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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to tell my friend her boy is annoying??

36 replies

Fluffypoms · 22/08/2009 11:11

My friend has a 4yo ds,who i think rules her and causes a drama about everything.

last time we had playdate her ds took my dd,s socks off so dd was saying NO i dont want them off, anyway turned into a squabble
so my friend told my dd not to be silly and that it wasnt a problem?
he then threw the socks out the window!
so i laughinly said opps thats a problem.

she didnt even tell him he shouldnt of done that,just let him carry on playing.

I am forever telling my own dc/s no leave it,give it back ect just to please her DS.

he is often very rude and everything he says goes.
have got to the point where i dont want my dcs playing with him,if they join in on what her ds does,she ignores he started it and says oh thats naughty of your dc?

But really like my friend just not her ds at times.
WWYD?

OP posts:
TotalChaos · 22/08/2009 11:12

YABVU. this child is 4, it's your friend's fault for not making any attempt to deal with her child's behaviour.

Thunderduck · 22/08/2009 11:14

I think your friend is the annoying one. She's the one that isn't setting boundaries for her ds, and dismissing your dd's feelings.

diedandgonetodevon · 22/08/2009 11:16

YABVU. Obviously you say nothing if you want to keep your friend.

waitingforbedtime · 22/08/2009 11:16

I would tell him off myself. I have a very similar situation. For example if my ds and this other wee boy were playing with toys I would expect them to share. The other wee boy regularly brings his own (sack of) toys with him and refuses to share them and when he grabs them from ds (who is 2) his mum says 'yes thats your one isnt it'. It makes me sooooooo mad. Isnt the kid's fault though, its his mum's. He has also poked my child in the eye, knocked him over etc and nothing has been said but my son once ran into him and his mother took him away saying 'someone was going to get hurt) - bear in mind my child was 15m, hers was 2 at the time. So.......I now tell him off myself, if she doesnt like it she can not come round.

(Sorry got into a bit of a rant!!)

waitingforbedtime · 22/08/2009 11:17

ps when I say 'tell him off' I just say 'dont do that' or 'that isnt nice' etc I dont shout or discipline in any otehr way.

Original poster
Fluffypoms · 22/08/2009 11:22

I know, its just hard to say it to her as i feel like i am putting her down on her parenting skills!

and i know that his nursery have probs with him too.. that she gets upsett about.

she was told him hit the teacher because he did't want to sit on carpet.
and she was actually upsett for teacher trying to make him.

I told her thats life and he will always be told what to do through out school.

just think i am wasting my breath,

OP posts:
motherbeyond · 22/08/2009 11:25

what waitingforbedtime said...i'm exactly the same. i tell off my own children and their friends i f they're being naughty and their own mother doesn't intervene. have nooo problem doing it.

colditz · 22/08/2009 11:28

Have them round to your house. Have clear rules - a good on with toys is "no taking out of someone's hand, if you put it down and leave it, you've lost it."

Your friend is a dick.

welshdeb · 22/08/2009 11:37

He hit the teacher when she was trying to get him to sit on the carpet and youir friend was annoyed with the teacher. !!!!

How good a friend is she? Would she react well to a "chat" about this?

with her attitude and her failuer to set boundaries for him and to resepct other people, I can't see things working out well for her or her dc and if I were you I would either stop seeing her or at least only see her without her dc if she is a close friend.

Original poster
Fluffypoms · 22/08/2009 11:38

I think your all right, and it was just easier for me to get annoyed with her ds than her..

I wanted to actually say maybe he should be looked at as he will have the biggest shitfit over nothing.

for instance my dd had crisps that were peanut butter flavour.
offerd the friends ds one. said he didnt like them without trying one, and when my friend had one he screamed & screamed no mummy dont eat it like she had just accepted poison from us?.

carried it on for ages. that time she did tell him if he carried on would be going straight home..

he has amazing knowledge of cars though for a 4yo and remembers every make and reg of car of people they know?

OP posts:
piscesmoon · 22/08/2009 11:40

I don't think it worth the hassle and I bet your DD doesn't really enjoy the get togethers. I would stop seeing her with the DCs and suggest that you go out in the evening instead for adult time.

MarshaBrady · 22/08/2009 11:41

It will be hard to make any difference even with a chat.

It sounds like your friend is so engrained with the my ds is a 'free spirit' and everyone is trying to repress him schtick - you will just become one of them in her eyes.

She is wrong, you are right.

Either have rules or see her without the dc.

colditz · 22/08/2009 11:42

He's a boy, it's normal for 4 year old boys to obsess over cars to that extent.

his mother is neglecting his discipline though.

MrsMattie · 22/08/2009 11:49

You have to be the mature adult in the situation. If the situation is unbearable (doesn't sound much different from most annoying 4 yr old type behaviour, to be honest...) then by all means say something to your friend.

PuppyMonkey · 22/08/2009 12:00

I agree with Mrs M. Four year olds are generally a right little bunch of annoying so and sos aren't they? Stop making such a big deal over this. Don't see him so much if he annoys you so much. Most other kids annoy me.

Original poster
Fluffypoms · 22/08/2009 12:09

going crazy and sobbing over your mum eating a crisp sure cant be nomal behaviour?

my ds is almost 4 and yes he can be naughty doesnt act like that.

I want to keep seeing my friend and hard todo so without our DC's intow

OP posts:
colditz · 22/08/2009 12:29

Well done, you have succeeded in having a different child to your friend. In this world of entirely identical 4 year old boys, she must be Very Wrong to have produced such deviant offspring.

Look, what's 'normal' for your child isn't necessarily normal for hers. There is probably something your child does that irritates the fuck out of her.

2rebecca · 22/08/2009 12:31

If you don't work can't you meet whilst kids at nursery. Otherwise get husbands to look after kids and go out on an evening. It sounds as though your dislike of her parenting ability is affecting your friendship if you see her with her son anyway. Some people make good friends but rubbish parents.

KIMItheThreadSlayer · 22/08/2009 12:44

YANBU, I would just stop spending time with her, and if ask why say I don't like your child

piscesmoon · 22/08/2009 13:37

When your DC are little it is easy to get together with friends and expect the DCs to mix, once the DCs get to about 4 yrs, and certainly by 6 yrs, you can't always do this. I would just abandon getting the DCs together and have an adult friendship.
I have a very close friend and we have DSs close in age-they never got on and I found her DS difficult, and her parenting style very different. She is still a friend today but we gave up on all being friends together-it didn't work.

Morloth · 22/08/2009 14:25

Sometimes different methods of parenting can mean the death of friendships.

Maybe try to get together with her without the kids.

Don't say anything, it will only get her back up.

FabBakerGirlIsBack · 22/08/2009 14:29

You can never criticise someone's child to their face and expect the friendship to continue.

The child is four. It isn't his fault he doesn't know how to behave yet. It is his mother's.

Stop telling yours off though when they have done nothing wrong.

GypsyMoth · 22/08/2009 14:57

peanut butter flavour crisps?

Original poster
Fluffypoms · 22/08/2009 15:09

yeah ilovetiffany peanut butter flavour.
they are lovely

OP posts:
GypsyMoth · 22/08/2009 15:13

want some now....have never,ever heard of them before!! lol...sound delish tho..

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