My dd wont go anywhere daily where she will be loved as much as I love her....thats not going to happen is it :( ok so how do i deal with this?

[yummyummy]

Here goes....
DD born 05, started school sept 3rd 2009. (her schools hrs are 9am-12noon everyday until 21st sept then will be 9am-3pm) She has never been babysat or looked after by any1 but me or dh, apart from nursery staff from when she was 2 yr's old. Even that was only 4 hour a wk (2hr on mon, 2 hr on fri)

Today (day 5 of her schooling) we have an interview about dd, as does every parent at her school in reception regards their child. DH and I are asked lots of questions. Who are her friends, what names has she mentioned, what does DD enjoy to do at home, can she dress herself, do up her shoes, whats her favorite food, disliked food, does she have any allergies? (bit late for that question isnt it on day 5????!!!!!!) etc etc.

It then dawns on me I leave my child with strangers in a class of 30 other children everyday

Prior to this she has been with me and only a much loved nursery for 4 hours a wk.

Don't grill me please, yes I knew school would be hard for us both. But surely in this day and age with the things we read about young children god forbid, dont we as parents need to know our children are going somewhere to be protected and looked after?? Isn't there an easier way to break our (urm...ME and MY!) children into school?

fgs just wearing a stiff ironed shirt and a tie is a major thing for a little girl. every day. shes only used to princess dresses!!!!

Am I too overprotective with nothing else better to worry about?? DD has had 2 morning starter nsessions in june prior to starting school to 'familiarise' herself....PAH!!

I guess I need to know she is going somewhere everyday where she will be loved as much as me & DH love her....thats not going to happen is it What a sudden brick wall we have just hit

The OP hasn't come back has she.....

This was raised tentatively earlier but I do think it is relevent.

My DS2 never goes anywhere without my say so. He is always over seen by me. I know where he is and who he is with at every moment of the day and his life is very protected. The people around him care enormously for him and when I can't take him out myself I hire a woman who has known him since he was 3 and who can treat him as well as I do. She loves him which is weird really as I employ her but he is pretty loveable. He is thirteen in October and his life will continue pretty much that way until I die.
He is surrounded by love and nothing will hurt him ( barring natural disasters of course )

Does this sound like something you would want for your DD at 13, or 20 ?

Being a parent and loving our children is preparing them for the joy and excitement , the pain and the fear that the world outside brings. Unless every moment of joy that you experienced was in the presence of your mother (which I hope not ) then you need to prepare your child for her fantastic , hopefully head long race into her years ahead.

By all means question where she goes to school - or even if she goes to school. And nurture and protect her , she is still small.
But don't make your choices and your fear of the outside world stop you from introducing her to all the excitement and joy that an independent life will give her. You will be cheating her.
I wish I could give that to my son but it is not possible for him. You should embrace it. My DS1 is 16 and he is stepping into the world. It is scary but so fabulous to see.
Its our job.

I promise you she will be cared for and looked after at school.

No, not exactly as you do - but that's not possible is it, unless you are by her side constantly. You know that.

But school staff are all CRB checked and all trained and every FS2 staff member I have ever met is caring, nurturing, kind and wise. Many of them have years of experience at dealing with little ones. I am sure the staff at yr DD's school will be the same.

It will be fine, honestly. She will learn and grow and come on so much in confidence and skills. You'll be amazed.

Good post Amuminscotland.

I see the Op hasn't come back...

Very moving post, pagwatch.

My dd is also nearly 13 , also disabled, but far less so than your ds. When I get low about what she is missing out on life, I do always try to take a little space to think about how grateful I am that her disability will not make her dependent, that she will (God willing) experience the joy and excitement of ordinary adulthood and of making her own way in the world, that she is not always protected and looked after because, thankfully, she doesn't need to be. It is a very humbling thought.

OP - I do understand how you are feeling but you need to do what is best for your dd. My own dd started last week and is not enjoying school that much; I shed a tear when I leave her but in the long run she needs to go for her own well being.
The school sounds great having a meeting to discuss her "progress".

Let me tell you a story about a child I went to school with. Her mum kept her off school until the day of her 5th birthday, I believe it is / was the last date officially a child could start school without legal issues.
This child, lets call her Emma knew noone has her mum had not taken her anywhere (playgroups etc) prior to school and she stayed at home with her all the time. I have no doubt she loved her and did lots of educational and fun things with her but socially Emma was very awkward.

Emma's mum picked her up for lunch every day and took her home for lunch. I do not remember Emma being much involved in the class as she almost wasn't part of the class as she didnt seem to be there IYKWIM.

Emma was very much babyfied and her mum used to buy her the equivalent of CBeebies magazine when she was a teenager.

Emma must have struggled with the transition to secondary school as we all know that is a different experience from primary school.

Emma was very much a loner at secondary school too and looking back I feel very very sorry for her.

I do not know what happened to Emma in life as our paths have never crossed since secondary school.

Please think of poor Emma and want something different for your dd.

I home ed my 5 year old ds. One of the number of factors that went into it was how wrong it felt for him to be away from his family for 6 hours a day in a place that would not care emotionally for him, nor place all aspects of development as highly as educationally defined ones.

If you met me you would, like many others, find me one of the least "precious" people you know. But that line is trotted out if you don't conform to current British societal norms about the parent/child relationship.

What I'm saying is that there are other options if you so choose.

a child should learn to be resilient and have experiences out of the home. going to school isn't internment, it a regular activity majority of children do it rite of passage

bitty creepy and cloying to not want child away from you for legitimate purpose of schooling

Georgiemama - you may have thought it was funny. I didn't. Maybe I'm having an off day. Maybe the fact I'm home-educating makes me a bit touchy that once again home-ed is being linked with child abuse. Not funny considering the recent gov't attempt to do the same thing.

Scottishmummy - As I understand it bolding is to draw attention to something (which I haven't been alone in doing on this thread). I was drawing the posters attention to something I was 'talking' to them about. Is that okay with you? Are you moderating who and how we can direct our posts to? I was interested to know why and what the problem with not having a babysitter for your pre-school child was and how that was cossetting them.
And while we are at it, can you point me to the new mn rules that say I need your permission to post my thoughts.

Not creepy at all scottishmummy.

My eldest dd is off to university next week. I still feel that tug and she's 18. We are all excited with her and for her but we still understand that it's going to be a big change and I've no doubt that tears will be shed, even if they are only mine and in private.

To get away from the whole home educating controversy for a mo, and leaving aside the fact that the OP has abandoned her thread, I'm afraid the OP's daughter does sound cossetted to me - "only ever worn princess dresses" "I need to know she is going somewhere everyday where she will be loved as much as me & DH love her" etc.

The OP hasn't actually said her daughter is having problems adapting, after all. Sounds like she's the one with the problem (assuming she's not a journalist pretending to be a mother of a new school starter of course).

Im with juuule,I also thought bolding was to draw attention to whom you were addressing.

Now this isnt what you want to hear at all and I will say it isnt the norm but school isnt always the safe place we presume - my own son was bullied by a teacher and that harmed him quite badly,so no I dont think that we can just assume everyone in school is a loving nurturing being nor can we guide our dc to believe that all adults are good and give them unlimited freedom- as responsible parents we have to be aware that the workd is imperfect and make our decisions in view of that.

Also I do think that if a poster was to make derogatory comments about state schools or religion or even leli kellys she would have been pounced upon by several mumsnetters as it is the tacky comments about H.E seem to be insignificant ......one wonders why?

Aside from the issue of HE which always seems to provoke interesting responses..... it does sound as though the OP is cossetting her child in an unhealthy way.

Of course we all want to protect our children. We know the big wide world has risks, and isn't all lovely and fluffy. That's why as parents we endeavour to make the best choices for our children until they are old enough to make their own.

Unfortunately some mothers (and the OP sounds like one) see having a child as all about fulfilling their needs, rather than embarking on an exciting adventure of raising an independent person. I would guess 99% of the time that a mother feels a child shouldn't be apart from her, it's actually about the mothers wants and needs, not the child's.

But hormonal mum theres 2 sides to that coin .....lets talk for example about a girl I knew really well all through school and even today ......her mum was a single parent,she was palmed off to anyone who would look after her at any time,she had a variety of 'uncles',she moved around living in squats and battered wifes refuges,she witnessed alcoholism and drug use,her mother became ill and subsequently died when the girl was 11 and the girl lived with her stepfather,she had to sleep on the settee for 3 years as there was no bed or space for her,she was forced to work at 13 after school,she had no clothes except her free school uniform,she rarely had money her wages were taken from her as her 'keep',she witnessed lots of drugtaking shoplifting etc etc,she was allowed out anywhere in fact several nights she was paid to stay out all night bcos the stepfather needed the settee for him and his gf .

sad isnt it?

That was me.

Im a very intense mother i need to know where my dc are at all times yes I do h.e the youngest and have done the others at varying times,but my dc are frequently praised for their manners and respect and we are known as a 'strong family unit'.

I dont think you can love too much.

I don't think you can love too much either.

Love doesn't equate with being with your children 24 hours a day though. I find the way the OP raises the love aspect rather worrying actually. Perhaps she is 'measuring' love the wrong way.

I am amazed that so much angst has come from, what to me, just seemed like the musings of a Mum at a transition point. I didn't take everything as literally as some, for example the comparison of wearing princess dresses with a shirt and tie. I really didn't think the Op meant it literally, I took it that the OP was trying to demonstrate how it was a massive leap in to new territory.

It is interesting to me that there are always cries of how we shouldn't judge on threads where someone is behaving neglectfully or abusively, yet some are much quicker to judge in a situation such as this and it seems to be more acceptable.

Mia I think its because it can be bloody hard being a mum theres no 'exam' where we are graded so we are all just playing it blindly and I suppose that for every alternative view there is always the risk that we are doing it wrong ourselves.

But, that's my point nickschick, it is hard being a mum and we should try not to judge, but somehow judging someone for caring too much seems to be more readily vilified on MN.

I am not saying that this doesn't bring its own issues, just that I wonder why it is an easier target.

On children by Kahlil Gibran has been a favourite of mine for many years, thanks for posting it anniemac. It has definitely strongly influenced the way I parent.
OP I strongly suggest you have a read of it! Your children are not your children

god y'all gone bold daft.teach a dog a new trick....

scottishmummy you heidthebaw

What nonsense
I didn't think anyone was criticising the OP for caring were they? I thought they were suggesting that how that care is manifest can result in a childs connection with the outside world being restricted which is not a good thing.
A parent could chose to care for their child by offering so much food the child becomes unhealthy - that would be criticised too wouldn't it?
I think we voice our own bias when we point out what behavior is criticised and which accepted on here.
People who ignore their chldren always seem to get flack on the thread I have seen - I don;t notive uncaring parenting being praised.

I don't know how home ed became such an issue here as it is not really part of the ops issue is it?
A child in school can be over protected, It is attitude not enviroment.

aye fannybaws here whit ye want cannae be arsed wi that bold too much like shouting.if need be,a discreet italic but bold is for bampots and radges

OP needs to bear in mind that littlies can get a lot out of their relationships with other kids and other adults - Mummy & daddy will still be favourite and best, but teachers and other kids have different wisdoms to impart.

My oh is still friends with people he went to reception class with. I on the other hand always found school difficult, but it was still necessary, a shy kid isn't made bolder by staying at home.

so YANBU to want your baby to be well looked after, but YABU if you want everywhere to be as loving as home.

children experientially learn by exposure to many circumstances,good and bad.no parent can ever protect 24-7 from cruel words,jibes,disappointment. however these things do shape us and we learn and grow from such experience. generally becoming robust

one would expect as children grow older their autonomy increases as does time away from parents and time spent with others increases

nickschick, as the only person who's mentioned "nurturing" I assume yr post was aimed at me.

I am sorry for what happened to your son; but all I said was that all the FS2 staff I have met have been nurturing etc.

Clearly there are some less nice teachers; not many though. What happened to your child is surely the exception.

I thought my post was rather supportive actually

ggggrrrrrrrrr

what do you expect ? In her first job, her boss will 'love her like you do' ?

She is your daughter, not your posessions, and you 'job' as her parents is to help her develop into the most rounded happiest adult you can This includes being able to mange when people don't 'love her like you do'.

She WILL grow up. Its inevitable.

you need to grow up too