to be so upset and angry about an accident ds had at nursery?

[NatKat]

Hi. I was hoping for some views on how I should manage a situation at my ds nursery. He is almost 3 years old. A couple of months ago I picked him up in the evening to find that he had a swollen and slightly cut upper lip. The staff rather sheepishly reported that he had fallen after breakfast at 8am and hit his mouth on the table. Poor ds looked very upset and tearful. They reported that he had not eaten anything all day and that he had sobbed himself to sleep at nap time. I was shocked and appalled that they had not contacted me and did not even administer any pain medication. I asked why they did not contact me but they had no response. I am currently on maternity leave and only 10 minutes away, not that I wouldn't have come home from work if I was there. I didn't pursue it at the time but I have continued to be upset about the way he was treated that day. Earlier this week I noticed that his front tooth has started to go grey and it has been confirmed by a dentist that it has died. This has confirmed to me that the poor child must have had a bad fall that day and must have been in a lot of pain. We have withdrawn him from the nursery and told them to expect a written complaint. However, we are considering reporting them to OFSTEAD too. There have been a number of less severe incidents at the nursery that we have been unhappy about. In particular, there appeared to be a very high number of accident forms which lead us to question how well the children were being supervised. He also had a very bad nappy rash when he was in the baby room - skin was broken and took over a week to heal. Has anyone else any experience of complaining about a nursery? How many minor accidents are acceptable? I do of course understand that toddlers have accidents but at one point we being asked to sign two or three accident forms a week.

Accidents are understandable but not contacting you about something that severe is beyond the pale. Report them to Ofsted. The nappy rash thing sounds awful!

Actually, I don't think they have done anything wrong

Accidents happen all the time - some children are more accident prone than others. My six year old STILL has accident forms when she attends clubs and things, I often have to hear "I'm afraid she just ran headlong into the wall..." etc.

Nurseries can't call Mum every time a child has a fall - they have to make the decision whether it's bad enough. Some parents will be very rude if they feel that they have been unecessarily contacted.

I think YABU

tbh, as this happened a few months ago, I would be inclined to let it go.
Children do have accidents, some more than others. we average one a day in the toddler rooms.
As for ringing parents, this is not normally what happens, unless the child needs to go to hospital.
And babies get nappy rash.
Report them to OFSTED if it makes you feel better, but so long after the events does seem a little weird.
You should have sorted it out with the nursery at the time.

They have to write accident forms for literally everything, my ds has at least one a week from school. I spoke to the teacher who said that most bumps are really minor but they have to fill in a form to cover themselves. It is really hard to judge how bad an accident is, my ds cries blue murder at the slightest bump and I would be at the school all the time if they rang me every time he had a fall. At nursery they only rang if it was a noticable head injury with side affects, or if it was a serious injury. It is so hard when it is your child that is getting hurt but I think yabu

I forgot the important bit
YABU

It's also possible that the tooth died from another bump or scrape - my DD has a dead front tooth and I have no idea which of her many bumps caused it

I can understand why it took you so long to get to the place where you felt you needed to complain

my dd had dreadful (negligent I would say) treatment by a nursery and it really was only in retrospect that I realised how bad it was and the steps I should have taken

I totally regret not filing a formal complaint and I would urge you to make your complaint

Write a letter to Ofsted. Explain why you waited so long to complain and send a copy of the letter to the nursery.

Natkat I used to be a community worker with adults who have learning disabilities(Adults i say), health and safety was paramount and every fall,knock or trip even minor, a health and safety form had to be filled in and parents/carers informed by phone. For one SU she was so unstable on her feet, i would end up completing about 3 a day and phone calls to her poor mum who had enough on her plate with health problems.

Yes accidents happen, and this could have happened to yoru ds while in your care,I am a stay at home mum and my dd has had quite a few, however the nursery were wrong not to contact you immediately. As for pain relife, forget it! They are not allowed to even put a plaster on your child, let alone administer some sort of relife. i agree that you are angry and would probably do the same myself, good luck.

I don't think you are BU at all. I winced when I read your post OP.

Yes kids have accidents but a blow to the face is the same as a blow to the head in terms of risk of concussion. If he 'cried himself to sleep' he was obviously still hurting some time after the accident. I would have expected a call.

These people are not medically qualified and had no right to make the judgement on whether he was ok to continue his day.

If your kid was at the same nursery as my dd I'd want you to report this to OFSTED as i'd like to know if my dd was at risk of being treated simularly.

I seem to be going against the grain here, but actually I do think the nursery should have phoned you when it was clear your ds wasn't eating all day and was still upset by the accident.

I totally agree that accidents happen frequently in any nursery/school etc and that accident forms have to be completed for anything, but in this case, with the accident occurring at 8am and your ds being affected all day by it, it surely must have been obvious this wasn't the usual bump that a child cries over and then forgets.

I guess it's probably the tooth which is upsetting you - please don't worry in the long term, my ds did the same thing when he was little (playground fall) and a while later the tooth died, but the second teeth won't be affected.

a high number of accident forms is probably less concerning than a very low number - i.e. that they are being honest in documenting all incidents, even the minor ones. However I would be extremely displeased by the incident you described, they should have contacted you as your child was clearly so distressed.

This accident sounded bad and they should have contacted you, is there are trained first aider at the nursery. Just to leave it is so bad poor thing. My dd whilst in my care rushed up the the coffetable when just mastering walking and banged her mouth against the wood, it bled and her tooth was chipped, felt so bad. After a cry and a bottle of milk and dummy later she seemed fine.

I dont think you are being unreasonable for worrying about your child but I DO think you need to look at some of the minor complaints. As a parent who lost a job due to being called nearly every day over silly things at a nursery that had become overzealous being careful due to an ofsted complaint over nappy rash, there is a very fine line. My son is another one of those who gets a new bump every other day and if he is very upset, like your son sounds the day he hurt his mouth then I would prefer to be called but accidents happen with some kids regardless and if nurseries are put under huge pressure it is ultimately parents having to leave work all the time who suffer. So no yanbu, BUT be careful how you word it

The thing is when you look after dozens of children every day, you do get used to the accidents. They don't look as bad as they do to the parents.

Nurseries are different in the way they deal with injuries and illneses but I think head injuries should be quickly reported to the parent. If the nursery is policy is clear, then staff should not be worried about 'upsetting' parents who feel they are too busy to hear about an accident.

Forget reporting anything to Ofsted. They are completely useless. They do not 'adjudicate' regarding the complaint (i.e. they cannot say who is right and wrong). They simply consider whether the nrusery, at the time of their visit, is complying with national standards.

I have been involved in two complaints to Ofsted - both about ratios. I once witnessed only two members of staff looking after 20 children at a nursery. Later at the same nursery, I found two children, unsupervised and unmissed in the reception area which has open access to the road.

Ofsted investigated. They found contraventions of the national standards. The owner was not even keeping records confirming the staff on and had not CRB's staff.

However, within TWO months, they allowed the nursery to expand to take on more children.

You will cause yourself alot of stress and get no joy. They are too worried about stepping on business toes.

Write in straightforward and amicable terms to the manager, confirming your concern and suggestion a policy be established for reporting such incidents.

Thank you all for your posts. Agree that nursery should not contact us for every little accident and that it would make it very difficult to work. However, we feel that this incident was much more serious than the everyday bumps and scrapes that toddlers get. It was so clear to me that he was in pain. His face was swollen, lip cut, tearful, not eating, sobbing self to sleep. Although he could easily have had such an accident at home I would certainly have given him painkillers and not have expected him to keep up with the demands of a busy day at nursery.

Whatever happened to cause it the fact he had no food or drink is just undefendable.

Also, ds usually very quick to recover from accidents. Tends not to even cry or complain unless quite a big bump and usually forgotten within minutes.

YANBU - I would be very upset if I thought DD had sobbed herself to sleep and that nobody had contacted me.

Am at this - and have had 3 children through nursery.

Our nursery would contact the parents if there had been a fall this bad, esp. if he hadn't eaten or had cried all day. There would also be a report at the end of the day, which would be signed by the staff member involved, a senior staff member and the parent, which would show how it had happened, what treatment was given, and how the child reacted.

This is beyond a normal toddler bump by the sounds of it, and the nappy rash is also very worrying. What did they do about that?

I would be very angry if my dd had a bash like that and nobody called me.

I think YANBU to report the nursery, if they've done nothing wrong by their estimation then they have nothing to worry about.

my dd2 was not treated well at nursery. i removed her and with hindsight really wish i had taken things further. dd3 is at a lovely nursery and they will ring me if she is poorly or has fallen over and hurt herself. If it is bothering you and you feel you have cause then i do think that it is reasonable for you to take it further, it might just get them to review what they are doing and make it better for all,

Just wanted to say that you don't have to bang a tooth that hard to kill it. My mum killed one of hers with a china teacup which she banged on her front teeth after being startled.

I do think that you should have been called when it became apparent that he was in so much pain he wouldn't eat and that he couldn't settle for his nap.

YANBU if there is a ground for the complaint fine- if there isn't well it doesn't hurt anyone responsible for such vulnerable people to come under scrutiny

TBH Pure Purple I find this comment a little bit disturbing
"The thing is when you look after dozens of children every day, you do get used to the accidents. They don't look as bad as they do to the parents."

Just because you are more used to them than parents it doesn't stop some of them being serious. I am sure/hope I am being unreasonable in how I read your comment.

This is a toughie, because as a childminder I am aware that every single little bump and scrape should be recorded - mainly to protect ourselves. So you can end up with an alarming amount of accident forms! However, IMO they really should have contacted you in this instance as your son clearly had a nasty fall.

Personally, I would be letting Ofsted know - I think the fact it happened a few months ago doesn't matter.

A CM friend of mine once went to pick a mindee up from pre-school and was told the girl had got in the way of a fight between two 3yr old boys. She had a cut lip and a black eye from where she had been pushed over and had blood all down her top. My friend was beyond furious that nobody had let her or the parent's know and it was left to her to explain to the mother when she collected. She put in a complaint to the pre-school and as a result they changed the way they deal with accidents - so it worth it to speak up sometimes.