to be hurt at comment re not being with ds very much as i work??!!!

[cheekymonk]

Morning all!
DS starts school today and was talking to neighbour about it, who is a sahm with 3 kids. She said that 'well you work so you are used to not seeing ds much but it will still be a shock when he starts school'.

I think this is really out of order and very smug and self righteous! yes I have worked since ds was 1 and started with 2 days and now work 4 days/26 hours per week. It is not all day every day. A child starting school is a wrench for ANY parent imo and even if I did work full-time I think this is an unnecessary comment.

I have had this week off with ds and really enjoyed being with him. Perhaps I am questioning my decisions and do feel guilty so am sensitive to comments like these!

I do feel that there is an under current of because I have been working, ds starting school is less of a big deal and almost like I have not earnt the right to enjoy 'the break' once he goes because I have been working!! I am changing hours to fit exactly with school hours and am lucky my job is flexible enough to do that but will have no 'break' like many parents.

I just hate that being a working mum makes me somehow less of a mum in some people's eyes. it is unfair, insulting and untrue!

I found it less of a wrench than many of the SAHM mums. In fact, I was positively relieved when DD1 started school. We've had our ups and downs with childcare arrangements, and I'm 100x happier with our arrangements for her now. When they're both in and we're out of the nursery/ nanny market for good, it's going to be bliss.

I also realise I secretly love having older kids - DD1 and I just went to Pizza Express tonight for dinner (treat for starting school) and had a blast. "Mom are you going to have wine?" So, for me it's okay.

Seeker, you put that really well. I feel a bit redundant this week, now my youngest has gone to nursery. All I need now is the payoff I would have had for working for 8 years, 24 hours a day, with no breaks .

YAB - a little - U

And it is all about your own insecurities based on the neighbour saying you don't see your ds much, which if you work you don't, compared to a sahp. Which is not to say your ds isn't always at the forefront of your mind

But she didn't say that. Nor did she say "As you work, you love him less" or "As you work I bet you couldn't give a monkeys about this milestone".

She acknowledged it would a shock.

I think you need to be a little less sensitive. I work but have plenty of sahm friends, I dont' judge them (actually I do - I admire them hugely) and I hope they don't judge me. We're all different, so long as we're not dumping our dcs aged three in Dotheboys Hall, who cares?

Thanks ladies, all pretty intelligent and well considered thoughts/opinions. By nursery mums, I just meant the mums i know at nursery, nthing else. Yes I see what you mean soupdragon, I am being a bit us and them about it...
Still, ds is settling in well and can't wait to go back on Monday so I am happy. Have a good weekend everyone xx