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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think a little bit of help would've been nice?!

41 replies

milknosugarplease · 09/09/2009 11:34

hiya,
yesterday i was running late to pick up the kids (im a nanny) from school (due to a projectile vomiting incident, but thats another story!) so went to the bus stop to hop on a bus to go to the school (40 min walk or 25 min bus ride)

anyway, i got on with the buggy and there was already 1 buggy and a kids bike there, was told i couldnt get the buggy in so i owuld have to either get off or fold it up, i went for the latter as i was so late, normally if i have the eldest two with me one of them holds her whilst i fold up the buggy (its a two handed fold up 1)

its a bit of a juggling act holding her and folding the buggy but if the bus isnt ,oving its do-able. anyway as soon as i got her out the buggy he sped of, i nearly fell over whilst holding her but steadied myself.

now it was clear that i was struggling to do this yet not a single person offered any help at all, there were 2 mums from the school on the bus who i have said a quick hello or nod to yet neither of them offered.
everyone did the pretending not to notice you thing.

anyway she then starts crying because im not holding her how she likes to be held, its only then, that a man on the seat with his back to me turns around to see whats going on, he sees me struggling and pushes past everyone to come to the front and help me (doubt he'll ever in his life read this but THANK U!)

as the buggy is really tricky to close (you have to kjnow how to do it iygwim) i asked him if he could hold her for me, which he obliged (he was standing up next to me holding her tight etc, i wasnt just abandoning her with him!)so i could sort the buggy out,

then a woman who this whole entire time has been sitting watching me, starts shouting and saying "why are you giving a strange man your child? your disgusting, he could take her anywhere, he could drop her or harm her you need to grow up etc etc" then a mum from school says "how do you think would like it if you were handing her off to strangerd?"

to both of them i just said "well im actually very appriciative of him helping me considering every single one of you saw me struggling and didnt offer to help"

the man then gave me his seat whilst he stood up!

now am i being unreasonable to think that it shouldnt have been this much of a saga?!

i am appriciative that he helped but he ony noticed me when she cried what about everyone else?

i do realise that people have shopping, injuries etc that means they cant get up but surely not everyone?!

i told the mum what had happened and she was perfectly happy with him holding her, so no probllem there!

woah that was long!

milk

xx`

OP posts:
Ponders · 09/09/2009 11:36

He is a gentleman. They are not ladies!

themildmanneredjanitor · 09/09/2009 11:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

abra1d · 09/09/2009 11:37

'then a woman who this whole entire time has been sitting watching me, starts shouting and saying "why are you giving a strange man your child? your disgusting, he could take her anywhere, he could drop her or harm her you need to grow up etc etc" then a mum from school says "how do you think would like it if you were handing her off to strangerd?"'

These women are mad. Mad and sad. What did they think he was going to do to her in a crowded public place? Some people will find dirt anywhere.

Thank God you were sensible enough to take his kindly-offered help.

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 09/09/2009 11:38

They are stupid cows. Where the fuck was he going to run off with this baby on a moving bus? God some people are dumb.

dilemma456 · 09/09/2009 11:49

Message withdrawn

StayFrosty · 09/09/2009 11:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EleanoraBuntingCupcake · 09/09/2009 11:58

pmsl @ 'where on earth do you live? crazy town?'

i couldn't have put it better myself. silly bints

Ladygooga · 09/09/2009 12:08

Mad women!!!!

Last month a lovely lad got up when I was struggling to get on train with 2 dd's pushchair and shopping.

He helped me with the pushchair and shopping and then gave me his seat, I nearly fell over from the shock as he was only a teenager but so helpful and respectful, he was a true credit to his parents whoever they are.

LadyPinkofPinkerton · 09/09/2009 12:22

Totally mad!!!

I am utterly astounded that they could watch you struggle and not help then have the nerve to turn around and say that to you.

Original poster
milknosugarplease · 09/09/2009 12:31

I live in north london...crazy town is appropriate!!

I've always offered to help with kids and buggies etc, in fact the other mum from school (not the mouthy one), was trying to get in a taxi with buggy 2 dc's shopping and a trike last year and i stopped everything i was doing to help her...apparently she suffers short term memory loss!

before i worked with babies and people used to say "you become invisible with a buggy" i used to roll my eyes but now its so true! people seem to think that walking in front of the buggy or into it (which will them of course be my fault!) is fine! er no its annoying!

the last time i had to fold the buggy up and i had all 3 this lovely lad at the back of the bus came and helped and got his mates to get up so we could sit down, and he was definetly someone i wouldve put my head down and hurried past when i saw him!-its a terrible thought!

but yet he helped and people who have kids and know what its like just sit there staring at yoiu!

i need some lovely mumsnetters to follow me around on buses!

grrr!!

xx

OP posts:
tinkerbellesmuse · 09/09/2009 13:38

North London - you should have said!

On no.38 when heavily pregnant with 12mth in tow I was struggling to do similar fold buggy with DD under arm manouvre.

Only person who (tried) to help was guy with his FULL leg in plaster (ankle to thigh) we were a proper comedy duo swinging from the centre pole.

Not one person even looked up from te floor despite the pretty amusing floor show we were providing.

Original poster
milknosugarplease · 09/09/2009 13:55

ooh where in north london are ya?!

oh thats terrible! actually thats discusting! (as is my spelling!)

this was the damn no.4!

OP posts:
junkcollector · 09/09/2009 14:09

"how do you think would like it if you were handing her off to strangerd?"

Think the mum would be more upset that neither of them had got up to help her dd.

Move to South London, apart from the gun crime it's much friendlier.

KERALA1 · 09/09/2009 14:14

Right so the only contribution made by the women that sat and watched you struggle was to criticise when a helpful person finally did the right thing? Unbelievable very . Poor man as well bet he won't be so quick to help out next time if thats the reaction he gets.

I used to find that those that help are often those least able to - very doddery old men for example. When I was on crutches they would often insist on carrying my bag/helping me along. They were often in more need than I was it was really touching.

QuintessentialShadows · 09/09/2009 14:22

I beg to differ JunkCollector.

I was on the bus from Kingston Hospital up to St Georges with my two sons (ds1 4 years, ds2 9 months), as ds1 had a consultation at the hospital. He was poorly (severly aenemic), so fell asleep on the bus, resting his head towards the window. I had had to fold ds2s umbrella fold buggy. At my stop, I had not been able to wake up DS1, and had to grap him, ds2 and buggy under my arm and leap out. Ds1 lost a shoe of his foot, and the shoe was left behind on the bus. I yelled for the busdriver to stay so I could collect ds1s shoe, which he did.

Guess what the other passengers were doing?
They were of course laughing. They had been sniggering through my struggles, and laughed out loud when ds1 lost his shoe.

QuintessentialShadows · 09/09/2009 14:23

I dont know what it is with people these days, happy to watch people struggle, and they only rouse themselves from the apathy to criticize, judge and snigger.

KERALA1 · 09/09/2009 14:28

QS that is outrageous and very sad.

We were walking along the other day when two cars pulled over waving frantically and a bus driver shouted at me to let me know I had dropped dd's coat (don't live in London anymore as this episode probably demonstrates!)

YorkshireRose · 09/09/2009 14:31

Totally mad cows!

Really sorry you had to put up with this crazy onslaught from these miserable,lazy fu**ers.

Could it be partly them (the mothers that is)looking down their noses at you as you are "just a nanny" in their eyes? Some of the mums at my dcs schools can be a bit like this. Really annoys me.

Hope you gave names to your employer so she can make a point of thanking them for all the "help" they have been giving her nanny next time she sees them!

callaird · 09/09/2009 14:35

Just remember what goes around comes around!!

They are going to struggle one day and wonder where all the gentlemen (and ladies!) are.

And on a positive note, there are lovely people out there who will help (making all the wicked people look and feel awful).

I always help out (as long as I am not struggling with armfuls of stuff) and am happy to give the person in front of me in a queue a quid or so if they are a bit short and I find that it does come back to me!!!

PeedOffWithNits · 09/09/2009 14:37

why are so many people, especially mums, so unwilling to HELP, then judge those who do, suspecting their motives

whatever is happening to our society!

tobago04 · 09/09/2009 14:42

What complete cows and how awful for the poor man, to bascically be called a child snatcher! Bet he wont be in a hurry to help anyone again

SomeGuy · 09/09/2009 14:47

silly fuckers. What is a man going to do with your child on a crowded bus? Or indeed anywhere else?

AdelaideJo · 09/09/2009 14:48

I've moved myself and family out of London not 48 hours ago (still in culture shock!) back to my hometown for PRECISELY this kind of shit behaviour people think is 'normal' in the city, among other more pressing issues like a bigger home .

So far since i've been back I've managed to register with a GP WITHOUT giving a copy of my passport, and had various work/service men turn up on time to do the work AND do it properly....DP is amazed at the difference in people's attitudes when you get outside London.

Prinpo · 09/09/2009 16:42

What a bunch of dumbasses. I remember being on the tube whilst pregnant. Very elderly woman got on, obviously in need of a seat and no other bugger stood up so I did. Everyone else seemed happy to just sit there and let the big pregnant lady stand! Just beggars belief... (deep breath before I turn into outraged Daily Mail reader).

Poor bloke too. Perish the thought that he might just be a decent bloke trying to help. Man with child so obviously predatory paedo.. what are these other mums thinking?

gorionine · 09/09/2009 16:50

I have been in buses many times with my dcs and pushchairs thinking why does nobody ever help or but your story beats them all! I have never heard anyone so mean as the women you are talking about! revolting behaviour!

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