09/2009 18:45

What a load of nonsense. She didn't say that AT ALL.

Maggie, the longer I live, the more I wonder whether ALL men secretly want a subservient, grateful wife.

GirlsAreLOud · 12/09/2009 18:47

I've never heard the term thai bride before.

The people across the hall from us in our old flat were a middle-aged man with bad breath and no real concept of personal space and a beautiful young Thai woman who used to hoover the communal hallway in just a sarong.

I used to wonder how they met and how come they were together as they seemed like an unlikely couple.

I didn't realise that was racism

BethNoire · 12/09/2009 18:48

I think most people wulod wonder briefly, but that's abouyt it

DS1's best friend has a Thai Mum and a Brit Ste-Dad..... no buying involved, they met when dad worked in Thailand for a year and fell in love, as people do.

There's no way of knowing without risking massive hurt, so wonder and move on.

ilovemydogandmrobama · 12/09/2009 18:53

Think if neither speaks the other's language, I wonder what on earth they have in common, and how they communicate.

But isn't isolated to Asian females and white middle class males.