to think that this isn't a joke at all its flirting, and totally inapropriate???

[isdhatwuntorisitme]

Ok saw Dh's phone and on it there is a text that he sends me when he plays golf.

"im playing golf today. it could only get any better if i were able to kiss you between the holes.

I think they call that the perimeum"

Only problem was that he had sent this text to a different female!!!!!
The cousin of someone he had tried to get with prior to us being together.

Now he thinks im over reacting, that this is just a joke and means nothing.
I am gutted and think that no its not at all funny its flirty and a bit naughty.

I will be very happy if you tell me im over reacting and bu but i just don't think iam.

and yes your answers will determine whether he stays here tonight so speedy responses welcome

If you're still reading have some respect for your wife!!! You don't know what you've got till it's gone mate

So he keeps sending it to her and she keeps ignoring it? - erm - take the bloody hint! She's not interested!

Poor girl. What if she's feeling really unhappy or intimidated about getting what are, let's face it, suggestive texts?

Why on earth did he decide to send them to her? Just her or every female he knows?

If just her, why her? Why did he pick her and not someone else? What made him decide that he would choose that particular woman to send a suggestive text - twice - to?

Sorry, but I just don't believe it was an innocent joke. I think he was putting feelers out.

he sent it more than once ???

eww, how stalkerish and plain bloody weird

no wonder she hasn't replied (although I think that is a crock of shite, tbh)

the dirty baaaastard

oh he also tried throwing that back at me
"oh so i can't have any female friends that i can send jokes to now"

I could have punched him. Despite my looking at his phone ( i still have no idea why i did that as it is so totally out of character)
i am not at all jealous. he can have as many women friends as he likes, he can joke and even flirt with women and he does so in my company. we both know it goes no further and thats fine.

But this text is just different. its not even flirting really, its beyond that.

Sorry OP, there is no way that text is innocent.

It's a text to someone either you are already shagging, or you are hoping to shag.

He's a twat. And I think if it was a genuine totally stupid error of judgment (which I still think is V V unlikely) I would have expected his response to be more contrite, acknowledging it had upset you & agreeing iit was inappropriate

A twunty man with a basic sense of humour may send a jokey text to a female friend about oral sex, but not about how he wishes he was having oral sex with her. Which is basically what the text says.

If he's not sleeping with her and he's sent her that text twice even after she didn't reply the first time. then he is truly an ignorant prat.

Or he's shagging her. that's more likely, I'm afraid, which of course also makes him a a prat.

he's a prat.

(did call him a twat but changed as thought it inappropriate sorry.)

I'm afraid you need to find out one way or another. More digging, or contact her, or make him speak to her in fromt of you, or something.....I don't think you canbe happy with this till all is now known.

Tell him to cut the 'I can't have female friend' crap this isn't about that, cut that off as soon as he starts it.

Has the 'friends cousin' got a partner?

If some random bloke sent me that text message twice, DP would punch his teeth down his throat.

Send it to a male friend of yours. See how that goes down.

joke?

There are 2 cowboys in the kitchen. Which one is the real cowboy?
The one on the range.

Is a joke.

What do you get when cross a godfather with a lawyer?
An offer you can't understand

is a joke

Why couldn't Dracula's wife get to sleep?
Because of his coffin

is a joke

they're not very good jokes, but still..

"im playing golf today. it could only get any better if i were able to kiss you between the holes. I think they call that the perimeum" is NOT a harmless joke. It is intimate and suggestive and if he can't see that, then you've got problems.

And anyway - he can see that you are upset, that should be enough to make him think again. you should matter enough to him for him to say "I am sorry that you are upset. I won't do it again because I can see that it hurts you."

When you love someone, you respect their feelings and you don't do something that you know hurts them!

OP are you married?

I would say if you're not married and have no children I wouldn't bother any further with this relationship.

I'm not sure why you were reading his phone (i suspect because there is a trust issue already) but if he's flirting with other people while you are there and sending this kind of text as a joke then he's at best a troublemaker and at worst a cheat.

You don't mention that you flirt with men, just that he flirts. I firmly believe that even if you have no intention of taking flirting any further, flirting with other people when out with your partner send a message to other people that you don't value your relationship and are open to options. I'm not saying that this is everyone's intention but this is how flirting is often interpreted by the person outside the relationship and it makes for trouble, IMHO completely needlessly.

she says it's 'dh's phone', so must me married.

gawd, 'be' even

I'm sorry OP but i think you dh is totally out of order. He has made himself look like a complete idiot by sending that text. The female in question must think that that he is a dickhead. He even sent the text twice.

thanx lepirate! lol... reading, another casualty of pregnancy brain!

OP - If you are married you need to work something out to save the relationship. I think the main things are trust, and respect. Your DH clearly either has trouble understanding the effect of his behaviour and how to behave appropriately. Intention is not as important as effect in my book.

YUK
Did he send it by mistake or on purpose?

If on purpose NOT on but he was probably just so proud of the joke and full of self-love he lost sense of reality.

However because of who he sent it to and their history it does become more worrying.

it was on purpose tamba

TWICE

Hmm. ON the one hand I know quite a few peole who exchange 'jokes' like this among several friends and this is not about actually wanting sex with each other - this is people with a fairly unsophisticated sense of humour sharing something they find funny. So the usual shrieking monogamist chorus of 'Bwaaaah! He looked at a woman! He must be fucking her! Change the locks!' is the same old projection of people's own issues onto every situation.
But I wonder if there is a problem here in that two people with basically incompatible ideas of where the boundaries lie have not bothered to discuss it before getting married.

OP- I don't have any advice but just to agree with everyone else that I'd be deeply pissed off and suspicious if my OH sent that to someone else.

curiosity I agree with much of what you say but disagree with your opinion on people in couples flirting with others. OH and I will flirt (mildly, nothing sexual or predatory but, y'know, paying compliments, laughing a lot, teasing etc..) with other people when we're out together, but only with people who we know reasonably well and certainly never with someone who might actually be a genuine threat to the relationship; probably wouldn't usually flirt with people who are single, in fact, as most of our socialising is with other couples. Oooer, I'm making us sound like swingers aren't I?! Honestly not!

Our relationship is not threatened by a bit of gentle flirting. We have both been completely faithful for the last 10 years and we both actually quite like seeing the other all sparky and lively in a social situation. I also think it's quite nice to feel that your partner is attractive enough to be admired by others. I realise there might be a discrepancy between what different people regard as flirting though (hence the OP's situation!) so maybe the brand of flirting OH and I have been guilty of at times might not be regarded as flirting by others.

OP- Hope you can sort him out!

i don't think you can assume he's being unfaithful - people are far too quick to say that on this site.

i think he's just awkward around women, probably wanted to impress this woman and went about it the wrong way.

Some men, if they lack certain social skills, don't know what is and isn't appropriate - sounds like he is one of them.

SGB - no honestly we both send dirty jokes between our friends of both genders. Its really not a problem in normal circumstances. I oulwdn't bat an eyelid to him sending something a little tonuge in cheek or downright rude. its just that to me, this wasn't a joke at all. it was saying that his dfay could only be any better if he had some womans fanjo on his face.

that to me isn't a joke, its a highly suggestive come on.

ROFL @ thesecondcoming