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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed that my mum always calls my son by a pet name...?

60 replies

Tigerlily1 · 30/08/2009 15:45

It is getting really irritating but I just wonder if anyone else would be so annoyed by it or is it just me.
My mum is rather obsessed with my ds and she is great with him and he loves her. The thing is she has a nickname for him and she only ever really calls him by that and she says it all the time, much more than you would really ever say a name. It's constant and I have told her and a friend of hers has also told her that it's too much. she did try to tone it down a while ago but its crept back up as i have stopped saying things but i feel it is just ludicrous that she says it so much and actually refers to him in conversations with other people, including me, as this name instead of his real name. She phones up and asks for him on the phone by this nickname and it is making my skin crawl now. oh, and when he's being slightly naughty she tries to get him to stop by using this name and is then surprised when it doesn't work.
I just feel she has a total disregard for what I say as she has been told to tone it down.
does anyone elses mother have the ability to annoy them this much or aibu???

OP posts:
2shoes · 30/08/2009 15:48

yabu

Original poster
Tigerlily1 · 30/08/2009 15:51

why though???

OP posts:
LuluMaman · 30/08/2009 15:53

is this her first grandchild?

regardless, she is clearly head over heels and excited by having a grandson who she adores

i'm sure over time it will wane

focus on the positives, that she adores him, loves him, enjoys him and talks about him

unless there is other stuff going on , then i think YABU and need to cut a loving grandmother some slack

Original poster
Tigerlily1 · 30/08/2009 16:01

he was her first and she now has another that lives 200miles away but i am pregnant with no.2 and my ds is 2.6yrs. I don't think it's going to wane, in fact it has got worse. There are slight other issues with the fact that she is rubbish with timekeeping and routines and stuff and that she doesn't seem to have a volume/contrast control - she's on at full pelt, like him, and she tires herself out with him and doesn't really act like the adult, just joins in shreiking and running about like him. I'm obviously glad that they have such a close relationship but i do also have trust issues with her that stem from my own upbringing but i won'r go into that. That could probably be what is making me irritated if nobody else can see it.

OP posts:
SlartyBartFast · 30/08/2009 16:04

i think generlaly people agree if you had said you didnt like the name she uses, i.e a shortened version, however it is a different name altogether. is munchkin or something?
it must be annoying.

TrillianAstra · 30/08/2009 16:07

YANBU to be annoyed if she is being annoying (and it sounds like she is being very annoying) but if it's not doing any harm there's not a lot you can do.

purepurple · 30/08/2009 16:07

I think it's sweet.
YABU
DH used to call DD 'AliBongo from BingoLand'
Daft but funny.
DS was 'Jam Pud'
Let it go.

nickschick · 30/08/2009 16:10

I think YABU its no odds what she calls him,she knows his name he knows his name if she thinks this gives her a closer bond and can help any behavior -so what ?? who is it harming??

Shes enjoying him,he likes her and if she plays hands on then who is it hurting?

If you have 'issues' from the past with her that make you feel like this then bcos I dont know what they are I am only commenting on the situation you describe.

In fact in a nutshell I think I know whats bothering you? .....your pregnant,your ds will soon not be your only dc and you perhaps feel a bit worried about the changing family dynamics.

Take a breath and let it go.

kitkatqueen · 30/08/2009 16:22

yanbu, my mum has called everyone of my unborn babies fred during each of my pregnancies, including the girls. Even when we had given the bump a name.

When its constant and excessive it almost seems like a way of being possesive over my children, by giving them a name when thats my job? I don't know. I only know I find it highly irritating. Ask your dc if he likes being called a different name by Nanny, if he says no then tell him to tell Nanny that next time she visits.

Original poster
Tigerlily1 · 30/08/2009 16:31

thanks kitkatqueen, i think that you might be onto something there with the posessive thing because i do feel in some way she thinks he is hers. i have said that to her, a long time ago and she said that he is kind of hers because he's mine and i'm hers...if you get that, but i don't agree.
i wouldn't mind if she called it him occasionally. we call him different things occasionally as a term of endearment but i don't keep constantly saying those names.
for example when she's round here its all you can hear being shrieked, playing with him, 'oh....., no......, don't do that.....come here....., its way more than you need to say a name.
obviously he knows his name but i just think, we gave him a really good name, why not use it once in a while?!
i just can't stand it when she rings up and says 'how's......?' instead of his name and then 'oh, can i have a word with .....?'. Especially since i have told her to just try and vary it a little. She is very unselfaware at the best of times and i just feel she is purposely calling him that to exert some sort of hold over him and she also says things like 'my baby' and my precious boy to him. but he is not hers is he?! Msybe i'm horrible and should be glad my mum loves my child. I fear that is what some people will say next!!

OP posts:
SlartyBartFast · 30/08/2009 16:33

no, i am sure most people would appreciate your point of view. op.

SlartyBartFast · 30/08/2009 16:34

its just some people see the AIBU and are argumentative for the sake of it

PrincessToadstool · 30/08/2009 16:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Yurtgirl123 · 30/08/2009 16:40

I think yabu if she did it occasionally but yanbu if she does it all the time and seemingly wants him to ditch his real name (must be confusing for him)

Id tell her outright if it were me
Give her a once a day rule maybe

Original poster
Tigerlily1 · 30/08/2009 16:43

I don't want to say in case someone i know or knows her, or my mum goes on here! it is a baby farmyard animal. From that you can probably guess! cute the first couple of times but not as a constant substitute for a name!

OP posts:
Original poster
Tigerlily1 · 30/08/2009 16:52

its like she has a thing about having to have alternative names for people. she did it with me and my brother and called us ludicrous made up names, well embarrassing when you get a bit older. she doesn't see the harm in it but then she doesn't see the harm in anything she wants to do and if she thinks something's ok then it is.
the fact i have asked her to tone it down a few times and it has now reached epidemic proportions again is key to my problem - she has no regard for what i want re my son. if she wants to call him that then she will and its my uptightness at fault if its a prob, that's how it seems. but she'll shout it in shops or supermarket or the park, wherever you are, she'll shout that name to him. At the mo he doesn't care but when he's 4 he'll start getting embarrassed by it, i know i did with the stupid names she called me.

OP posts:
carelesswhispers · 30/08/2009 16:58

she's not calling him piglet is she

PrincessToadstool · 30/08/2009 16:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Oxymoronic · 30/08/2009 17:01

Apart from the name thing, my Dad is a bit like this with my DD. They're like a couple of kids together, and she's 8 now and goes on her own to stay with him and he has hardly any boundaries for her at all and generally lets her do what she likes!

This did bother us a bit to start with, because she wasn't taking her asthma inhalers etc, but we just thought that DD has such a special and different relationship with him than she has with us that it's a good way of her starting to take responsibility for herself.

I can imagine that once it's in your head that you're not keen on the name that every time you hear it it'd really grate on you! But it sounds to me like your Mum uses the name to denote the special relationship she has with your DS, but I can understand that as it kind of excludes you that'd hurt. I would leave them to it and put your feet up while they bomb about like mad things, at least your DS will sleep well when she's gone

pigletmania · 30/08/2009 17:01

Chill, yubu, as long as its not degrading or rude. The poor woman loves her gandson she probably finds it difficult to contain herself. Bless her, instead of worrying about this petty thing enjoy the bond that they have. When he is older he can tell her if he does not like the nickname.

nickschick · 30/08/2009 17:02

piglet?? i was thinking chicky

Horton · 30/08/2009 17:03

Or chick?

Either way, YANBU. It's perfectly fine for a two year old but really embarrassing for an older child. And piglet has all kinds of negative connotations to do with eating and chick sounds like a girl to me. Even if you can't get her to tone it down, rest assured that in a couple of years, your son will do it for you!

carelesswhispers · 30/08/2009 17:06

im guessing its "chicken" as piglet would be very odd ...

Original poster
Tigerlily1 · 30/08/2009 17:11

it is piglet, so i guess the cat is out of the bag now! i find it sooooooo irritating and i have said so, and so has a friend of hers on numerous occasions. she seems to like the fact that people don't like it and in some way that makes her a kook or something...i don't know...but it's ANNOYING!!

OP posts:
purepurple · 30/08/2009 17:11

I bet it's lambikins

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