To NOT want to leave my PFB in a creche at a wedding?

[girlafraid]

Friends without children are getting married next month, they don't want kids there and are providing a creche at the venue for those who can't find babysitters (we can't)

All very good and sensible of them EXCEPT.... I don't want to leave DS in a creche where I don't know the qualifications of the staff or how many children and babies they will be looking after - am I being dreadfully U or can you see my point???

I don't think it's unreasonable to want to know who is looking after your baby, is it? That's a pretty basic requirement of parenting I would have thought. Yes of course it's fab that they have provided this but that doesn't mean that you should stick your baby in there and leave them to it. If you feel uncomfortable about it then it's your right as a parent to say no thank you and make other arrangements.

IMHO this pfb behaviour because the OP is making such a huge fuss. Either put the baby in the creche (obviously checking it out when she gets there first) or don't. Or arrange an alternative. Or don't go.

But the OP clearly doesn't trust her friends to make adequate childcare arrangements. Fine - but then don't expect them to be too chuffed when you start picking and choosing the parts of their wedding that they can attend.

I can see why the bride might be a peed off though. She's invited you, made arrangements for childcare so that you can stay for the whole time, and now you turn round and say you're not happy. Maybe someone else could have been invited in your place - guest list usually have a limit.

I don't think you can really equate this with returning to work and organising childcare.

When you go back to work, obviously you have settling in times etc, because once you're at work, you can't pop back and forth just because you're baby's unsettled. This is a creche on site - and a wedding isn't work - the parents will be free to settle the baby in, pop to and fro, basically be with their baby as much as they want, but also able to join in the wedding celebrations. I can't see the problem myself. As I said, worst case scenario is that the baby will scream blue murder and upset the other kids (which he may do if he's never ever been left anywhere with anyone!) in which case, do the wedding ceremony and then say your goodbyes.

But quite honestly it seems very negative to decide that it's all going to go tits up before you've even given it a chance. The baby may be happy as larry. This is definitely a mum being too PFB issue rather than anything to do with the child himself!

I also left DS with a childminder at 8 months, and would cheerfully leave him now with anyone that would have him but I wouldn't be inclined to use this creche for an 8 month old. How is it precious to want to know that the people caring for your baby are properly qualified?!

But then, I am not a fan of child free weddings generally...most people do say if you exclude children, you have to accept that some people won't come...it sounds as if the couple getting married have thought that they are countering this by saying, "You have no excuse, we have provided childcare, therefore it is acceptable for us to exclude children from our wedding, and you cannot not come."

The OP is still going to the ceremony (which you would think would be the one place where they wouldn't want children) so it isn't as if she is bailing on the whole wedding. And asking the people providing childcare for details of it isn't causing a huge drama either - I know people who make more fuss about arranging care for their pets!!

LOL that is true. A year ago I wouldn't leave dd with my own mother (well, almost). Now I'd give her to anyone that wanted her, for as long as they wanted

I'm with the OP on this. I would not have ben happy to leave either of my DS's in a creche where the person arranging it could not give me any details.

I think it's marvellous that the bride and groom have thought to arrange a creche, but it is very unreasonable for them to get arsy with the op who is unsure about it.
It is also unreasonable of them to be cross because the OP is not staying in the hotel. It is one thing to put something in place to make it easier for the wedding guests who want to use it, but quite another to get nasty with someone who for their own, prefectly sound reasons, chooses not to.

If they are going to be like that GA, I would tell them that in that case I can't attend at all.

Can't your baby just sleep in the pram? I don't really see why you have to miss out on the evening do (best bit in my opinion!) because of the baby's routine. (But I am a v lax mother who doesn't 'do' routine.) Little ones sleep anywhere, through any amount of noise/disco/chatter and you can relax and enjoy yourself a bit.

I'd just find out about the creche and who's going to be in charge (shouldn't be too hard to find out nor unreasonable), leave your baby there and pop in regularly to see how they're doing, and have a good time. Baby will probably have a ball, crawling round after the bigger kids.

OP, what exactly do you fear will happen to your baby in this creche? And since no-one else has asked, what does your DH think?

My baby wouldn't have slept in a pram in unfamiliar surroundings with unfamiliar people at 8 months, so I wouldn't have assumed at that age that I could comfortably leave her in a creche for the evening.

But, that's not to say you couldn't go prepared to give it a go, but leave early if it doesn't look like your DS is happy with the arrangement.

I think with first babies, especially if you don't already leave them with anyone like nursery or CM, it is daunting to leave them, not because you think something awful will happen to them, but just because you have been their primary carer 100% of their life to date and you don't know a) how they will feel being left with a stranger and b) if that stranger will do things the way you would want them done.

Once your DS is older/you have more, it gets easier, but I do remember how it felt to leave my DD at nursery for 30 mins on her own for the first time at just under a year old - heart-breaking!

Irrational, perhaps, but surely everyone can remember being there at some point?

Thank you agin for the feedback -I'm taking all the views on board

It's very difficult - I don't want to cause a hige fuss and I'm sure they have far better things to do than answer my questions but I haven't ever left him with anyone before and I do want to know what the provisions are - ie how are they going to know how many carers to provide as they haven't actually asked anyone to confirm if they require the creche
DS won't sleep in a pram there I swear, he is not the best sleeper and I have the eye bags to prove it
The hotels we could stay in are near by rather than at the venue and as we wouldn't be staying past DS bed time anyway I don't think it's teribly unreasonavle for us to go home quite honestly

After your feedback and talking to DH we decided we are actually (possibly) happy to have him in the creche (as long as we're OK with it when we get there) for a while but we won't be staying for the evening do and I'm a bit surprised they think that's unreasonable and quite frankly I very much doubt my presence or absence will make or break the evening

DH is happy to go along and check it out and see what we think on the day but wanted to discuss with the bride and groom first in case they wanted to invite someone else in our place if we don't make the meal

I am not sure how worrying about leaving a young baby with someone you have never met i.e a stranger is being pfb.

the only way you will find out is to ask your friend where/how she is getting the childcare

fwiw i do think your suggestion is a fair compromise, tho what happenes if your dc likes the creche - if you say no to food,then you wont get fed

Worst comes to worst you eat in turn with one of you taking the baby out for a stroll or sitting in the creche room while other eats. I'm sure the creche will be fine for the short periods you need and it might seem a tad ungracious to decline their offer if the alternative is that you both don't go. Can you ask to be seated near the door just in case you need to attend to him and can therefore do so discreetly.

I still think it is being PFB ,in that the baby is just in another room and you can be with him in a matter of seconds whenever you want to be!

No, YANBU. PFB or not. I wouldn't leave my kids in a creche at a wedding and they are 7.5 and 2. THey wouldn't want to be looked after by people they didn't know anyway

only been to one wedding where there was a creche. seemed horrible, cut off from the wedding. felt sorry for the children stuck in it watching some disney dvd.

babies though i'd just get a babysitter at home.

can't one of you stay for the evening do?

Hi I haven't read all the replies only the first pageand I must say I am surprised. I run a wedding creche company and when we take a booking we ask for the amount of children that has been invited and their ages. Then we send a registration form out to the wedding couple to send in invites for each child anticipated to attend along with a letter telling parents all about ourselves. We ask for a cut off date of 2 weeks before the wedding to know the exact ages of all the children attending to ensure we have the correct adult:child ratio. I am really surprised that you haven't had to confirm if your child will attend (how will they know for ratios unless they are going to overstaff it) and also that you have been given no further info. Does the creche company the bride and groom are using have a website? we make sure that all our details are on the letter we send out so parents can not only visit our website but also email or phone with any further questions they may have. I am also surprised by the people that have used wedding creches and said that the children were sat in front of a dvd, maybe we are making life hard for ourselves with the party games, craft and large amount of toys we take. I would say if you are going to use the creche check that the staff have experience, insurance and first aid!

No way.

DH went to one a few months ago and children (and toddlers) were wandering in and out of the creche, (handily pitched near a river...) without anyone really noticing.

He ended up mentioning it to the bride. He is the type of man who walks into a room and before doing anything, identifies the emergency exit, though.. so risk assessment is his specialised subject.

I had a magician at my wedding-all the DCs went off to another room -it was only for the speeches and I can see from the photos that they all really enjoyed it-the speeches would have meant total boredom for them all. One DC wasn't keen so his father went with him. It wasn't a problem.
A 7 yr old is either in the junior school or about to go. I am sure they can cope with being in a different room from their parents, but knowing that they can get to them at any time. The 7 yr old is plenty old enough to look after the 2 yr old.
If the bride has been thoughtful enough to provide a creche I think the only option, if you can't bring yourself to use it, is to find babysitters at home and leave them ,or not go. I don't think it is reasonable to say 'I am coming but I don't trust you to arrange responsible cover for my DCs so they will be with me at all times'! My friends and family knew me well enough to know that I wasn't going to provide sub standard child care!

I suspect Bride & Groom are also a bit - not unreasonably - disappointed that they won't be able to enjoy your company at the wedding.

I was a terribly clingy mum with my PFB and went to a couple of weddings when he was about 8 months. Left him with my cousins (and 3 kids) and my best friend. Still worried my head off, but it was fantastic to be able to have a bit of a boogie, convesration with friends etc without being disturbed.

When DS2 was about 8 months I went to another wedding where creche was laid on for ceremony only. Left him there for the half hour with big brother aged 2. They had a great time, I concentrated on the wedding. Then the crap started, creche over. I had to sit through a meal with my kids either side of me, no chance to gossip, put DS2 to sleep in pram practically on the dancefloor, DS1 wouldn't go to sleep at all because he was boogying. Bless!

Please please stay for the meal - it might go brilliantly. Also, your friends may relax about the presence of one baby if yours is having a crap time. In the complications of the runup to the wedding they are most likely to be stressing about the tiniest details. Once the day's started, they'll be fine!

i wouldn't want to plan to leave ds1 and 2 in a creche for the duration of a wedding, photos,meal and evening do... i think they would find it very odd to be left somewhere strange, with strangers, for that long.
I can see why people don't want babies/toddlers to be in the service or meal, that's their choice (can just imagine ds2 proudly announcing a "botty burp" mid-vows...). And I agree that people who don't immediately leave the service or speeches if a toddler or baby is crying or loud are being very inconsiderate. But i wish it could "here's a room with toys, please bring your child here if they are not behaving nicely"...
I've taken the ds to lots of weddings and we usually try to stay at the venue. If not, I take the ds away at bedtime and DH stays on at the evening do. They've always been expected at the meal and I bring loads of toys to keep them busy through it.

I would be very surprised if it was operational for everything including the evening do-surely not?
I only had mine for the speeches-I think the ceremony is nice for them to see and they ate with parents. However-since parents can have access to them at all times I don't see a problem. I'm sure the evening would be much more relaxed anyway.