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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is It Possible???????

38 replies

juicyjolly · 18/08/2009 23:34

I was wondering what you mners out there think of a man just being friends with a woman. No sex, no relationship other than friendship.
Do you think it possible?
What if the woman is married and the man isn't or visa versa.
What if they are both married? Not to each other obviously

If you were married and your partner has female friends would it worry you or be no problem at all?

OP posts:
TheLadyEvenstar · 18/08/2009 23:39

Wouldn't be a problem to me tbh but then 90% of my RL friends are male.

Overmydeadbody · 18/08/2009 23:39

Yes it is possible.

Most of my closest friends are male, I haven't slept with them and am pretty sure they don't have alterior motives for our friendship.

Some are married, some have girlfriends, some are single and some have been in and out of relationships while I've known them.

If I was married it would be because I truted the man, so I would like to think his female friends wouldn't threaten me or make me feel jealous or insecure.

Overmydeadbody · 18/08/2009 23:40

I don;t know what trutting is, I meant trusted obviously

MissSunny · 18/08/2009 23:43

Message withdrawn

Trikken · 18/08/2009 23:44

It wouldnt worry me, as long as it isnt an ex he is friends with.

I would hope he would trust me too.

MissSunny · 18/08/2009 23:45

Message withdrawn

theDMplagiarisedLeonie · 18/08/2009 23:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

HolyGuacamole · 18/08/2009 23:51

Yep, it's possible. DH and I both have friends of the opposite sex, not a problem.

I have been the victim however of male friends who have gotten girlfriends and the gf's didn't like the friendship. It's sad but I've lost a couple of good male pals because of this unwarranted insecurity. I have one current male friend where the friendship hangs by a thread because it is patently obvious that his partner does not like him to have female friends, I find that very sad because apart from this insecurity, she is actually a very nice person.

Original poster
juicyjolly · 18/08/2009 23:57

What if one of them was a little flirty...just their nature not anything in it...would it be something you could handle as long as you felt secure in the knowledge they were just a flirt or would it bother you?

OP posts:
hatesponge · 19/08/2009 00:00

HG - this has happened to me; I had loads of male friends in my teens/early 20s however as soon as they became established in LTR's, none of the GFs liked me/our friendships, and of course when asked to choose they didnt choose me

I had honestly never thought of any of the men as anything other than friends, so certainly didnt have any secret designs on them or anything. Sad really.

GrimmaTheNome · 19/08/2009 00:01

Yes, DH and I both have friends of various genders. No problem.

Trikken · 19/08/2009 00:02

actually i amend what i wrote earlier being that i would have a problem if dh was spending time with one girl who used to 'stalk' him, who was very flirty and texted all the time when i was pregnant with ds, I dont think he would though as it bothered him just as much as it bothered me.

clemette · 19/08/2009 00:04

DH is VERY good friends with my (single) sister. They share a sense of humour, have a great deal in common and are drinking buddies. They have been for ten years and it has never been an issue.

Original poster
juicyjolly · 19/08/2009 00:04

It is sad, but I suppose it is more down to their insecurities.

I used to make a special effort with their new gf. Most of the time it worked, not always, but it was always worth the effort to keep a decent friend.

OP posts:
HolyGuacamole · 19/08/2009 00:06

If it was a tiny bit flirty, that wouldn't really bother me. I trust my DH, simple as that.

Agree hatesponge, it is a shame as I always looked forward to my male friends meeting someone nice, because I do like meeting new people. I find it insulting to think that those girls felt insecure because of me, I feel like it slights my character when they didn't even know me well enough to judge. Hey-ho.

BitOfFun · 19/08/2009 00:07

I have male and female friends, but tbh, I don't tend to see any of them with including my DP- same for him and his friends. I don't mean that I never get together with them alone, but they are generally friends or at least warm acquaintances of both of us, and at least sometimes we do stuff together. At the end of the day, DP and I are the most important thing to each other. I'm not sure exavtly what I'm saying here, but I can't imagine having a cosy little scenario with anyone which he wasn't involved with to some degree because I don't especially want to. And vice-versa. It's not a rule or anything- just the way it's worked out.

Original poster
juicyjolly · 19/08/2009 00:08

Is it flirting if a risque joke, comment was made?
Its just that I know it wouldn't be flirting if a girl made the 'joke or comment' to one of her girl friends or male to male.

OP posts:
HolyGuacamole · 19/08/2009 00:10

Huicyjolly - you're gonna have to spill the beans lady! What was the comment/joke and what were the circumstances? Come on, out with it?

HolyGuacamole · 19/08/2009 00:11

whoops, I meant Juicyjolly

Trikken · 19/08/2009 00:16

depends what it was really.

Overmydeadbody · 19/08/2009 00:20

yep spill the beans.

We need more info before we make informed decisions.

Quattrocento · 19/08/2009 00:24

I'm married and I have male friends. Often feel more comfortable with them than with women tbh. DH is married and has female friends. All our friends of the opposite gender are just that - friends.

Sorry, what's the issue?

TheLadyEvenstar · 19/08/2009 00:33

Juicy is this over the text message still???

Overmydeadbody · 19/08/2009 09:24

What text message?

pjmama · 19/08/2009 09:28

I guess we're still talking about the "slapper/pricktease" texting thread from the other day? You were very adamant then that it didn't bother you, has something else happened since to change your mind?