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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be outraged about judgemental mum in the supermarket

56 replies

mmrred · 23/08/2009 20:13

My DD is 14 (but looks older)and my DS is 2. In the supermarket yesterday she was looking after him and letting him have a wander as I sorted out a DVD purchase. He played her up, as little brothers do, and walked in front of a woman's trolley. DD apologised and this woman said 'Can't you learn to control your child?'

How dare she? My DD isn't a teenage Mum but even if she were, it's not as if her brother was causing havoc whilst she was on her mobile phone or something. How unbelievably judgemental.

My DD is humilaited and hurt. Apparently this woman had twin babies in her trolley - perhaps she will show a bit more tolerance when they are toddling.

OP posts:
Fimbo · 23/08/2009 20:16

She could have had a little bit more sympathy but I don't see what she said as being "judgemental", she made an assumption thats all. If your dd looks older than 14 than I probably would have thought the same.

roundwindow · 23/08/2009 20:17

for your DD. It just goes to show how easily prejudice spews forth.... I bet she wouldn't have said that to an older mum.

Flyonthewindscreen · 23/08/2009 20:18

Well bit excessive for the woman with twins in trolley to say that to your DD just because a toddler walked in front of her but a bit OTT for your DD to be "humiliated and hurt" and you to be "outraged".

pjmama · 23/08/2009 20:18

Twin babies = major sleep deprivation = tired, ratty and not thinking straight most of the time! At least it did for me.

She was a bit out of order, but probably feels crappy about being so short with your DD now she's had time to think about it.

Give your DD a big hug and tell her not to worry about it and its just because she looks so grown up.

AnyFucker · 23/08/2009 20:20

get over yourself

she sounds ratty and a bit rude, but hey-ho, its not the end of the world, she made a mistake

PitysSake · 23/08/2009 20:20

upir TWO year old is humiliated and hurt by a one off comment in a supermarket?

peanutbutterkid · 23/08/2009 20:22

It was a rude comment (YANBU part).
Don't most 14yo girls take delight in looking older than they are (Y DD is BU part).?

screamingabdab · 23/08/2009 20:23

Don't worry OP. That lady in the supermarket will learn the error of her ways when hers are toddlers.

I can understand that your DD is hurt. Teenagers are very sensitive to unfair criticism

Overmydeadbody · 23/08/2009 20:25

She was being moody, not judgemental.

Don;t loose sleep over it.

LovelyLulu · 23/08/2009 20:26

She is probably sleep deprived and ratty so she over-reacted but agree some people can be intolerant of toddlers.

We once had a cafe owner get the hump because my ds (5 at the time) spilt some salt over the table!

PitysSake · 23/08/2009 20:27

or maybe your kids were fackign anoying

LoveBeingAMummy · 23/08/2009 20:27

She's gonna have fun in the shops when they are walking isn't see

screamingabdab · 23/08/2009 20:29

I thought toddlers were dirty monsters when my PFB was a baby ...... .

LovelyLulu · 23/08/2009 20:36

screaming I remember thinking that I wouldn't bother to childproof the house, just asking them not to touch would be enough ....

MovingOutOfBlighty · 23/08/2009 20:40

She will learn.

She will regret her harsh words. Toddlers are generally uncontrollable in supermarkets. but two? Ah hah. Ah hah hah hah. Ah hah hah hah hah hah etc.

slowreadingprogress · 23/08/2009 20:59

agree that she was rude

but personally, I don't think supermarkets are good places for 2 year olds to 'have a wander'.....

Mybox · 23/08/2009 21:02

lol at her comment - let's fast forward a year .......

Rindercella · 23/08/2009 21:05

Thought it was going to be much, much worse than this to justify the 'outraged' in the thread title.

Tbh, she probably didn't so much as glance as your DD and just saw a female and a small boy in her way. She was momentarily annoyed. She probably shouldn't have said anything, but then with twin babies, she was probably holding her eyelids up with matchsticks.

shatteredmumsrus · 23/08/2009 21:15

dont see the big deal,poor woman with twns, shes allowed to be ratty

mathanxiety · 23/08/2009 21:16

Yes, I agree that she probably wouldn't have said anything to an older looking female with a child in tow. Oh Ha ha, just saw where you mentioned she had twins.... She's going to have lots of fun shopping with twins in tow. It's one thing to be tired and another thing altogether to actually get ratty with someone you don't know. I always wonder about the children who are with a person like that, what sort of a day they are having.

florence2511 · 23/08/2009 21:18

Gosh - my DD is always walking into people, trolley's etc in supermarkets. I best watch my back.

LilTulip · 24/08/2009 01:24

I perhaps would have presumed the same if your DD looks older. but as others have said Twins = tired and ratty, so prob not thinking rationally.

Reminds me of when my DD1 then aged 16 took dd2 then aged 1 into town with her and her boyfriend. Whilst walking through the shops was passed by a Nun. The nun looked at dd2 then dd1 and her bf and tutted and shook head in disgust. She then walked off muttering under her breath, probably saying her hail mary's or some such. I still snigger when i think of this.

UndomesticHousewife · 24/08/2009 01:38

I have been very tired and very ratty as a consequence, I wouldn't want to be rude to strangers in the supermarket and se that as an excuse.
She said it to your dd because she's young, too right she probably wouldn't have said it to an older mum.

I had a lady be quite rude to me when I was in a shop with dd2 when she was very young (about 3 weeks old), she said something about how young I was to have a baby and I shouldn't have a baby that young outside.
When I informed her I was 26 (at the time) and this was my 2nd baby and she was fine to be in a shop, she changed before my eyes and started talking to me like a 'proper' mother.

Just because I look younger (well not anymore) than I was she thought she could get away with it.

muggglewump · 24/08/2009 01:50

Huh?

The woman had no idea that your son wasn't your daughter's child.

She asked that he was controlled, that's all.
She may have done the same if you'd worn a sign on you to say you are his Mum.

From your post, it's about the running around, not about the age of parents

I think you are being far too over sensitive.

thirtypence · 24/08/2009 02:01

You left your dd in loco parentis. She got told off by someone having a bad day, who presumably has no experience of normal toddler behaviour.

Nobody was wrong, just different.

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