Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

To think that this is a bit odd?

45 replies

mosschops30 · 03/09/2009 21:44

Me and dh are good friends with our neighbours, we do the usual, chat in the street, have bbq's at each others houses, get together for coffee etc.

So this week we were talking ahout a local restaurant that we love, and we both came to the idea that the 4 of us should go.

Today I speak with her about booking and she says 'oh you dont mind me asking so and so do you'? (her single friend), and I quickly replied 'no thats fine'

But the more I think about it, the more odd it seems! If me and dh are going out with another couple I wouldnt dream of inviting a single friend along and making it 5.

So AIBU to think this is a bit weird? Or is it totally normal?

OP posts:

picmaestress · 05/09/2009 23:34

Good Lord, this has made me feel horrible about my single self Maybe my 'own feelings', but this one was a real stinger! Try walking a mile in her shoes...think how she feels meeting up with you.

Ouch, OP. YABU.

ChookKeeper · 05/09/2009 23:37

YANBU (IMO) forgive me if I'm wrong but I think the issue here is about inviting additional guests, not having a particular downer on single people per se.

TBH I'd be a bit miffed if I'd arranged an evening out with someone else and then other people (single or couples) were invited. It's not that I don't enjoy meeting other people, it's just that the dynamics of the group would be different to what I'd originally anticipated.

Having said that - why not just go with the flow and if you don't enjoy the evening you know the make it clear next time that you are inviting them out to an event 'just for the four of you'.

Hope you enjoy your evening

TsarChasm · 05/09/2009 23:38

I don't think it's strange. Why is it odd?

Would you have minded if she'd wanted to ask another couple?

LynetteScavo · 05/09/2009 23:41

I don't think it's odd atall.

Maybe your neighbour had double booked herself.

Have you met this freind before? Maybe she's going through a really hard time atm.

beaniebgivesupontheDMarsery · 05/09/2009 23:48

At least she asked, would have been worse if she hadn't.

Corporalcornsilk · 05/09/2009 23:49

madameDefarge · 06/09/2009 00:03

YABVU.

Nothing more shocking than becoming a single parent and finding all your evening invites disappear overnight.

pretty much, its okay for our dcs to play together, but don't think for a moment you are allowed to socialise anymore with the 'normal' grown ups.

Pah. Uptight middle class england.

sushistar · 06/09/2009 00:08

yabu. Your neighbour is just a friendly person who includes people. I invite lots of people to lots of things.

waitingforfanjo · 06/09/2009 01:24

Oh for Pity's sake, I can't believe there are people here actually whining about how terrible this thread has made them feel because they are single. Like being single is THE most upsetting thing to be reminded about.

'Try walking a mile in her shoes' ROFL! She's been invited out for a nice meal with a couple of people she's met twice, she's not trying to cope with a terribly painful, incurable disease or something.

YANBU, and I think ChooKeeper summed it up. It's not about who was invited, it's about the fact that someone else was invited along after it was obviously initially going to be just the four of them. I'd be a bit miffed too. I think it's a bit rude not to ask the OP if it was ok with her before asking the friend. Just polite, IMO.

lowrib · 06/09/2009 01:51

YABVU.

BitOfFun · 06/09/2009 01:52

It's not like it's a wedding or something -lighten up! It's nice to meet new people, don't be so vanilla!

TrillianAstra · 06/09/2009 02:01

Depends how you worded it. It sounds like the sort of thing that coul dbe enjoyable with a new person, so relax. YOu might make a new friend.

curiositykilled · 06/09/2009 08:37

Do people really actually think this way?!?!

That must be why people ask if it is OK to bring single friend rather than just friend x...

Oh God, how awful.

Tortoise · 06/09/2009 08:50

YANBU

I agree with chookkeeper and waitingforfanjo.

I am a single Mum and i didn't take any offence at the OP. Surely it is only polite to ask if someone else can come before inviting them?

MamaLazarou · 06/09/2009 09:09

YA definitely BU

bubblepop · 06/09/2009 09:15

yabu

MaggieVirgo · 06/09/2009 09:16

Wow. This is unbelievable. She's a person, and she's a friend of your friend.

Five people round a table in a restaurant, friends of friends.

Like Mamas12, I also knew that of course some people see single women as only HALF of a person, but it is shocking to see it written down.

Should the single woman stay at home sobbing into her pot noodle?!?

I am single and I have children, so I am not going to have much in common with people who go out clubbing all night. I do have more in common now with married women than single women. Luckily OP's friend is more in this century.

picmaestress · 06/09/2009 10:15

'whining'. Hahahaaaa! I love being single, and it really isn't something I find remotely upsetting, fanjo. I find some women, who are in couples, can be pretty unkind to single ladies, and that attitude has clearly struck a nerve with lots of other people here.

But point taken, maybe the fact that the OP just happened to mention the extra guest was a single woman was just a terribly unfortunate coincidence, and this whole post is just asking if inviting extra guests is rude. 'I wouldnt dream of inviting a single friend along' - yep, this is definitely just about etiquette. My mistake...

Sometimes MN makes me really grateful to my kind/polite/gentle friends in RL .

MaggieVirgo · 06/09/2009 10:22

I love being single too, but it is an eye-opener when people that you know, who you DO get on with, see it as ludicrous that you might socialise together!!

If the point is that she was extra, last-minute and the OP is shy and likes the familiar dynamics of what she knows, then that is different.

piscesmoon · 06/09/2009 10:24

I don't see anything odd-the more the merrier!

Flip

1 2