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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

SAHM or fucking MUG

37 replies

usedtobeme · 11/09/2009 17:41

Anyone else ever feel like a glorified housekeeper/babysitter.

Just want a rant really.

Baby 1 next week up constantly breast feeding/biting in the night as teething. Ds just started school and so having to get out the door for school in morn after NO sleep. DD1 going thru horrible whingey phase. DP never helps in hte night and works LONG hours, feel like i never se him except to serve him his tea.

Next week he is away a few nights with work , then for a stag do on the weekend, then he is abroad for work the following week, all week.

He has been in once this weeek before 6 every other night nearer 7 and tonight no different. Fucking fed up, tearful, tired and pissed off. I feel like running away

Is it just me?? They are my kids, he does work long hours but why do i feel so pissed off and hard done to. AIBU, maybe i'm just a miserable cow.

OP posts:
TheBalladofGayTony · 11/09/2009 17:45

you have my sympathy, dh has been way with work the past 2 weeks and then out last night and out tomorrow night. and i work. it is hard but he is making tea tonight and fixed the washing machine earlier! it is a partnership and young children are hard. try and get some sleep and take care.

violethill · 11/09/2009 17:46

Sounds grim.

Swap roles? You earn and DH is house husband?

Go out to work so you have an outlet that is about YOU, and hopefully will stop you feeling so fed up and pissed off?

Basically, it's down to either making some changes to your life choices. Or accepting that this is a particularly grim phase and gritting your teeth.

chocolatefudgebrownie · 11/09/2009 17:46

I'm a SAHM too and go through times like this alot. Usually they are just phases and then I start enjoying being a SAHM again.

Have you got anyone who can let you have some time off for a while? Family or friends? I go out in the evening occasionally and it makes a huge difference to how I feel about the dc;s the next day.

HeadFairy · 11/09/2009 17:48

That does sound tough for you. I don't think YABU. Can you try and arrange a night out for you both? It's all very well him letting off steam at a stag do after a busy week at work, but what you do is work too, so you need some time off too.. preferably with him I presume?

curiositykilled · 11/09/2009 17:49

a bit yes, even with an appreciative, kind and helpful husband.

I would like to feel I could swan off on a stag weekend without too much trouble but I can't and I suppose it's nice that at least one of us can. I don't want to ruin DH's opportunities for relaxation just because I can't have the same.

preciouslillywhite · 11/09/2009 17:50

No you are definitely NOT BU.

It does get better tho. You have my word

FabBakerGirlIsBack · 11/09/2009 17:50

I think being late home and then going out the weekend before being away for a week is not on.

YANBU.

curiositykilled · 11/09/2009 17:51

I feel a bit like a glorified babysitter/housekeeper not you are a bit of a mug! lol

Original poster
usedtobeme · 11/09/2009 17:53

we moved 200 miles away from all friends and family for dp's job. Apart ffrom him there isn't anyone who can babysit for us.

I often wish i did have a job so i could get a break fromm the kids

No sleep is killing me and dp won't help as he says dd2 just wants a boob and often its true but i am so exhausted i feel like i could break. He has suggested i stop b/f but she is going to be the last so i didn't want to stop til she was ready and also think she might be up with teeth anyway and at least a boob is ready and in the bedroom to offer comfort.

God i am a miserable cow.

I do have a few hours on a sat morning when he watches the kids and i go out to get some exercise and i love that time. I feel ungrateful for moaning but i'd love to be him just now and have a week in a hotel, uninterupted sleep, it would be like a beautiful dream.

OP posts:
nellie12 · 11/09/2009 17:53

Why can't you have the same opportunities for relaxation as your husband? If he has a stag weekend you should be able to arrange a day out too.
(highly recommend a long day out leaving dh in charge of kids - they stop thinking that you have a nice relaxing time at home )

nellie12 · 11/09/2009 17:55

Just read your last post if you are so exhausted that you feel close to breaking then in my book the stag night would have to go. He needs to look after you and kids too.

violethill · 11/09/2009 17:56

Well at least join/start a babysitting circle, or find a local teeenager who can babysit to give you a break and maybe an evening out.

I don't think being 200 miles away from family is a reason to not use a babysitter - you just have to work around it.

If you have some time out, everything will look a bit brighter.

skidoodle · 11/09/2009 17:57

You are a mug if he is getting to do all the sleeping and having fun and you are doing all the work with the kids.

I really can't believe anyone would refuse to help their spouse when they are exhausted and at the end of their tether.

You need to have some serious words with him about his laziness and expectation that you will do all the night waking. A breastfeeding wife is not a carte blanche to snore the night away while she deals with everything alone.

KembleTwins · 11/09/2009 17:57

I feel like that too. YANBU. I go through phases, then start liking it for a bit again. DH is good though - not about housework - he's pretty useless with that, but he does appreciate that I get fed up with it and is good about things like letting me go shopping for the day with my sister (and without the kids) every so often, and will stay in in the evenings so I can go to the gym (and sit in the spa pool/sauna) and stuff. It took us AGES to get to the point where he understood though. I used to have quite a responsible job so do sometimes feel like my brain is turning to mush.

And other times feel like a mug - particularly on days when I've done 3 loads of washing, filled and emptied the dishwasher a million times, done supermarket, ironing, entertained the kids with creative and educational activities, cooked and tidied up the kitchen and put the kids to bed on my own, then HE comes home and bangs on about how tired HE is.

FritesMenthe · 11/09/2009 17:58

Sounds like you need something to look forward. Maybe a girls weekend away, booked well in advance so your DP can makesure he has no work commitments and can look after the children.

SouthMum · 11/09/2009 17:59

I felt like this and then went back to work full-time and was so relieved. I would now give ANYTHING to be a SAHM but we can't afford it.

YAateenybitU but only because I am jealous that I only get to see my boy for about an hour a night

BethNoire · 11/09/2009 18:00

Oh YANBU

Well not always, frommy perspective it sort of depends on what th alternative is IYSWIM

DS4 BF nghts still at 16 mths (has weight issues so daren't refuse, allergic to milk).

DH has taken t upon himself year after year to assume the right of this week doing what he wants- whcih as it happens means sitting in a damp shed 70 miles away with his mates until 2 - 3am each day, expecting me to do everything here, make his packed lunches AND listen to him whinging endlessly about the

And I can't go out with the boys as the petrol / tolls for him cost so much. And when I asked him to take all 4 out next week so I could have a big tiidy (a tidy I ask you!) he looked horrified and refused to consider it.

99.5% of the year he's adamned fine DH but this week always gets to me, in truth.

SO YANBU purely on the basis that you gave me a chance to whinge LOL. Ta for that.

ReducedToThis · 11/09/2009 18:02

Could you get someone in for an hour or two a couple of evenings a week, (like a trainee nanny from the local college) to feed tea to and play with the little ones while you go and have a hot bath/go for a run/phone a friend or whatever?

Chuck money at it if you have any spare money. Worth it to keep sane.

Good luck.

Original poster
usedtobeme · 11/09/2009 18:06

i don't feel he is being lazy, i don't even really blame him altogether i just feel like shit.

He hates his job and finds it stressful and is constantly down about it.

The stag weekend is his own but can't help feeling miffed that my hen do is only able to be a day yet he gets 2 nights away with no kids, just because he can. I have to be up all night with the baby before mine then be home around 7 to put her to bed and take over my usual night shift.

Think i'm tired and hormonal.

OP posts:
AnybodyHomeMcFly · 11/09/2009 18:10

Agree that he is BU to go to the stag do unless he is best man. My DH ducked out of stag in very similar circs a couple of months ago cos he realised it was going to be unfair on me. (or was made to realise!)

diddl · 11/09/2009 18:13

Ask him for help!

It´s hard when you´re at home & hubby works long hours.

You can feel guilty for asking.

But ther must be something he can do to help-bath, bedtime story, that gives you a break and isn´t "hard work" for him.

could he also take the children out Saturday a
so that you can sleep?

FabBakerGirlIsBack · 11/09/2009 18:45

Stop doing anything for him if you are too tired.

BethNoire · 11/09/2009 18:51

Why do you have to put the baby to bed?Surely he can manage it once- even if he's still trying at 12 and the baby is in the worng size PJ's watching ITNG or something- once won't hurt- in fact it'd do them both* good

*Disclaimer: ds4 is 16 / 17 months and going to be without me for very first time oN wedhesday LOL- do as I say no9t as I do and all that.....

Original poster
usedtobeme · 11/09/2009 19:08

lol at 'unless he is the best man' .... he is actually the GROOM!!

OP posts:
ReducedToThis · 11/09/2009 19:13

Are you feeling stressed about the forthcoming nuptials?

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