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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to consider moving to a town (Saffron Walden) so that my DCs can be state educated (good schools)?

175 replies

thedolly · 26/08/2009 10:44

ATM we live in a semi rural area and the DCs are at a Prep School. We are very happy with the school but the money to pay for it will run out eventually and I will end up working to pay for school fees.

Should we just stay put (in our very nice house) and brave the local state schools or move to a place where house prices are very expensive but the schools have a good reputation?

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Original poster
thedolly · 26/08/2009 13:07

violethill - none of the rest of my family were well educated and consequently they all still live where I grew up (and have not done very well for themselves or their children - this is not me being snobby, it is just a fact )

My DC are very self-motivated, the Prep School they are at promotes it . I am sure they would suceed wherever they went it is just that I want the whole experience of school to be as pleasurable as possible for them. I don't want them to be hot housed nor to I want them to be called 'geeks' because they enjoy learning.

A good friend of mine who had a first class education at a state comprehensive and went on to get a first from Oxford never felt comfortable in either environment.

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Original poster
thedolly · 26/08/2009 13:26

SomeGuy - it's not all about exam results for me.

I do actually believe in the idea of comprehensive education. Most of the private schools with which I am familiar have a fairly comprehesive (on ability) student body. I think it is good for children to be able to find their 'place'.

It is just as important for children to know that not everyone has the same ability as them as it is for them to know that not everyone lives in a big house.

Aspiration for me is about finding out what you are good at and what you enjoy as well as knowing what is 'out there' to be had. It is about being 'switched on' and receptive to new ideas.

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hercules1 · 26/08/2009 13:34

"intergrate with pupils that have no aspirations". No, of course you're not a snob.....

IOnlyReadtheDailyMailinCafes · 26/08/2009 13:37

I teach in a grade 2 school ( although I suspect we will be a grade 1 next time) and we had portacabins for 6 years, we are still a very very good state school that parents would sell their right arm to get into and teachers are desperate to be employed by.

foxinsocks · 26/08/2009 13:37

depends where you go but a lot of places you don't get to choose your state school

you get allocated a place

location can help but that's no guarantee so don't think you can move and be sure of a place, especially if it is perceived as a good school (it may have a long waiting list to get in)

MarshaBrady · 26/08/2009 13:38

thedolly, not sure if you have mentioned it, but why isn't working to pay for school fees an option?

Seems like quite a good solution. Or is it not possible, desirable...?

Original poster
thedolly · 26/08/2009 13:49

Apologise if I am making some kind of MN faux pas by posting 3 times in a row without any replies but I am on a roll now .

Thank you to all of you that have taken the time to reply. It is really difficult to discuss this issue with friends without the risk of offending them (or showing myself to be the snob that I hope I am not).

Contrary to popular belief there are 'undesirables' at private school too. My children are 'subjected' to sitting next to people that they wouldn't choose as friends and they have met an array of people exhibiting a raft of different characters/characteristics.

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Original poster
thedolly · 26/08/2009 13:58

hercules1 - am I a snob for thinking that in a class of 30 at a state school compared to a class of 15 at a private school there will be more children with little in the way of aspiration?

Or am I a snob for thinking that aspiration is important?

MarshBrady - working to pay school fees is anoption, I am just wondering if it is 'worth it' - it would mean stress and scholarships .

foxinsocks - the house that we are looking at in SW is in the catchement area for the best state primary and secondary. It is also a semi (we live in a detached) and it costs about £80K more than our current house .

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MarshaBrady · 26/08/2009 14:07

How about looking around the good state schools and the ones near you and weighing up the differences.

Check what the admissions policy is on the good ones and make sure you can get a place if you move.

yanbu to do anything you wish in terms of making decisions for your family, but I think it will be difficult for you or anyone to decide without looking into the reality of both options some more.

Original poster
thedolly · 26/08/2009 14:21

OK - good advice Marsha. Can I look around schools with a toddle in toe? Do I just ring up and make an appointment?

Where we live there is a 3 tier system so it would mean looking at a primary school(for DS) and a middle school (for DD) and the logistics of getting to and from both. Oh and then nursery in a year or so for DS2

The logistics of 'going private' are certainly easier - all 3 under one roof. Even if it does mean a 1hr round trip .

For anyone who is keeping up with this thread (thank you) the schools in SW are within walking distance which is a big plus.

Would you downsize for the privilege of having your DC at a school within walking distance?

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Original poster
thedolly · 26/08/2009 14:25

I meant a toddler .

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sayithowitis · 26/08/2009 14:27

I don't understand how it is that you have managed to choose an independant prep school for your DCs and yet need to ask advice on how to choose a state school for them? Surely you have a set of criteria that are (in order): a)non-negotiable
b)desirable but could manage without and c)extras that would be the icing on the cake but which are just that, extras.

Though I have chosen state schools on several occasions for my children, I have never looked into private education for them, but I am sure that I wuld have wanted the same things either way. It would then just be a question of what, if any, compromises I was willing to make.

I really don't see how working to pay the fees would be such a problem? Most of us work to put food on the table, whether or not we have had the wonderful education that you did. In any case, it sounds as though you would have to increase the mortgage in order to move, so where's the difference between working to pay that or the extra school fees. And if you knopw the money will run out at some point, why not start working and saving now in order to give yourselves a cushion and stave off the awful day when you have to send your DCs to state school, a little longer?

MarshaBrady · 26/08/2009 14:29

I probably would - walking distance, if you like the school and can get in.

But also look at what sort of house it is likely to be if you move (not much to do then!).

MarshaBrady · 26/08/2009 14:31

(but actually am choosing the option of going back to work out of all those, and if that fails then would move).

Original poster
thedolly · 26/08/2009 14:37

Sayithowitis - As you pay for an independent school you would be expected to go and look around. If you have a toddler with you it doesn't matter as you will be paying eventually(or not)and they want your money - you have the upper hand so to speak.

Does everyone who sends their child to a state school go and look around?

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Original poster
thedolly · 26/08/2009 14:44

Here is some more information (now I am about to really show myself for the snob that I am)

My friend lives on the outskirts of a city in a nice area and is happy to send her kids to the local schools. There are lots of other professional people who do the same.

Where I live is agricultural - not so many professional people.

Where we are thinking of moving too - lots of professional people (a percentage of whom send their children to private schools).

Does anyone empathise with my situation or do you all just think I'm being stupid/snobby/neurotic ?

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Original poster
thedolly · 26/08/2009 14:44

Here is some more information (now I am about to really show myself for the snob that I am)

My friend lives on the outskirts of a city in a nice area and is happy to send her kids to the local schools. There are lots of other professional people who do the same.

Where I live is agricultural - not so many professional people.

Where we are thinking of moving too - lots of professional people (a percentage of whom send their children to private schools).

Does anyone empathise with my situation or do you all just think I'm being stupid/snobby/neurotic ?

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MarshaBrady · 26/08/2009 14:46

A friend did look around the state school, then decided to do the big move out of London to Surrey for a very good state school. The London one was very friendly and accommodating.

So when decisions are made based on what you think of the school, it makes sense to check it out. If you are staying regardless then not so sure.

I really don't think it matters if you take your toddler with you.

Original poster
thedolly · 26/08/2009 14:48

Sayithowitis - the non negotiable bit is going 'state' but I fear that I have an irrational fear and that I am going to come unstuck in the end.

Marsha - do your DC go to state or private?

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violethill · 26/08/2009 14:50

I hear what you're saying.

A city where there are more professionals, maybe University staff who send their children to the state schools, etc, may well feel more comfortable.
Where I am it't the norm to send your child to the state schools - it's probably the parents with less clever kids who tend to use private.
And yes, rural areas can be more tricky to find like-minded people.

However, it's got to be said, yes, you are being snobbish!!

MarshaBrady · 26/08/2009 14:51

Ooh well ds is about to start at a prep school in a couple of weeks and I am pregnant due December.

So the plan is to go back to work in the next year, fingers crossed, and use private.

It is easier I suppose because we live in inner London and there isn't a long commute. Dh cycles to work.

But I do live in an area where people make huge decisions about where they live due to the schools.

MarshaBrady · 26/08/2009 14:57

Need to go out, but will come back to this.

Original poster
thedolly · 26/08/2009 14:59

So, here is the situation:

We have enough money to go 'private' for 3 years, at the end of which DD would be 11. DS1 would be 9 and DS2 would be 5.

I was/am (SAHM) an A level teacher of a shortage subject with experience of teaching in the private sector.

Ideal scenario:

In 3 years time I would get a job at DCs school with reduced school fees - dream on.

It's just that if things don't go according to dream scenario then will I kick myself for having 'wasted' £60K?

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diddl · 26/08/2009 15:01

I would find out about the local schools first.
What schools will your children´s peers go to?
If you want private education for your children badly enough, why would working to pay for it be a problem?

Original poster
thedolly · 26/08/2009 15:02

violethill please elaborate - I can take it .

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