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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to be the local drop in

46 replies

Kaza1 · 27/08/2009 12:06

Hi don't know if I'm BU don't think I am. Anway I've got three DDs 4.5 (jst started school), 3 and 10 months. My two older want to play outside round the back all the time which I'm all for as long as the weather is ok and they don't go out the gate (which they don't tend to do)

Anyway there's these two little girls 5 and 4 who keep coming round (which Im really don't mind) but there mothers never approach me to make sure this is ok and never return the favour. They are allowed to basically do want they want and it's a case of out of sight. The other night I went balistic because my 3 year old had done a pee on the grass round the back (I know minging) I obviusly brought her in and told her that it was totally unacceptable. I have since learned the reason she done it was becuase the 5year other girl done it and told her it was ok to do it.

I spoke to the OC the day after the incident and told her never to do it again and if she needed to go to the toilet then she could use ours. Do you know what she and the OC did they went and pee'd outside my gate I was livid and seriously rthought about banning them but feel this is a bit much as they're only young.

Last night my DDs had money out with them that I didn't know about and the two OC took it off them and went to the shops round the corner and bought sweets and proceeded to eat them and gave my DDs one each!!!! To say I'm angry is an understatement. I have spoken to them and told them they shouldn't have done that.

I reaaly am at a loss to what to do. I've thought about approaching their mothers but not sure how they'll react and don't want to cause a war!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Kaza1 · 27/08/2009 12:08

OOOH that's a long post sorry

OP posts:
Mybox · 27/08/2009 12:09

yanbu - I'd talk to the other mums as they sound like they don't know what's happening.

Fruitysunshine · 27/08/2009 12:12

YANBU - I would limit the amount of time my kids play with OC and make sure I speak to their mum in a non-confrontational way about "things".

foxytocin · 27/08/2009 12:14

sounds like you and other mother have v different parenting styles and they are irreconcilable. i would try ways to keep those kids away from mine. start off by only having them round if you can supervise them - which they will find boring/irritating as they are used to being unsupervised. this all sounds harsh but you are not running a free childminding service and you have enough on your plate as it is.

Flyonthewindscreen · 27/08/2009 12:15

TBH I think your DDs are too young to be playing out unsupervised. But no YANBU to be annoyed at these girls' behaviour and if you have already spoken to the OC without success, not sure there is much you can do other than not letting your DD play with them. I personally would not speak to their mothers as probably it would cause fireworks!

Flyonthewindscreen · 27/08/2009 12:17

Sorry just reread your post and realise you mean your DD are playing in their own garden and not "out" so please forget my "unsupervised" comment

foxytocin · 27/08/2009 12:19

by 'you supervise them', i mean physically present say in the garden, for example rather than them in the garden, you in the kitchen, iykwim.

BrigitBigKnickers · 27/08/2009 12:21

I would put a bolt on the gate so your children can not get out and the other children can not get in.

Not sure I would want my Dcs playing with kids who would pee at my gate and steal money for sweets.

MaryBS · 27/08/2009 12:23

DD had a girl who kept coming round. I wouldn't let her in unless her mother agreed it with me, and the mother never got in touch with me, so she never came in. I didn't know the mother concerned and for child protection reasons as much as anything, I wasn't prepared to let a child come in, even though it was all innocent. Thankfully the family moved away.

MadreInglese · 27/08/2009 12:26

Girls who pee in retaliation (!!?!!) and nick money? I would not want my children playing with kids like that.

Get a bolt on your gate.

KIMItheThreadSlayer · 27/08/2009 12:27

Put a lock on your gate and if the kids ask to come in and play tell them NO.

njmomof1 · 27/08/2009 12:29

YANBU I wouldn't let them play with my DD's. They have obviously been raised using very different parenting styles to your own children.

To be honest, the weeing on the grass thing I could have let slide but the fact they then responded by weeing outside your gate and then to Bully your children in their own garden, well I wouldn't care to much about the fireworks!!!!!

Speak to their mothers and tell them the children are not welcome at your house anymore. IF (Very Big If) we've all misjudged the mother/s they will ask why? If not you'll probably be called stuck up and have the door shut in your face.

OtterInaSkoda · 27/08/2009 12:41

Second the bolt idea, if practical that is.

If they wee on or near your gate again, have a word with their mothers. Something like "I spotted Constanza weeing outside our gate earlier - I didn't want to say anything myself but thought you might want to know". Keep it non-judgmental, non-confrontational.

The money thing is a tricky one. They are still so young and even some of the sweetest, brightest 4 and 5 yos seem to steal sometimes even if you think they know it's wrong, iyswim (and for those who say thew know their dc has never taken anything that isn't theirs, chances are you've just never found out).

Having said that taking money and trotting off to the shop is pretty bad. I'd write that one off for now, and hope it never happens again (thanks to bolting the gate), at least until you've established how scary their mothers are...

OtterInaSkoda · 27/08/2009 12:44

YANBU btw

Original poster
Kaza1 · 27/08/2009 12:58

Thanks kind of what I thought.

I've not approached the mothers cause our parenting styles are very different. I always know were my kids are but I've had the 5 year olds mother knocking my door at 10pm to ask if I know where her DD is . They're out playing some nights at 10.30pm I thought maybe I was getting old but glad you all agree.

I just didn't want to be nasty to the OC as when it comes down to it they are young and they've not been taught any differently.

OP posts:
OtterInaSkoda · 27/08/2009 13:22

10.30 pm?

Now I take a free range approach but that's ridiculous. Are there lots of other dc near you? I'm wondering if these two have worked their way around all the houses and yours is the last place they've not been banned from. I'd hazard a guess anyway and say that there will be other parents in your street who've had experience of them - what do they say?

You're right not to be nasty to the oc. I know a dc near us who a couple of years ago was basically fed throughout the holidays by other parents, while his mother languished on her scuzzy sofa and chatted to her mates. My dc refuses to play with him now because this oc is bloody horrible to him but it's just so sad. It isn't this kid's fault after all.

OtterInaSkoda · 27/08/2009 13:23

BTW I don't think we're talking about different parenting styles here. These girls are not being parented at all from the sounds of it...

Original poster
Kaza1 · 27/08/2009 13:34

Otter totally know what you mean. Somedays they're round her all day without a drink or anything to eat (apart from rubbish sweets giant gob stoppers and such) and I tend to feed and water them but then I get really hacked off and think that I'm not going to do it anymore.

My two and the other 2 are the only DC on the street at the moment but neighbours have commented on the fact that they're at ours all day without so much as their mothers nipping in to make sure they're ok.

TBH my two hero worship them at the moment and I'm hoping they'll grow out of it sooner rather than later and realise that they're not nice little girls

OP posts:
Original poster
Kaza1 · 27/08/2009 13:40

BTW one neighbour commented on the time they were out playing to at night on the street and said that it would be 'a peados dream' as they're left raoming about unwatched for hours at a time and late at night.

OP posts:
monkeypinkmonkey · 27/08/2009 14:05

Im sorry but it sounds like you and your dc are being taken for a ride.
I would def stop dc seeing them bolt gate etc, they will soon get over not playing with them.
I wouldn't bother talking to mother as you would prob get nowhere with her.
If you do continue to allow your children to play with them eveytime its lunch dinner etc send them home.

Morloth · 27/08/2009 14:05

Lock the gate and don't let them into your house unless you are on hand (and want to) supervise the play.

RealityIsNOTDetoxing · 27/08/2009 14:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

OtterInaSkoda · 27/08/2009 14:53

I think someone needs to call social services. But I can empathise with the OP if she feels apprehensive about it.

oneopinionatedmother · 27/08/2009 14:54

YANBU

colditz · 27/08/2009 14:57

I had this.I later found out they weren't being fed at home. I sincerely regret, and am ashamed of,not calling the social services. Eventually a social worker did get involved, the mother pulled herself together and the family is now flourishing. Some people need a kick up the arse.