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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that this is a bit odd?

45 replies

mosschops30 · 03/09/2009 21:44

Me and dh are good friends with our neighbours, we do the usual, chat in the street, have bbq's at each others houses, get together for coffee etc.

So this week we were talking ahout a local restaurant that we love, and we both came to the idea that the 4 of us should go.

Today I speak with her about booking and she says 'oh you dont mind me asking so and so do you'? (her single friend), and I quickly replied 'no thats fine'

But the more I think about it, the more odd it seems! If me and dh are going out with another couple I wouldnt dream of inviting a single friend along and making it 5.

So AIBU to think this is a bit weird? Or is it totally normal?

OP posts:
mmrsceptic · 03/09/2009 21:45

totally normal

yabu

pregnantpeppa · 03/09/2009 21:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BlueBumedFly · 03/09/2009 21:46

Maybe her single friend is going through a really hard time and she needs a night out with nice company? Perhaps she is just being nice?

zookeeper · 03/09/2009 21:47

not in the least odd. In fact odd that you would find it odd.

Original poster
mosschops30 · 03/09/2009 21:49

It doesnt 'have' to be 2 couples, but when you say to someone 'oh yes it would be lovely if the four of us could all go and have a meal' rather than 'lets get a big group together and have a big meal' its different.

Maybe tis just me, but I wouldnt arrange to meet another couple for a meal, then bring another friend.
Plus I have met this woman twice, if she is having a bad time, surely there are better ways to make her feel better than taking her out for dinner with 2 relative strangers.

OP posts:
fiver · 03/09/2009 21:49

Normal

drlove8 · 03/09/2009 21:49

it is a bit weird, but mabey her friend is really nice/ good fun or been through a bad time and needs to socialise some more.
do you or your dh have any bloke friends you could ask along? .
mabey your friend thinks your great and wants you to be mate with her other friends too.?
you never know , might be a laugh.

Bellsa · 03/09/2009 21:54

It's reactions like this that make single people feel excluded from having a normal social life...when you're not part of a couple you are excluded from so many things. I really appreciated the effort people like your neighbours made when I was single. YABU.

Original poster
mosschops30 · 03/09/2009 21:57

Bellsa, they generally go out with her once a week, either together or just the wife and friend.
She is deffo not excluded from anything, I think thats more your own feelings.

And yes drlove8, she does seem like a very nice person on the 2 occasions Ive met her, I have absolutely nothing against going out in a group with singles and couples (do this with dh's friends quite a lot) but if we specifically go out with anothet couple for a meal, we do not invite a random single friend of mine or dh's, so thats probably why it seems odd to me

OP posts:
mamas12 · 04/09/2009 15:40

Why on earth do you think it odd??
Bellsa is right about those perceptions about single people.
I am one and am suffering in a small town full of people not wanting me to be the spare wheel all the time.
Perhaps your friend thinks you would really hit it off with her and you will gain another friend. That's all think positive and you will have a great time.

lifeswhatyoumakeit · 04/09/2009 17:11

Back in 1993/1994 I was single but my best friend and 2 of her friends were in relationships. The seven of us constantly went out for dinner together and enjoyed ourselves. None of them ever objected to me coming along, and I would have been upset if they had.

Ironically I was the first one of them to get married!!!

GibbonInARibbon · 04/09/2009 17:16

My first thought was 'tis normal YABU but thinking on, it does seem a bit odd. Not wrong by any means. I think what I am trying to say is it is not something I would do. I would arrange to see single friend on another night and keep the dinner as arranged.

colditz · 04/09/2009 17:16

Would you think it odd if they were bringing another couple, rather than another person?

GoAwayMrWappy · 04/09/2009 17:18

YANBU I would think it slightly odd but I would still go if you like her.

GibbonInARibbon · 04/09/2009 17:18

Yes but lifes you were all friends. That is very different.

diddl · 04/09/2009 17:19

I think it depends on who did the inviting/arranging.

pjmama · 04/09/2009 23:29

This happened to us a few years ago. Arranged a meal with another couple, they brought one of his uni friends who had decided to come and visit at short notice. Turned out to be a really interesting bloke and we all had a lovely time!

Felt a bit uncomfortable when he called us the next day and asked how we'd feel about a threesome though (kidding )

stickylittlefingers · 04/09/2009 23:35

perhaps unexpected? As colditz said, what if it had been another couple- would that be just as odd because you were expecting 4 of you.

I wouldn't dwell.

thesecondcoming · 04/09/2009 23:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FfreckleFface · 04/09/2009 23:43

It's normal, YAB a bit U.

Why would it be an issue? Would an extra person get in the way of the spouse-swapping?

lilolilmanchester · 05/09/2009 22:18

sorry, I'd think it more odd to exclude someone just because they are single. Go, make your friends' friend feel welcome, you never know, you might make a new friend yourself. Any one of us "smug marrieds" could end up single again and I for one would be very grateful to friends in relationships who didn't leave me out. Hope the posts on here make you think about this differently, am sure you weren't being intentionally cruel xx

shonaspurtle · 05/09/2009 22:24

Yabu. Nothing special about couples.

Feelingoptimistic · 05/09/2009 22:28

You are being extremely unreasonable.

In fact, I am sorry I read this, because it has made me feel rather upset and I have had a hard day, so it's the last thing I need.

I am single and most of the people I know are couples. Does this mean that I should be excluded from all social events that involve couples?

mamas12 · 05/09/2009 23:04

Me too Feeling
I know there are people who think this way but it's horrible seeing it in black and white though isn't it.

londonartemis · 05/09/2009 23:13

I think you were just caught on the hop when your original plan was changed. Just go with it - you'll probably have a good time!