SAHM or fucking MUG

[usedtobeme]

Anyone else ever feel like a glorified housekeeper/babysitter.

Just want a rant really.

Baby 1 next week up constantly breast feeding/biting in the night as teething. Ds just started school and so having to get out the door for school in morn after NO sleep. DD1 going thru horrible whingey phase. DP never helps in hte night and works LONG hours, feel like i never se him except to serve him his tea.

Next week he is away a few nights with work , then for a stag do on the weekend, then he is abroad for work the following week, all week.

He has been in once this weeek before 6 every other night nearer 7 and tonight no different. Fucking fed up, tearful, tired and pissed off. I feel like running away

Is it just me?? They are my kids, he does work long hours but why do i feel so pissed off and hard done to. AIBU, maybe i'm just a miserable cow.

I think it sounds like you are both a bit 'on rails' and need to step off.

Take control of your life. It's YOUR wedding BOTH of you, so YOU can say if there's a bleedin stag do or not! Discuss how you're feeling, tell him you're desperate and this is not a good time for that kind of big celebration.

Weekends away for stag do's are fine if A)you're single with no kids or b) your wife is perfectly happy and not at the end of her tether.

Also you need imho to plan a division of labour. OK he works and comes in at 7. He gets fed. After that, his responsibilities at home kick in imo. You do the night shift and you are at the end of your tether, therefore it's now up to him to step up and shoulder all that he can in the evenings and weekends to give you some time.

Yeah ok he can't miss his own stag do!

Oh I dont know- Dh got chucked out of his
(some girl sat next to hm vomited over himand the bouncer threw her out, and then him saying ' go after the muissus'. But dh tbh was so issed it was probably for the best)

Start spending some of his hard earned cash girl.

You need a cleaner, an ironing lady and an au pair or at least a day away from the kids so stick them in nursery.

When he sees his bank balance decreasing I bet his finger is yanked out his arse pretty quickly!

Hope wedding goes well.

You have my sympathy too!

Like chocolate fudge brownie, I find there are times when I feel like exploding and times when I enjoy being SAHM again.

Where do you live?

Is your baby nearly 1 did you say? Maybe you should think about weaning of BF if it is causing you a lot of stress/sleepless nights (only a suggestion, I understand you may not want to do this).

I have a 4.5, 3 and 1yo. DD1 has just joined her big brother at preschool nursery so I now have a couple of hours every morning when they are out of the house and dd2 naps- it is bliss.

My DH also gets in at 7pm every night- just in time to kiss dc's goodnight.

We have agreed to give eachother some time off, maybe once a month where we can go and do something fun like girl's weekend/mountain biking etc. I also try and make sure I have a night out at least once every 2 weeks- could be cinema, meal out, shopping, or meeting at friend's house.

If I know I'm going to get some me time it is easier if I'm having a bad day.

Also dd1 who is 3 is the whiniest, moaniest, annoying, crying, screaming little thing, obviously incredibly lovely too but oh she winds me up

So I could be you!!

I suppose it´s too late to make it a stag night?

why dont you get a very small part time job now ds1 is at school?
your dc2 will be 1 next week so easier to fit into a childminders/nursery for a few hrs per week
would do all 4 of you the world of good

dc2 is only 2 nearly 3 , dc3 is nearly one. Not got enough cash to put them in childcare at the moment.

Notmymonster, i think you are me!!!

Hi, I feel for you. This happened to me and I decided to go back to work for a break! Anyway a year later, it's great that DD 4 and DS 22 mths got used to nursery and someone other than me looking after them but now it's all just too much. I'm facing different pressures - now have cleaner, ironing lady but am stressed by very responsible job. Now thinking being SAHM is better! The grass is always greener! It was a phase for me and now wish I was at home with them. Think it really imp to talk to DH but men cannot do 'nagging' the book "How to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk" was really useful with my DH. (Don't give up BFing unless you really want to - BF is not the problem the other stuff is. wink

I have always had the same situation as you ( although mine are older now).
The problem isn't about being a SAHM - it is about how the two oif you are managing that.
Dh has long hours but he is absoloutely hands on when he is here - doing the cooking, housework and taking the children.
We used babysitters as often as we could afford and when DH was home he would shoo me out of the door to just go for a walk , or for a coffee or to the shops - just to be on my own for a while.

You need to talk about it.
In fairness anyone who has not been a SAHM to small children does not get how hard it is. DH had a few weeks at home when DD was first born and that really opened his eyes.

Butthe truth is you need to stop feeling put upon and complaining and tell him exactly, precisely what you want ie " I need to get out of the house. When you get back from your next trip I will be going to xxx on Sat and you must have the children for X hours" and then book a babysitter and dinner for you so you can talk to him and explain how exhausted and sad you are feeling.
Don't let it fester.

very wise words pagwatch

and what I was trying to say

You need to be a team

when he's home, he needs to take over from you and give you a break. You each need to value what the other does and thank them for it etc.

And agree you most definitely need to book yourself some time out.

If your breastfeeding is a tie, then you do imvho need to consider whether it is better for you as a whole family to stop. Yes ideally you want to continue because you won't do it again. But in life i've learned that we actually have to deal with the reality of what we're living with. If continuing is bringing you to the end of your tether then it's surely not worth it. Nothing is. You either need to make it possible for yourself to continue without being at the end of your tether by changing things with dh/getting more help, or you continue and accept that it is more important to you to continue and do it wholeheartedly or you stop. IMVHO.

I think stopping is probably (as someone with a very similar BF baby) not necessary; it'salmost always possible to modify things- express a bottle or two, cut down a bit so baby will take something else (if its a very occasional night out it does not matter if one bottle is replaced by cows milk, soya or juice for one feed if it keeps you sane and your marriage happy. Not at a year- soemthing I'm working on with ds4).

Rarely do there need to be absolutes, usually there's a nice halfway point to opt for.