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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my friend could have invited us for lunch?

28 replies

lisbey · 30/08/2009 20:05

Tomorrow morning we're all doing a charity walk. A friend and her family are going too. She phoned this afternoon to ask if we had plans for afterwards.

I said no and she suggested that we go to her house so we can see the new decking (I had previously asked to do this as we're considering similar) then she added "after lunch"

So we'll all be together in the morning, then go to our separate homes for lunch then meet up at hers for the afternoon. I'm not suggesting she should cook, but a few sandwiches or a bbq? Just though it would make a day of it. They've been to ours for lunch many times and we've never been fed there, although to be fair they do have a small house and garden, which does seem overly crowded once 4 adults, 4 boys and the dog are in.

Anyway, I suggested we take a picnic to have in the park after the walk and then go straight to hers, which is what we're going to do, so will be a lovely day. I just though it was a bit odd? Do you?

OP posts:
rimmer08 · 30/08/2009 20:07

not really, some people are very conscious of having a small house and maybe with 4 children its not as tidy as it could be ?

Paolosgirl · 30/08/2009 20:08

Is money tight? It could be that she's broke atm, and feeding 4 adults and 4 children (and lets face it, you can't just offer a round of sandwiches can you!) is perhaps out of the question right now? Just a thought..

morningpaper · 30/08/2009 20:09

It is odd but some people go into BLIND TERROR at the thought of entertaining others for food - I would have suggested a picnic on the decking though to save extra walking

MaDuggar · 30/08/2009 20:10

I love having visitors, but hate cooking/preparing food for a crowd!

MojoLost · 30/08/2009 20:13

It is odd that they have never reciprocated a lunch invation. If we get an invitation, I will def invite back at some point, it's just polite isn't it?
So either:
1- They are a little rude
2- They really are dead scared of inviting people for lunch.

mrshouse · 30/08/2009 20:23

I am a blind terror person I'm afraid. Horrific - will do anything to avoid cooking for people. Am very generous guest and very open about my inadequacies though.

DesperateHousewifeToo · 30/08/2009 20:33

I always feel very inadequate with certain people about inviting them over.

Dh is not a 'mein host' type chap, so he only feels comfortable with close friends.

We can't really afford it.

Don't have a lot of space.

I'm embarrassed about the state of our house - in terms of tidyness, cluttered-ness, and state of decor.

Don't take it personally.

Original poster
lisbey · 30/08/2009 20:49

LOL MP - the walk is in the park!

Money is tight and their house is untidy, but (I really hope) she wouldn't worry about that with me. Ours is no tidier.

They've always come to us because we are fortunate enough to have more space and a larger garden. We usually do (a cheap) bbq or something like pizza and they will bring drinks and desert, so I'm not at all offended about taking more than our fair share of the cost etc. She is very generous with her time and often gives me lifts, so she in no way owes me financially. She has no need at all to feel threatened by my culinary abilities either

OP posts:
hocuspontas · 30/08/2009 20:59

It's not something I'm comfortable doing. I love seeing people but I'm not a natural host and will fret. A 'casual' meal with friends would take a lot of planning and work. Not least chipping the filth of the downstairs loo - that would take a day or two

jasper · 30/08/2009 21:09

Is the dog yours or your friend's?

Original poster
lisbey · 30/08/2009 21:12

Dog is theirs

OP posts:
mazzystartled · 30/08/2009 21:15

yabu!

perhaps she's just thinking her morning will be busy enough as it is without trying to knock up lunch as well

perhaps she can't bear the thought of cooking for another family and clearing it all up again ( i know I frequently can't)

jasper · 30/08/2009 21:18

In that case YANBU

hambler · 30/08/2009 22:29

lisbey I would feel the same as you

jellybeans · 30/08/2009 22:59

YABU
I don't do cooking for people (well, rarely for family). My reasons are...lack of space, panic/stress and already having 5 DC. My house is usually chaos.

I have a friend who insisted on 'doing lunch' and invited herself to mine, I hated it. I much prefer just meeting for a brew/play. It's too stressful.

Heated · 30/08/2009 23:04

YABU. I like a lot of notice to hide the mess.

Blondeshavemorefun · 31/08/2009 13:33

does seem a bit weird,but the reasons stated make sense

i hate entertaining/cooking but more than happy to pay towards food if at someones elses house

EyeballsintheSky · 31/08/2009 13:41

Don't take it personally. I'm a terrified of having to feed people, or even having them in the house tbh. I wish I wasn't like that, but I am. And I always think I'll change and I don't. She probably feels worse than you about it so don't be hard on her. If she's like me she'll be kicking herself for days at being so spineless.

piscesmoon · 31/08/2009 13:45

I wouldn't be too hard on her-I am very laid back with that type of invitation, as in muck in and take pot luck-some people can't do that and it is a big deal to them.

JemL · 31/08/2009 19:11

YABU - I think it is probably a circumstance thing.

I hate the fact that we hardly ever return hospitality because we are in a small flat, whilst a lot of our friends are in houses with gardens - I love my home, but it is a bit hard to have a big BBQ on a balcony on a main road!

I normally overcompensate by always bringing things, eg extra wine and stuff!

PavlovtheForgetfulCat · 31/08/2009 19:15

YABU! its up to her whether she invites you around for lunch, her house, her food, her choice. She does not even need a reason, like messy house, small house, no money, not enough time whatever. She just does not have to end of story!

Some people are so expecting of others. 'oh i do it, so why don't they?' er...because they are not you!

GirlsAreLoud · 31/08/2009 19:18

I go out of my way to avoid this sort of thing too.

I can't cook, I come out in a cold sweat at the idea of even providing the correct lazy ready meal.

PavlovtheForgetfulCat · 31/08/2009 19:21

I just don't get why the poor bloody woman needs a reason not to invite the OP

nickschick · 31/08/2009 19:21

I have several friends locally 1 is so domestic godessy that even a cup of tea means cake and biscuits and if you are anywhere near her door at meal time then you go in and have to eat .....another friend is always happy to make a cup of tea yet never invites anyone for food -its just not her thing!.

At ours I feed whoever is there........ sometimes its a sandwich with crisp and salad other times it could be a roast dinner or curry yet there are friends who im quite happy to split my dinner with and others who are so 'domestic godessy' i feel i have to put on a show ....so whilst I may and often do share a chicken fajita with one, with the other id feel obliged to rustle up salad and potato wedgies.

Mamazon · 31/08/2009 19:39

the thought of having people round for food terrifes me.
even more so since joining MN and realising how fussy some people are about what types of food are appropriate.

i would do anything i could to enusre people don't expect to be fed by me....unless i know them very well