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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be contemplating asking my neighbour to move her newborn into her bedroom at night?

327 replies

willow · 10/09/2009 11:41

Essentially, we live in a semi and neighbour's new baby is in a room that's next to our bedroom. Neighbour is on the floor above. Upshot is that we wake up from baby's cries, well before its parents do. Not even going to go down the advice to prevent cotdeath route, or fact that I think there might be a she who must not be named routine being followed.

Should I ask them, politely, to contemplate having baby in same room as them, at least for a little while until it's settled into a bit more of a routine? Appreciate that I can't demand they rethink where they're siting the nursery - but don't see why we should be disturbed more than the actual parents.

OP posts:
AitchwonderswhoFruitCrumbleis · 11/09/2009 11:28

yes, that's a good point. i'd be inclined to wait until 6 weeks i think.

PuppyMonkey · 11/09/2009 11:33

If the shoe was on the other foot, would you move rooms if they mentioned that your hubby's snoring or your incredibly rampant lovemaking was keeping them awake at night? Or would you tell them to sod off?

AitchwonderswhoFruitCrumbleis · 11/09/2009 11:34

she'd MOVE of course, because she's not a flaming sociopath...

casbie · 11/09/2009 11:36

I get very emotional when I hear a baby screaming it's head off. Especially when baby is being pushed in a pram.. mother almost oblivious to the noise.

I would want to pick the child up - naughty I know.

Can you not mention that it's very distressing hearing the baby, crying through the night? Ask if they have a baby monitor or how's the feeding going?

You can be sympathetic and ask her to take baby in her room... me thinks

AitchwonderswhoFruitCrumbleis · 11/09/2009 11:36

if she had a spare bedroom to do it, of course.

this isn't a biggie, these people have Their Own Room (which is where the baby SHOULD be, let's not beat about the bush) and they also have another spare room that is away from the partition.

PuppyMonkey · 11/09/2009 11:48

Crikey, I must be a flaming sociopath then cos I don't see how it is anybody else's business ...

BonsoirAnna · 11/09/2009 11:51

I don't think you can possibly suggest your own solution to the problem.

However, I do think that you can very gently let your neighbour know that their baby is disturbing your sleep and that you wondered whether they could change his bedroom until he was sleeping (more or less) through.

nappyaddict · 11/09/2009 12:07

willow so have you mentioned it yet?

katiestar · 11/09/2009 12:08

If the walls are as thin as all that ,your family must have disturbed them in the past.

Why don't you put up some accoustic plasterboard on the
party wall of the bedroom

katiestar · 11/09/2009 12:12

Or why don't you sleep downstairs or in a campbed in other room for a few weeks.You seem to think its OK to dictae what room they can and can't have the baby in but not move rooms yourself
You know can't help hoping if you have another bay it screams non stop for 6 hours every night and a neighbour comes to you and complains !

dingdong05 · 11/09/2009 12:27

willow has left the building
and she agreed some time ago to go and buy some ear plugs, or summat.

my ds was a screamer, all the time. i live in a high rise, surrounded by people and no one complained. I did apologise to my next door neighbour and he said he heard nothing, and I wasn't to apologise for it anyway... I will always be grateful to him for his understanding and good neighbourliness

Original poster
willow · 11/09/2009 13:28

Katiestar - what is it you don't get? We don't have another room to move into.

And, oh to have another baby. Unfortunately, I can 't. But thanks for that.

Sharpest knife in drawer. I don't think.

OP posts:
hmc · 11/09/2009 13:46

katiestar - that's ridiculous.

GreenMonkies · 11/09/2009 13:48

willow what have you decided? Sympathetic subtlety or try and out up with it? I'm with you, YANBU, a 2 week old baby should not be downstairs in another room, and it's cries should not be waking you in the night when there is a solution; putting the baby in the same room as it's parents. If it was in with it's parents not only would it not be on the other side of your bedroom wall, but it would be getting it's needs met long before it was crying that loud!

Katiestar, and everyone else who has said "babies cry, get over it", um, no they don't, not if they are picked up, fed. cuddled, carried and generally nurtured. Crying is a distress call, they do it when there is something wrong, and for a baby to wake up alone in the night is wrong! Mine were kept close and didn't cry. It's not rocket science, it's nature.

Original poster
willow · 11/09/2009 13:50

Decision is to say nowt and see how we fare.

OP posts:
AitchwonderswhoFruitCrumbleis · 11/09/2009 14:22

yep, greenmonkies, my two really didn't cry at that age. coupla squeaks and a cuddle and it was all over. in fact my downstairs neighbour didn't know we had a baby until our first daughter was one. sure we were lucky she wasn't overly colicky but this baby won't have colic yet, it's just crying for its mum, who is a floor away.

independiente · 11/09/2009 15:23

Good lord Katiestar, read the thread properly!
Anyway, it's not about dictating terms, it's about reaching a solution together as kind and reasonable adults.

Cosmosis · 11/09/2009 15:51

Just a thought, but how well do you know your neighbours? I mean are they aware that the room they have put the baby in is next to your room? they might not actually realise the layout of your house compared to theirs and therefore might not realise the baby is disturbing you.

It's a hard one, I'd hate to feel my baby was keeping my neighbours up, but I'd also hate to have to raise the subject if I was being kept up!

skidoodle · 11/09/2009 16:37

There is no gentle way to tell someone that you want them to make arrangements for their newborn based on your convenience (or distress! Jesus, talk about a situation where This is Not About You)

You might normally be a great neighbour, but if you think that this is a situation that justifies any kind of input from you, then you are not being a good neighbour about this.

Kind and reasonable adults do not even "gently" approach the parents of a newborn about it keeping them awake at night. The "together" solution here is to put up and shut up and realise that sometimes your needs and wants are not the most important thing, no matter now put out you feel.

AitchwonderswhoFruitCrumbleis · 11/09/2009 16:46

extraordinary.

skidoodle · 11/09/2009 16:48

What's extraordinary?

Thinking that sometimes in life there are situations you just have to suck up an deal with even though you don't get your own way?

AitchwonderswhoFruitCrumbleis · 11/09/2009 16:54

the aggression.

MadameCastafiore · 11/09/2009 16:56

I'd get down chemist and stock up on Nytol - I can sleep through a hurricane once I have had a couple of those (the proper ones not the pny arsed herbal things!) - maybe alternate nights with your DH if you have young kids you have to be with it for.

skidoodle · 11/09/2009 16:59

What aggression? I certainly don't mean to be aggressive, although I must say I don't find your passive aggression terribly pleasant either.

skidoodle · 11/09/2009 17:03

"Mine were kept close and didn't cry. It's not rocket science, it's nature."

That's not rocket science or nature, it's one person's experience.