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AIBU?

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Original poster

to assume that a man in his 40's having a quite younger wife who is Thai

104 replies

SlartyBartFast · 12/09/2009 14:19

while he is not Thai.
that she is a Thai Bride,

or should I mind my own business.

or shoudl i believe the story that it was a Holiday Romance?

OP posts:
MaggieVirgoOn · 12/09/2009 18:58

ha ha, they do, they all want one! it is enormously frustrating for them to have to pretend that they want an intelligent woman!!

snot racism to wonder what brings a 20 year old from a thai village together with a fat, balding divorced 55 yr old. that is human nature. Nosiness is natural.

SerendipitousHarlot · 12/09/2009 19:04

Of course it is

If it were me, it would be all I could do not to shout DID YOU GET HER OFF THE T'INTERNET???

Portofino · 12/09/2009 19:19

I know full well that in china (where my dsm came from) that women hang out in bars hoping to snag a western business man. My dad had his head turned and went for the sex. Dsm then got his phone number and phoned him at home. Marriage wrecked. Next thing, she's here, they're married, she gets uk passport.

My dad pays all bills mortgage etc. She works and puts all her cash into isas. She goes on holidays with friends. My dad starts to drink. He drinks a lot. She moves to a separate bedroom and in effect behaves like a single woman.

Dad's work - he was a director - "let him go". He is still paying all the bills from his savings. They might last a year. She still works and pays nothing. My dad lets this happen as this is her "culture" WTF !

my dad is in poor health. She is taking exotic holidays. I've told him he needs to take advice - maybe see the CAB. He has no will. She will get everything. So she had to shag an older bloke for a couple of years and will end up with 100 s of k and a uk passport.

He cocked up big time but I feel SOO sorry for him now. And I can't do or say anything ...

ABetaDad · 12/09/2009 19:46

Be careful not to judge everyone. I know a man who married an Eastern European woman as a mail order / internet bride. I have heard them talking to each other on the phone and seen them together. She is a graduate and he is not a well educated but hard workig man about 10 years older than her. They are very clearly in love with each other after 10 years of marriage.

On the other hand I know a man who has Thai bride who is legally married to her and I have a very strong suspicion she is just a very low paid skivvy housekeeper. His long term life/sexual partner is a woman who he employs as his secretary. He also has affairs and other liaisons wherever and wherever he can. I do not like this man and he treats both of the signifcant women in hs life very badly but both are dependent on him for their livelihood. In effect employing both of them to service his needs.

Laquitar · 12/09/2009 20:02

I don't think OP's question is racist.

Original poster
SlartyBartFast · 12/09/2009 20:10

i shall bite my tongue and not ask either of them any more leading questions

OP posts:
MaggieVirgoOn · 12/09/2009 20:13

Abetadad, I can tell if a couple are a genuine match, even one that might end in tears!

But you see an old geezer and a woman 20 years his junior making conversation in such a laboured way, it's kind of obvious.

Portofino... that's shocking. I used to work with a man who did this and his 'standing' plummeted. At the time, I just thought, OLD FOOL. But now that I've lived a bit myself, made my own entirely different cockups I have a tiny bit more compassion.

footinmouth · 12/09/2009 20:17

Portofino that's awful

Sorry for your dad. Why can't you say anything?? The bitch has taken him to the cleaners

AnAuntieNotAMum · 12/09/2009 20:22

I often think far more of these men end like Portofino's Dad than the other way around.

There's a forum I go on for economics stuff that is about 75% male posters and there is a hardcore of misogynists on there who go on about how they will only go with foreign women because English women are all fat/lazy/bolshy etc..I do hope they end up learning their lessons. Sorry for your Dad though Porto. He's up against a woman who probably came from tremendous poverty with a killer survival instinct.

scottishmummy · 12/09/2009 20:40

god you nosy beaky gossip.who cares do you twitch curtains all day

beanieb · 12/09/2009 20:47

I'd hate to be a Thai girl in this country knowing people are thinking these things about me.It's so blooming patronising to assume thai women in relationships with men in Britain must be Thai brides.

Portofino · 12/09/2009 21:49

I honestly think that some men think that they are getting a lovely submissive women who will be eternally grateful for the right to live in the UK.

The reality, ime, is that these women aren't "exploited" always as I once believed, but are fully switched on about what they can get. My dad, unemployed, is STILL sending money to China to keep DSMs family. He has a large sum of money in the bank over there which he has no access to, but DSM does on her frequent visits.

He is embarrassed that he has to have interviews about JSA. He worked for the same company for more than 40 years.

I am really angry that this woman has in effect destroyed my dad and will take everything that he ever worked for (for very little effort on her part).

Portofino · 12/09/2009 21:56

footinmouth, I've tried! He is now on incapacity benefit. Mortgage co won't pay out as apparently he needs to be crippled and blind first . He got a payout from work and had some savings. They are being fast depleted as he still pays ALL the bills and buys food etc. DSM pays for NOTHING!

I've told him that this is unacceptable, that he needs to TELL her that she has start paying. She WON'T apparently as that is his JOB to keep her. Despite the fact that she has an income and he doesn't. I suggested to him that maybe he could tell her that he couldn't afford the mortgage anymore, and would have to sell up and buy a one bed flat if she wasn't prepared to help. He hung up on me.

groundhogs · 12/09/2009 22:16

My cousin met his thai wife in the UK, lovely girl, but she was telling me that when she and he go to thailand on holiday, all the other girls ask her which 'school' she went to.. meaning go-go bar!!

She's managed NOT to just lamp them now, gives them a withering look, but it can't be easy for her.

If it looks 'too good to be true' it probably is, but by God it's far too rude to contemplate actually asking..

vixma · 12/09/2009 22:32

Mind your own

ilovemydogandmrobama · 12/09/2009 22:56

Portofino, is he wanting to get out of the relationship? Bet he is too proud to say he made a mistake?

Poor man.

CHOCOLATEPEANUT · 12/09/2009 23:08

When i was 18 i worked with a guy in his 40s who had a young thai bride. He was a bit flash and i thought but a year ago i saw them both in a cafe (hes 70 now ) and they looked so in love and very very happy

taught me a thing or two

freyski · 12/09/2009 23:14

If you saw ten couples in Britain where a beautiful young Thai women is married to a middle aged british men, how many would be thai brides? My bet would be more than half, so I dont think it is patronising to hold this assumption.

Georgimama · 12/09/2009 23:19

Why would you even bother to hold any assumptions about someone else's relationship? I'm struggling to understand why it matters to you. Do you watch Pakistani-British couples wandering around minding their own business and think "bet her family kidnapped her back to Islamabad and forced her to marry him?"

Heated · 12/09/2009 23:26

I know a few. My own father married a much younger woman from another country and I have no doubt that part of his attraction was living in the UK. But there was also genuine affection there too, despite private misgivings by just about everybody.

My Dad's quiet & wealthy friend, has been married to a strident Filipino woman, always says, "When I first met you I thought you were quiet"! He always looks slightly shocked by her and is always futilely hoping she'll rein in her spending. But they been together for 20+ years now.

freyski · 12/09/2009 23:30

I am not sure you always "bother" to have such thoughts, some times you just do and when you question why you hold this assumption it turns out its because it is the reality of what you have seen.

Georgimama · 12/09/2009 23:33

No, it's a quite deliberate and conscious act to make and hold assumptions about other people's personal relationships, so I'm just wondering why you would do this about complete strangers, based on nothing other than the colour of their skin. It is a very odd thing to do.

foxytocin · 12/09/2009 23:38

yabu.

I look Thai/Filipina to many people. I look much younger than white dh though he is only 5 yrs older.

I match him in education and have always held my own financially. I have met many a people who have underestimated me and later found out much to their chagrin that they are the bigger fool.

As ninedragons said, examine your beliefs for residual racism.

freyski · 12/09/2009 23:39

No its not deliberate or conscious for me. Its the reality of the expereince I have see. My father and brother both live in Bangkok. My father is marriesd to a women 30 years his junior. Several of his friend who live on my estate are married to thai brides, so I make an assumtion based on these facts.

foxytocin · 12/09/2009 23:40

at one point in time i was also in this country for 6 months