it really irritates me when people say their baby is flirting

[koolaid]

at adult members of the opposite sex.

As in "oh DS was flirting with all the health visitors at the doctors today"

When all the baby did was smile/gurgle at someone who was showing them a lot of attention, in the way that babies do.

And always said about their DS, no-one who say the same thing about their baby girl.

It just really irks me. AIBU?

sexy?!!! i would recoil in horror if anyone reffered to my dc's in such a vile way! have never heard it in association with children, and hope i never do...or i may have to say "oh,my child is sexy to you? well,you're a frigging weirdo then, get back!!!"

watch out, motherbeyond, you'll have SM on your tail. weirdo is on her list of Banned Words.

like soupy, i do think that the or is pretty important with regards to the def of flirt.

oh, and how did ds get on at school, glasjam? i saw the photos from the leavers dinner, he's GROWN!.

OK.

My DD is 2 and very friendly smiley little girl (and v prettty, obviously ).

Say she was interacting with a man, maybe in the supermarket, smiling and being all chatty and lovely, in her usual manner. And someone observing this, say another man, said "blimey she's a terrible flirt, isn't she" I would be really shocked. That would seem really wrong to me.

It is just not an appropriate word to use to describe normal friendly baby/child behaviour. End of.

OK.

stop saying 'end of'. it's really ill-mannered. and OK isn't too polite either...

personally i wouldn't use the term about a 2-year-old, it's a pre-verbal thing imo. like i say, dd1 could horse whisper people into complete submission from twelve feet away before she could utter a word, it was a complete body language thing.

Really - who cares what some random person says in passing. It is not that weird to say that a baby is "flirting". It is usually only ever said in jest. It wouldn't bother me if someone said ds was a flirt.

Screw the dictionary. In Oz we refer to people with bright gingery hair as Blue. Words flow and change.

When I think of "Flirting" in the context of babies I think. Giggling, eye contact, tilted head, eyelashes up and down, looking away and then looking back to check the person is still watching etc.

When I think of sexual flirting, I think of eye contact, lots of fluttery touching, lots of innuendo, physical proximity and a slight giddiness.

When I think of "get what I want" flirting, I think of eye contact, compliments, and lots of smiles, a laughing tone.

When I think of flirting with danger type flirting, I think of getting close to doing something stupid without really thinking your way through all the consequences.

Have heard the same word used in all of the above situations and known instantly what is meant when it is used. It isn't that difficult to guess from the context what is meant, even if the same word is used.

Hah, I just said "Screw" the dictionary, does that mean I want to have sex with it? Or turn it around and around? Or is it one of those words that changes meaning within context?

TheEgoHasLanded, just because you have a poor grasp of the english language and put sexual connotations where none are meant doesn't make your opinion right. "Flirt" doe not have to have sexual connotations and if you can't see that, used in context, that is your problem. If you want to see people as insinuating sexual behaviour when that is not what was said, go ahead. That says more about you than it does about people using the term correctly and appropriately in its non-sexual context.

End of discussion [snigger]. god, how arrogant it is to state "I am RIGHT and you can just accept it now." Grow up! "end of" indeed. Snort!

Oh dear thumbwitch, am I being lumped in with the insaner element then for disagreeing with you?

StripeySuit, I'm with you on this probably because I no longer technically have a baby as she's hit the 2 year mark - so I won't actually have to be made personally uncomfortable by anyone using the term in relation to my own child.

Aitch, the boys doing good. It was lovely at the reunion - all the staff seemed genuinely delighted to see their leavers - lots of un-PC cuddles being dished out!

depends how insane you were being in disagreement, glasjam! it's the vehement "I am RIGHT and you are a WEIRDO for disagreeing with ME, END OF" element I was really meaning.

Horses can flirt their tails, ladies can flirt their fans - and I found this description quite good, pretty much what Aitch does on a daily, if not hourly basis (if she is to be believed ):
Public Flirting
We all flirt in one way or another from time to time. There are many situations where you probably don't even realize you're flirting. You banter with the woman at the pharmacy or joke with the man at the dry cleaner. The guy at the deli counter smiles and addresses you by name every time he sees you. These are the kinds of interactions humans are designed to enjoy and respond to. Public flirtation is innocent, makes us feel good (it is, after all, a form of flattery), and keeps us in touch with other people.

this is the sort of "flirting" babies do, I believe (note the term "innocent").
It is a multi-level usage word, unlike "sexy", which really isn't.

Why is it OK to use it for a baby but not a 2 year old though? If it just means being friendly? What is that cut-off for?

Plus do any of the flirts on here flirt with eg young children or elderly ladies?

I flirt sometimes but it is fairly exclusively with men (and usually they have started it) in a friendly sort of a way - I don;t go around simpering at grannies as a rule.

Why is it that the flirting normally coincides with teh sexual preference of teh person doing the flirting?

I flirt with everyone (male/female/young/old).

As I said upthread though, I believe there are different kinds of flirting.

What is the cut-off at 2yo all about though?

Surely it's either OK, or it isn't?

I really would be very upset if my 2yo was described as a terrible flirt for doing what comes naturally to children to do.

I dunno, I didn't say anything about 2 year olds.

It has been given as an age over which it would not be right by some people. Also that to be flirting it has to be with someone of the opposite sex (as per teh OP).

But surely if it is harmless, it is fine to describe a 1yo, 3 yo, 6yo or 11 yo as flirting when smiling at someone of the opposite sex.

It just doesn;t feel right to me at all.

I mean if someone at work is described as a flirt, I don;t think "oh that means they're nice and friendly", it means something subtly different.

As my DS isn't yet 2, I can't tell whether or not I will still say he is flirting past the age of 2, which seems rather an artificial cut off anyway.
And no, I don't really think the same rule applies to very small children who are doing it to make friends/get something they want, and to older children, where it could be more easily misinterpreted.

And yes, I suppose I flirt with almost anyone in the terms of Public Flirting - old men, old ladies, younger men, younger ladies, babies in shopping queues, small children on trains. Perhaps less so with my female contemporaries - because there are other ways of connecting with them; and quite a lot less with my male contemporaries in case they misread my twinkly, bantery friendliness.
My Dad does too.

Oh I see, no I don't have a cutoff for friendly flirting. I would think the sexual type doesn't happen until puberty though.

Nothing at all wrong with learning about the levers people have and how to pull them to make them like you etc.

I go around smiling at people, am happy to have a smiley chat, engage in banter, laugh a lot, with anyone who crosses my path really. All my baby photos show me smiling and apparently I cooed at anyone who came near, I haven't changed much .

That's not flirting though, it's just being friendly, looking approachable.

Flirting is different.

no, it's not necessarily. You are just choosing to limit your definition of flirting to the sexual one and ignoring its wider connotations. That is your choice but it doesn't make it an ubiquitous fact.

To me, there isn't really a line between friendly banter and friendly flirting. I don't consider the word flirting automatically imply a sexual intent. Because I have heard it used in so many different ways.

I think that is what this thread really comes down to. Some people think it always implies a sexual overtone and some people think it changes depending on who is doing it.

I suppose technically i.e. dictionary definition wise the sexual content people are correct, but language doesn't really work like that.

Thing is, many people think people are "flirting" when they are just being friendly. Men are notorious for mis-interpreting these types of interactions and then acting based on their interpretation, usually to the horror of the recipient.

To me, if a woman says "he was flirting with me" there are sexual overtones.

I have always hated the fact that I have found out that my natural smiley friendly demeanour has been grossly misinterpreted by some people. And of course the way you find out can be less than pleasant.

A grown man saying of a small child "she is flirting with me " is just grim.

IMO.

Depends on that man's interpretation of flirting.

If he thinks of flirting in the way you do, then yes it is grim.

If he is thinking of the word in the way I do, then it is not.