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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be a bit annoyed that my cleaner made herself a cuppa?

544 replies

kwaker5 · 19/08/2009 20:01

Have had a cleaner for about 8 weeks. On first visit I offered her a cuppa as I was having one but she declined and said she always brought her own drinks with her [pointed to cool bag].

I usually let her in and clear off with the DCs while she's there but last week I came back a bit earlier than normal and noticed she'd made herself a brew.

I'm not really pissed off but it's niggling at me. Isn't there and unwritten rule that they shouldn't go in your cupboards/drawers?

OP posts:
iceagethree · 20/08/2009 13:52

Am astounded that people think they are in the lofty position of giving lessons in life about this.

And yet in this delightful world of building relationships, have no qualms about making the op feel stupid, small, selfish and even unbalanced.

sophieandbelly · 20/08/2009 13:53

um sorry i agree!! 2 hrs is not along time to work with no cuppa! and people r writting it as tho she is doing u a favour! she does get paid! i dont think its a huge deal but would niggle me a bit, helping herself. the cheek!

Thunderduck · 20/08/2009 13:54

And what about the attitude that begrudges someone a 5 minute break? That's far more worrying imho.

So long as the job gets done does it really matter if they have a short break? I'd encourage them to take one. I've never worked 3 hours without having some form of respite, even just for a few minutes.

I've worked for a boss that I,and many others hated and who hated me but even she wouldn't have thought that someone shouldn't be allowed a quick tea break.

NonGratisAnusDailyMail · 20/08/2009 13:59

iceagethree, I assume you are referring to me? Please can you direct me to any posts I have made where I have made the OP "feel stupid, small, selfish and even unbalanced"? I may have made a couple of comments directed at stuffit and kitty's specific posts, but in no way have I tried to subject the OP to any sort of bullying

serendippity · 20/08/2009 14:03

I agree with iceage about how the OP may feel. She hasn't come across particualry badly, she asked a question (and yes I do think she IBU) and everyone has totaly pounced on her. She has only posted tthree timesand has not come back, does anyone think she may feel too stupid and embarrased to?
Oh and I may be wrong, when she said "this ones going when I've recovered" I honestly think she meant she was only keeping her on for the duration of her recovery in any case.

Kitty- You however, come across as increadibly mean and sanctimonious. Who the hell are you that you can declare 3 hours is perfectly acceptable to go without a break/cup of tea???
No you won't die without one, but that is not the point.
I'm a full time mum who cleans her own house. I often clean for a couple of hours at a time- it is knackering! I very often have a cup of every hour or so, because it makes me feel better taking a few minutes to drink it.

Thunderduck · 20/08/2009 14:03

Sophie.It's a cup of tea not the OP's dinner.

I'd expect my hypothetical cleaner to feel free to help herself to tea,coffee and biscuits. I'd have made that clear at the start actually that she could do so.

If she felt unable to do so then I'd feel bloody awful, far worse than I'd feel about her helping herself a teabag a drop of milk and some water.

TheDMshouldbeRivened · 20/08/2009 14:09

its a cup of tea! Not sleeping with the husband!

Original poster
kwaker5 · 20/08/2009 14:13

If anyone is still interested (I can't believe the way this thread has gone).

Firstly, it seems I need to justify my 'need' for a cleaner from some of the posts.

I was struggling towards the end of my pregnancy with a toddler, finding it hard to hoover, bend over, etc. I knew I would be having a C-section because of complications during my first birth so I knew I'd need some help afterwards. She comes for 2 hours a week to clean bathroom/kitchen, hoover and dust.

It is not something I feel comfortable doing, having never had 'staff' before and certainly having never grown up with them

Is that OK with everyone?

Finally, it really really is not about the milk, water, teabag. I would not begrudge anyone a cup of tea and struggle to understand why some of your replies assume this. I now realise that it bothered me because I know that if I were in another persons house under the same or similar circumstances, I would not help myself to a drink - it wasn't how I was brought up.

Thanks to those who stuck up for me - it meant a great deal.

Can you all just drop it now, please?

OP posts:
serendippity · 20/08/2009 14:20

Kwaker, unless someone had expressly told me I could help myself I wouldn't either. But I wouldn't be annoyed if someone did, and I hadn't said they could, in my house ifyswim

sophieandbelly · 20/08/2009 14:22

i wouldnt either, think its bit rude, not the way i was brought up either, people just take some posts a bit far!!!!

serendippity · 20/08/2009 14:23

Damn didn't finish my post before posting!
Anyway, perhaps if you'd phrased the thread "is this what other people cleaners do?" instead of using the word "annoyed" people wouldn't get the wrong end of the stick?
You are not wrong to wonder about cleaner ettiquette, I wouldn't have clue!

MorningTownRide · 20/08/2009 14:30

Why did you post this in AIBU?

Why not post it in another thread where you will actaully get advice?

Nobody is questioning why you need a cleaner.

You offered her a cup of tea. The first time she said no. She then assumed you were ok with her making a cup of tea.

It's nothing to do with how the cleaner was brought up, how bloody crass.

serendippity · 20/08/2009 14:43

morning, I don't think that's what kwaker was saying and it certinaly wasn't what I was saying. I think she was just explaining why she was confused. No one is saying her cleaner was brought up badly!

serendippity · 20/08/2009 14:43

I do get your point about why the cleaner assumed it was fine tho.

iceagethree · 20/08/2009 15:27

mtr you are determined to take offence misunderstand

kwaker good luck, it is not so easy if you are not used to it, you want to be nice but at the same time feel you ought to have boundaries

if it was a long relationship i would think about how you see the time being used, and if you really mind about it

but as it's such a short one for you I would go with the flow

i don't think you could read into this that will "go further" and start nosing around, if that is your fear, it may be just what she's used to somewhere else

you are not a ghastly human being for asking this question

MorningTownRide · 20/08/2009 15:31

Er, I've not taken offence and I complately understand.

So there!

OhBling · 20/08/2009 15:31

I have to come back to Kitty's response to my question about working...

As a teacher, did you only get breaks after more than 3 hours? I am not a teacher, but that doesn't sound right to me. For a start, I can't imagine that children can go for three hours without a break so it seems unlikely that you wouldn't either.

I just laugh because I've never considered a cup of tea to be either a perk or something that should be regulated. It's like needing to wee - it just happens. Sometimes you need one. And yes, being paid for three hours but spending 30 minutes sitting with a tea or having a fag or making calls or whatever, is not acceptable but that's not what we're talking about here.

As for my cleaner - you said it's nice to have hard working, good cleaners. You're right. But interestingly, I've always had hard working good cleaners. Perhaps I'm lucky. But I'd like to think that it's more because I'm also a good employer who treats people fairly and reasonably.

iceagethree · 20/08/2009 15:38

oh bling you don't know what is being talked about, that's the point, kwaker doesn't know either if it's been a cup of tea on the go or a sit down with a magazine

she's asking about other people's boundaries and she's been called a cow

i'm also a good employer who treats people fairly and reasonably and I disagree with you

mtr sometimes you've not made any sense at all

i have been on this thread a lot earlier by the way, i was the one agreeing with kitty

iceagethree · 20/08/2009 15:40

and before anyone suggests that I wouldn't allow my cleaner a cup of tea I refer you to my first post on this thread

MorningTownRide · 20/08/2009 15:44

Please give me an example iceagethree

And really, what if she did sit down with a magazine? Just as long as the cleaning is done to kwaker's satisfaction.

kwaker has not complained about the quality of the cleaning, has she?

iceagethree · 20/08/2009 15:46

ok

you suggested we were bad employers and then said when did i say you were bad employers

can't be bothered to trawl through but you seemed random at times

your second point here is a good one and could have been made a lot earlier but you were too busy heaping scorn on the very idea of setting boundaries

iceagethree · 20/08/2009 15:47

by "a good one" i mean it's helpful to consider .. whether you are paying by the hour or by the task

MorningTownRide · 20/08/2009 15:49

Well that's told me then.

I think, unless you can find specific quotes, you are talking complete hooey.

iceagethree · 20/08/2009 15:49

even now.. you're doing it again!

iceagethree · 20/08/2009 15:50

maybe you have short term memory loss

sorry if you have and I've drawn attention to it, I had no idea