To not really want an unknown childminder at a day out with friends?

[whippet]

A small group of mums from school agreed to go out for a day together over summer to the beach. We all get on really well, have known each other for ages etc etc.

My friend who organised it e-mailed everyone the details and one of the mums has replied aying, "I can't make it, but I'm sending DD with her childminder"

I'm a bit about this.

• none of us know/ have met the childminder so it's going to make the day a bit awkward with a 'new person' in amongst a bunch of friends IYSWIM
• this wasn't meant just as a kids day out - it was a chance for us to meet/ chat/ have a laugh etc
• the 'DD' in question is a bit of a madam - bossy etc. I don't know how well the CM manages her behaviour.

AIBU to be a bit annoyed?

[2rebecca]

Must admit I never thought of mum and baby groups as exclusively for mums and babies and the one I occasionally went to had dads, grannies, childminders etc with babies and toddlers. It was mainly seen as a place for adults to take children to play with other children and to have a supportive natter. Dads and childminders were welcome at ours. They were doing parenting as well.
I think mothers and toddlers groups are different to sending someone else to a social event only you have been invited to as one of a group of friends. If my friends asked me out I wouldn't send my husband instead of me, he's not the person they invited.

[pigletmania]

Gosh Whippet you YAU, sounds a bit cliqqy and condesending, you dont even know the poor lady(she is a lady not a child)and already you are making assumptions. I studied at uni and was sharing a flat we Polish students and they were the most kind,friendly bunch of people you could know. Just because you were not keen on your Polish au pairs no need to tar them all with the same brush, poor thing. If you are that dead against it, why dont you talk to the mum in question and tell her how you feel.

The little girl is probably friends with the other children so why should she miss out gosh have a little compassion.

[Arcadie]

Oh Whippet I'm dying to know what you email to your mate.... please post again. I'll be nice to you.

[curiositykilled]

'Will probably sit on the beach being bored and texting her boyfriend. (We've had 2 Au Pairs, so I know this stuff, before I get jumped on!)'



You are quite unreasonable. If the mother wants her dd to go why can't she send her with her au pair? Maybe she should have asked instead of telling, but would you have said no?! If the trip is for kids AND adults why does the dd have to be excluded in order to preference the adults?

You're making yourself sound very cliquey, selfish and superior. I can't get over the way you speak about au pairs like they are dogs! I wouldn't want to be your au pair, or your friend for that matter - you seem incredibly intolerant!

[Boobz]

Agree with TheBolter

[morningpaper]

YANBU, that would REALLY annoy me, your friend has NO manners. Don't invite her next time.

[SomeGuy]

My DW despairs at the 'ugh foreign' mums at school. DW is very friendly, as I'm sure said Polish au pair is, but there's a proportion of mums who studiously ignore the non-tennis-playing/non-PTA-member/non-clique women, and it's very unwelcoming for anybody.

[SomeGuy]

by that I mean the mothers who seem to subconsciously say to themselves 'ugh, she's foreign', and ignore said person.

[ElieRM]

I don't think the DD should miss out because her mother is working. How awful it would be for a young child to feel excluded and left out.
Also, whilst I appreciate that your anual leave is a precious thing, I think its extremely rude to describe a twenty-year-old woman as a child and infer she would in some way ruin your day. She may well be a charming, bright woman and I don't think its too much to expect for you and the other mums to make a little effort.

[MrsBarbaraKingstanding]

I think it's a weird way for your 'friend' to act, surely good manners and some social skills would suggest you ask other about arrangements before imposing them on others.

But I find all your reasoning strange and in consisitent, first pissed off because had to talk to au pair, then pissed off cos friend is traeting you badly gemerally, then don't even seem to ;ike this woman or her DD (but were originally looking forward to day out with great mates of which she was one?), thrn pissed off abour manners etc.

maybe if you decide actually why you are pissed off and if you actually want to be friends with ths woman it may help you deal with it.

I have some sympathy though, the grilling AIBU threads give you is mercifuless and can make your noraml good reasoning wobble all over in attempt to explain you are not really the facist your original OP may have suggested (voice of experince!).

[Arcadie]

Whippet post again woman!

[Mummywhereisyourwillie]

And ...don't assume the au pair is going to be ill educated and a nuisance. Recently I asked an au pair at school why she was leaving and she was returning to work in law having had this year learning English.