More of an 'is it unreasonable' to lock a toddler in a bathroom...

[FlamingoBingo]

...for half an hour crying so you can read a story to your two older children?

Really want to know what others' reactions to hearing about this would be!

I don't understand why she would do CC using the bathroom, which is probably the most dangerous room in the house for an unsupervised toddler. I did CC when ds was 8.5 months and never slept through the night (which meant neither had I). I did it in 30 sec bursts and extended it up to a maximum of 6 mins over a 3 night period (only took 3 nights fortunately).

Afair the key to CC is not rewarding the child for their crying - ie go into their bedroom settle them but no eye contact or talking. I don't think I'd want to be locked in a bathroom and I'm certainly not a toddler.

If it was a friend of a friend of mine I would be spelling out my views very clearly to my friend in the hope that it influenced her skeewed view and her friend's.

Oh dear

nobody is using the bathroom for controlled crying.

OP's friend wants to start controlled crying. OP doesn't approve.

OP's friend's friend who has told OP's friend about CC has a strange view of what CC actually IS which includes shutting children away in bathrooms.

OP is concerned, both that CC is cruel, and that her friend is going to do CC wrong through listening to bonkers friend. They are two separate issues that the OP, and everyone else, has conflated and got very confused about.

FWIW I don't agree with the OP about CC if done properly. But I agree that this woman who has been talking to her friend is not doing it properly.

Why was the letter so long?

How long does it take to say "I don't agree with the way you've chosen to parent your child and I think you should do it my way"?

Don't lock anyone in a room. I'm 40yrs old and still feel traumatised by what my mum used to do (locking me in bathroom).
If she wanted some peace and quiet she would do this. She reckoned that I would be OK as I had water from the tap and a toilet.
I used to nap in the bath as it was for so long, but I don't think it could have been more than 2hrs at the most.

Locking a toddler in a bathroom or any other room is not controled crying. A toddler should not be locked away anywhere.

Actually I would say it is abusive. A toddler locked alone in a room for half an hour would, I think, end up hysterical - They are too little to understand what is happening to them or why they are there. Anyone who would do this, would do their child some serious psychological damage imo. Not to mention that the Bathroom, along with the Kitchen, is probably one of the two most potentially dangerous places to leave a child. Am so staggered by this!

kat2907 Thank you had really understood OP's posts a very different way!

OP my apologies!

The bump reminded me to update.

I put a very, very tactfully worded letter through her letterbox with the book The Science of Parenting. She had asked my advice about how I cope with controlled crying, assuming I did it, because I seem to parent in much the same way she does...

I had to just keep my fingers crossed that I wasn't offending her by lending her the book, and said so in my letter.

Anyway, she texted me later, a really lovely friendly text, thanking me for the letter and book. She didn't say what she decided on, and frankly that wasn't my motive - I wasn't about changing what she did. I wanted her to make a choice knowing all the fact, not just what her bizarre friend had told her, and it had been such a shock when she asked me about it, I couldn't think quick enough to say the right thing so said very little except that we hadn't done it. That's when she'd said how adamant she was she was going to do it because she believed it was good for her DS.

that being your "fact" that CC has been proven to be harmful?

how do you think your friend will feel when she realises you have lied to her?

We were lousy at CC.
But I am sure that I read that each time you leave the child with CC that you do it for a bit longer than last time; so easily could get to the point where you left them alone for 30 minutes (for those tots who scream for hours).
So it does sound exactly the same to me as CC in the OP. Not that I like CC, anyway.

I have locked myself in the bathroom (away from all the DC, of all ages) just so that I could have a brief but entirely peaceful conversation on the phone .