to consider moving to a town (Saffron Walden) so that my DCs can be state educated (good schools)?

[thedolly]

ATM we live in a semi rural area and the DCs are at a Prep School. We are very happy with the school but the money to pay for it will run out eventually and I will end up working to pay for school fees.

Should we just stay put (in our very nice house) and brave the local state schools or move to a place where house prices are very expensive but the schools have a good reputation?

diddl - it's all about work/life balance. Maybe I could afford but would it be worth it? I don't mean in terms of the grades the kids get at school - I'm sure they'll do fine wherever they are.

Gosh. Having read your last post, dolly, I think you are seriously trying to control way too much here.

You are assuming
a) a job will come up in your dc's school, in your subject area
b) that you will be appointed to the job. (Remember, you'll be up against people currently teaching, whereas you have been out of the loop)
c) that even if you were to secure the job, you will enjoy it enough to want to stay there the whole time your kids are going through the school to benefit from the fee reduction.

Wow. I wouldn't like to base my career on such things.

I really recommend lightening up about it and seriously considering a move to where you can get the education you want for free. Then if you are fortunate in getting a job when you want one, you'll be able to spend the money on what you choose, rather than feeling obliged to use it to pay for school fees due to the lack of choice in your area

"Does anyone empathise with my situation or do you all just think I'm being stupid/snobby/neurotic ?"

Sorry but I can't empathise with you at all and yes you are being very snobby.

"My children are 'subjected' to sitting next to people that they wouldn't choose as friends and they have met an array of people exhibiting a raft of different characters/characteristics". I sat next to hundreds of children at high school that I wouldnt have chosen as friends but never thought about it and it certainly was a problem or beneath me.

Did the costs of three children in private school not get considered when deciding to have three children given that state doesnt appear to be to your liking?

Can't see whats wrong with working to pay the fees, many have to work simply to pay the mortgage never mind luxuries. Appears you want the nice private education route without having to help with the fees.

violethill - that is the conclusion that I may be coming to .

Would you do the move even if it meant downsizing and moving from a semi rural idyll?

The house we live in atm is perfect for us (it ought to be, we designed and built half of it ourselves).

Oh, and we live 2 miles away from one of the prettiest villages in England, a few miles from a lovely town and not that far from some great cities .

God yes.

Your children are currently 8, 6 and 2 or around that age, judging by your posts.

They won't appreciate your semi-rural idyll in a few years time! They are far more likely to want a bit of urban!!

I agree about the bit of urban.

When would be the best time to do the move, now? Next year? All assuming I can actually get over my irrational fear of sending them to the local state schools .

I have even thought about HE - how sad am I?

Sorry, went missing for a while there!

"Pikelit - it's good to know that I am not alone smile. What do you mean when you say you have been there?"

I was privately educated with the exception of 4 and a half terms at a state secondary school. I was amazed at the facilities available at my state school in comparison to the "good" education that had been paid for up to then. No amount of nice napkin rings in the dining room made up for the lack of a proper gym/science lab or technology classroom.

Also, while we did have smaller classes - and there's simply no denying the fact that the independent sector can deliver this - if there are fewer educational opportunities available, pupil teacher ratio becomes meaningless. It mattering little if there are only 12 of you unable to do chemistry at A Level! Or indeed any examination since independent schools are often extremely choosy about who they allow to sit GCSEs and A Levels.

If you send your children to an independent school then it is to be hoped that you have the lifestyle necessary to support it. Only your children will need your house/car/dogs/horses to stand up to very close examination from their peers. Who will, of course, have been trained to take very careful note lest there are signs that you mightn't be PLU.

None of these things might matter. But I do know that for all the thousands of pounds spent on my education, the really useful and effective part of it came free!

I think if you don't have a realistic scenario in mind for how you are going to pay for all your children to go to an independent school for the whole of their schooling, then you'd be better off sending them to a state school now and seeing what happens. Assuming you are spending savings, you would be in a better position keeping the money and then considering using it to pay for an independent school if one or more of your children need it.

Your children will have picked up "aspiration" at home, or else they never will - they won't catch "lack of aspiration" from mixing with the wrong kind of children at school.

PS. I'd just add that if you can't really afford to go private then you shouldn't be considering it. Fees are just the start!

Oh, and please don't decide to HE your children because you are too snobby and over-protective to even try the local state schools. Us HErs get a bad enough press as it is, without being tarred by that particular brush.

HappyMummyOfOne - I think you have misunderstood me, the 'sitting next to people you don't like' is as it should be and happens whether you go to state or private.

I don't think that people who lack aspirations are 'beneath me'. I just think that they lack aspiration and that that is not what I want for my children. I want them to aspire to great things and to know that the world is their oyster.

To be honest your children are young enough to be pretty adaptable so I don't think it matters.

I do sympathise with you, actually, and I admire your honesty - you are very clear about what you are paying for, and aren't making any ridiculous assumptions that teaching is better in private schools or anything. It's very hard when you want to do the right thing by your children, and you really don't know what that is.

All I would say is (from the vantage point of having older children): Don't try to map everything out, because they will become more independent and form their own opinions anyway. Who is to say where they would want to go for secondary school, or later on, 6th form, even if you did keep them at the prep for now? It's easy when they are little - you make all those decisions for them. They will develop their own opinions soon. Also, rural life can seem idyllic when your children are little, but can be very isolating when they are teenagers. You could always move back to rural when they're off your hands, but I think a large town or a city are far easier for older kids generally. Just lots more scope for friendships, getting out and about etc. Also better career prospects for you too.

I am a bit confused as to why you´ve started private education without knowing that all three can be in it until they leave.
As for is it worth it-well if you feel it is the best for your children, then of course it is!
We moved abroad for ours!

Pikelit - I know that many state schools have great facilities and I know that there are many great teachers in the state sector - I have an irrational fear that my children will 'catch' lack of aspiration.

AMumInScotland - how do you know they won't 'catch' it? .

you are worried that your children will "catch" lack of aspiration from attending a state school?

God how eye-wateringly obnoxious

You sound as though the children at the state school might not be, for want of a better way of putting it, good enough.
But TBH, if funding private education may be a struggle, you might be setting your children up to be the ones who aren´t "good enough" to be there.

maybe they will "catch" a sense of perspective and an ability to coexist with other human beings without feeling paranoid?

But you say yourself that it's an irrational fear! Doesn't that answer your question!

Look, we all worry about our children. We all want the best for them. We all do what we can to encourage aspiration. (Incidentally, slightly off topic, and I certainly don't want to spark a controversial debate, but did you realise one of the most effective motivators for children is having parents with successful careers? So you could do a lot worse than getting back to work yourself!!)

However, it is way too simplistic to think that by paying for a private school, you are going to create aspiration in your children,and that if you don't, they are seriously at risk of being unhappy/unsuccessful.

Like I said a couple of pages back, if their future happiness and success depends totally on you paying for their schooling, then isn't that actually setting them up to feel fundamentally quite lacking in self belief and self worth? It's such an arbitrary thing, whether you can afford to pay or not, really. If everything is hanging on that, are they ever going to believe they can achieve irrespective of money?

Seriously? Lack of aspiration comes in most cases from looking round at your family, neighbours and surroundings and being convinced that there is really no point in bothering because nothing ever gets better even if you try.

In some cases it comes from growing up in luxurious but emotionally-stunted environments where it equally doesn't seem worth putting any effort into your life.

Neither of those will "infect" those lucky enough not to spend their lives in those environments.

One of the private schools near us (where I would like my DD to go at 11) have, over the last few months had :

A Poet Laureate (Andrew Motion), and Wendy Cope (who I love),

an international soperano,

an internationally renowned author,

a west end star

an OBE sportswoman

to visit and run workshops as part of the curriculum.

This is in part where the inspiration comes from.

You think good state schools don't have those sort of role models coming to visit too?

..... I think this is where the disadvantage of your own narrow experience shows itself.

My dc's state school has an internationally renowned author among its parents, never mind just visiting!

And the kind of workshops you describe are absolutely the norm at many schools.

You've clearly made your mind up that independent is better. So - get a job so that they can carry on there, and stop pretending you actually want to send them to state schools.

violethill I am aware of the motivation factors of which you speak but I am also aware of the benefits for my children of having a SAHM.

Although I am not working I am trying to keep up professionally but who knows, I may regret the whole SAHM thing one day .

Greensleeves - I'm sorry if I am coming across as obnoxious. Do you mean that I am paranoid? What sense of perspective do you mean - I think my kids are well rounded but I could be wrong.

Also, if you've only looked at the state school from the outside how on earth would you know what events/workshops/visitors they've had?

You're trying to make a comparison without knowing any of the facts!

You also have to remember that private schools are notoriously good at self promotion. It;s something all schools have to do these days, marketing, and state schools are getting better at it, but you do need to take things with a pinch of salt. Some of the glossy brochures I've seen bear very little relationship to the reality.

Let's dwell on aspirations for a moment...

...because despite paying huge sums on private schooling, I am intrigued to see just how few of my class mates aspired to being more than the wives of properous blokes. They have no qualifications and now that their children are off their hands, have feckall to do with their time. At best they run those ridiculous non-businesses so beloved in my nearest town.