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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be bloody annoyed at DP!

36 replies

sparkle09 · 05/09/2009 18:41

my dad lives near dubai, and has said to us that if we get DP and DC's passports he would buy us all flights to spends xmas with them.

i was obviously really excited by this but has just been told that DP wont pay out for the 3 passports as he has better things to spend his money on and is uncomforable about going to the UAE.

i can understand for he has never been abroad (hes 32) and to go to such a cultured country can be daunting. but people have been telling him the is tough out there about drinking and tattoos and that he wouldnt be able to hold my hand when walking down the street, but it really isnt that bad and there really scaring him off.

i have really tried to reassure him but its not sinking in and we could be missing out on such a great time and for only the cost of passports! and i may not be seeing my dad next year as he wants a year off from coming to the uk (it is quite tough when he comes home cos everyone wants a peice of him)

i feel so upset and annoyed! not sure what to do, thought id post on here cos i only would have emailed my dad and would have been mean about DP.

i just wish DP was more open minded. his lack of an open mind really gets to me alot.

sorry rambling now ill shut up. thanks for reading. xxxx

OP posts:
MaureenMLove · 05/09/2009 18:45

How about a compromise? Tell him you and DC's will go before christmas for a visit then?

If he really is worried about being in Dubai, and understandably worried about going abroad at all, then you should understand. BUT by the same token, he should understand than you want to see your dad!

mamas12 · 05/09/2009 18:50

That's a great idea maureen why should he spoil what would be a great chance for you and dcs to see your dad?
You never know he may change his mind once all the arranging starts.

chefswife · 05/09/2009 18:51

Dubai is the Las Vegas of the middle east. He'll do fine. Maybe you could ask your dad to get you and LO tickets and passports and just the two of you go. Getting your passports is cheaper then a ticket for someone who clearly has no desire to experience life outside their hovel.

MaureenMLove · 05/09/2009 18:53

I suspect that's exactly what he'll do!!

You need to get the passports on the go soon though, so it gives him time to get his when he changes his mind!

Men are funny creatures. A friends husband was totally adamant that he'd never go to the States, because he'd read/watched/heard how awful it was. She eventually managed to persaud him to go and he loved it. They're booking to go again next year! It's the fear of the unknown.

diddl · 05/09/2009 18:55

Are you allowed to have sex if you´re not married?

FabBakerGirlIsBack · 05/09/2009 18:55

Go yourself with your kids and leave your DP at home.

moondog · 05/09/2009 18:56

a. Dubai is not cultured

b. You can do what you like there

c. If he won't come, go alone. Sort the passports yourself.

FabBakerGirlIsBack · 05/09/2009 18:56

I would also question if he is going to try and say you can't go either.

ChookKeeper · 05/09/2009 18:58

diddl - yes, just not in the middle of the airport

Original poster
sparkle09 · 05/09/2009 19:02

diddl - not really but it is quite relaxed with regards to hotel rooms and stuff. you just dont flaunt yourselves in public,

my dad live in a place called al ain, (about an hour away) which is more traditional rather than dubai itself which has become more and more westernised as the years have gone by, i actually dont like dubai anymore.

i will get my stepmum to try to talk to him but i think its more likely we wont be going at xmas anyway

OP posts:
MaureenMLove · 05/09/2009 19:04

That really is very sad. Can he not see the bigger picture, that you would like to spend some time with your dad?

Original poster
sparkle09 · 05/09/2009 19:05

moondog- payin £100 for passports is not that easy when you dont have £100. the money for them was going to be coming from a small amount of inheritance that he got a few weeks ago. so it is purely down to him.

OP posts:
FabBakerGirlIsBack · 05/09/2009 19:07

So, you are not going to see your dad because your boyfriend has thrown a tantrum?

diddl · 05/09/2009 19:10

Just thought if you´re not supossed to have sex if not married, you could use that as an excuse to go without your partner.

MaureenMLove · 05/09/2009 19:10

Have you had a proper chat about this? Or was it just, 'dad has suggested...' and he said, 'no'?

I think if he really loves you, the very least he can do is sit down and talk about his reservations. It can't be easy for someone who has never left this country, for whatever reason.

Have a go. Wait til the lo's are in bed and you know he's in a reasonable mood and have a chat.

moondog · 05/09/2009 19:11

What will you do for spending money if you go then?
Am confused-if you can't afford £100 really, maybe you can't afford to go full stop?

HalfMumHalfBiscuit · 05/09/2009 19:24

Er Dubai makes its money from tourism so I should think DP will be fine. They want more tourists, not people being frightened off. You can drink alcohol in pubs / bars / restaurants in the hotels.

Dubai is very westernised as Sparkle says. I went there with work as a single girl and found the locals very respectful as long as you are aware of their customs. Saying that there are loads of girls in western short skirts and bikinis on the beach / at pools.

Sounds like you would miss out on a great experience.

3littlefrogs · 05/09/2009 19:29

Dubai is lovely. Sort out the passports and you go with the DCs.

Original poster
sparkle09 · 05/09/2009 19:29

moondog - were staying at my dads, he will be giving us spending money, the only condition he gave us for this was that we got the passports.

maureen - we have spoke a bit about it when my dad was here last month, and he agreed, but will talk to him about it again, he is difficult to talk to sometimes and its hard to find a "good time" to talk to about things aswell.

diddl - lol. didnt think of that.

i do hope he will see sense, i will try anyway.

OP posts:
GetOrfMoiLand · 05/09/2009 19:29

Nowt cultured about Dubai ime. It's like Benidorm with a twist.

You will have no problems about being able to stay in hotel rooms whilst not married. An you will be able to hold hands. It's fine.

I would be very pissed off that he is trying to restrict your seeing your dad. I would get passports for your kids and leave him behind. Why is he holding the purse strings?

Also, fwiw Dubai is not cheap, so unless your dad will pay for everything, you will need some spending money.

moondog · 05/09/2009 19:36

Seems a bit odd to go abraod as a grown up and have your dad give you spending money i must say.

mrsboogie · 05/09/2009 19:39

You shouldn't be in a position where your DP can tell you what to do or withhold money like that. It's 2009 you are supposed to be equals and your wishes should hold equal weight. If he doesn't want to go that's up to him but he should not be stopping you.

Why don't you get a part time job an save up the money yourself for passports and anything else you want to do that he puts an obstacle in the way of?

Firawla · 05/09/2009 19:40

just go without dp if he is so against it

Original poster
sparkle09 · 05/09/2009 19:41

i will just add i know what dubai is like ive been there a number of times, also abu dhabi.

but we will be in a town which is nothing like dubai, were not going there as tourists as such. it is much more traditional than the two citys.

also i wont go without DP or DC, maybe i should but i wouldnt want to be away from the kids for 2 weeks so i wouldnt inflict that on their dad. none of us have ever been apart for more than a few days at a time. x

OP posts:
Original poster
sparkle09 · 05/09/2009 19:45

the money is his inheritance from his late grandmother, and if it was the other way round he wouldnt expect me to spend it on what he wants.

our day to day money is shared as normal. x

OP posts: