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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not be able to decide whether I should have ranted at this man or if I should feel really sorry for him

28 replies

dilemma456 · 17/08/2009 17:50

Message withdrawn

OP posts:
superduperminder · 17/08/2009 17:52

What a bloody weirdo. I would have told to sod off. I think you did really well not to shout at him tbh.
by the way - I love the dress!

ninah · 17/08/2009 17:53

tell her the man was not very well

AspasiaManos · 17/08/2009 17:54

No point ranting - he must have been mentally ill. Your poor dd, though - I'm sure she looked lovely in her little dress.

Disenchanted3 · 17/08/2009 17:54

Tell your DD its beautiful and some people are just horrid and like to make people sad!

ZZZenAgain · 17/08/2009 17:55

That's just being unnecessarily horrible, isn't it? Why go up to a little 3 year old and make any kind of nasty comment about anything? Weirdo.

hobbgoblin · 17/08/2009 17:58

You would have been well within your rights to rant at him, mentally ill or not. Whether you chose to expend the energy in this way was your call. Equally comforting to your DD probably would have been a 'some people are twats have 'difficulties'' kind of conversation.

I would have been rude in return but then I called a carpark attendant a cock down the 'press for assistance' thing last Friday.

Original poster
dilemma456 · 17/08/2009 18:00

Message withdrawn

OP posts:
Firawla · 17/08/2009 18:05

you did the right thing to comfort your dd instead she might have been more upset if you got into a big argument with the man, although clearly his remarks were horrible & totally stupid. even if you said something to him it might not have got through anyway
the dress is really nice

Original poster
dilemma456 · 17/08/2009 18:11

Message withdrawn

OP posts:
pickyvic · 17/08/2009 18:35

maybe i would have just told him he was being rude, but cant really see the point of ranting at him if your also sure he had mental health problems, what on earth would be the point? tell your dd that the man was poorly so said nasty things.

her dress is very lovely by the way!

KERALA1 · 17/08/2009 18:45

My DH had this. An old woman came up to him at a bus stop and shouted, in a loud hate filled voice "you should be ashamed". Poor man had never seen her before and was just minding his own business. He was quite upset by it even though she was obviously bonkers so you have my sympathy.

BigGobMum · 17/08/2009 18:52

Just whats wrong with people? I had similar this morning. Just got in to work and one of my first customers (male) informed me I was putting on a lot of weight. He wont be informing me again!

edam · 17/08/2009 18:55

Not much point shouting at someone who clearly isn't rational, whatever the reason.

Poor old dd, though.

screamingabdab · 17/08/2009 18:58

Very upsetting for you and your DD, but in all probability he had a mental illness or is suffering from dementia, so no, ranting at him would be unlikely to help.

Better for you DD to say to the man that he is being rude, and concentrate on comforting your DD

SoupDragon · 17/08/2009 18:58

Clearly he has some kind of SNs. Explain this to your DD and move on.

FWIW, I hate the dress but wouldn't life be dull if we all liked the same things I wouldn't go up to someone and say that though.

lljkk · 17/08/2009 19:01

Ooh, I don't really like the dress, but DD would have loved it that age (she had a thing for stripes).
I don't think you should have ranted. Just shrugged; everyone is entitled to an opinion. Bit tetched in the head that he had to say his so many times.
I would shrug it off and tell DD to do the same.

thatsnotmybelly · 17/08/2009 19:08

I think I would have wanted dd to feel defended, so while I definitely wouldn't have ranted I would have quite firmly and pleasantly said "Oh no, it's not a horrible dress at all. It is a beautiful dress and dd looks absolutely lovely in it, don't you dd" and then if possible I would have jollied her away having had the last word. I think I would want her lasting impression to be that mummy is far more of an authority on these things than random bus stop man. I would have been No-Nonsense-Mummy.

TheChilliMooseTalksNonsense · 17/08/2009 19:25

The dress is really lovely. Tell your daughter that the man wasn't well and was saying things that he didn't mean.

screamingabdab · 17/08/2009 20:32

thatsnotmybelly I like your style !

purlcity · 17/08/2009 23:32

I'm really sorry you DD had to experience this.

I am sure you are giving her loads of love and reassurance and I hope it doesn't stop her loving that dress and wanting to wear it.

I clicked on the link, saw the dress and ordered it for my DD (nearly 3), who will love it!

Thanks for that. Your daughter has taste!

shockers · 17/08/2009 23:37

My Grandmother had altzeimers and was vile to my ds and my niece the other day. I explained to them afterwards that because she was ill, the part of her brain where her manners used to be kepy had been worn away... they seemed to accept that.

thatsnotmybelly... I like your style too!!

TheChilliMooseTalksNonsense · 17/08/2009 23:51

Shockers, that reminds me about my nan (slightly dotty) talking to my nieces. She told one that she had always been beautiful, and said to the other 'but not you, you've always been ugly' And both my nieces are gorgeous!

sunnydelight · 18/08/2009 08:14

I wouild assume that any adult who repeatedly tells a small child that her dress is horrible has mental health issues and try to ignore it. I know your daughter is really young but maybe it's better to think of it as an opportunity to teach her about compassion rather than getting cross at a man who probably can't help his behvaviour.

Goblinchild · 18/08/2009 09:05

'I think I would want her lasting impression to be that mummy is far more of an authority on these things than random bus stop man.'

I loved this response.

steviesotherhalf · 18/08/2009 13:39

He sounds like a nutcase poor, silly old sod. Not that you can tell that to a 3 year old. Your poor dd. Luckily comments like that are rare. You were just unfortunate to come across that pitiful individual. Just tell your dd the man wasn't feeling very well, and he didn't mean it!