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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be planning a 3rd baby while living in a 2 bed house??

27 replies

booboobunny · 13/08/2009 12:17

folk seem to be outraged at this....my sil in particular can't believe i'd even consider it.

we currently live in a standard 2 up 2 down +extension in london, with 2 pre-school children. i would really love another baby and as i hit 40 this year (boohoohoo) and my mother had the menopause at 43 i am aware that the clock is really ticking for me. we had hoped to move this year, but the property market has done for us, especially as my husbands job is quite heavily linked to property, so we also have that worry.

at the moment my (just) 3 year old girl and 21 month old boy share the 2nd bedroom and i figure a baby could be in our bedroom for the first year anyway, so it wouldn't be a disaster. yes, the house is small, but we could declutter and are currently having work done to maximise the space we have. is it really so ludicrous to consider this. i really don't feel i have hte luxury of time to sit back and wait for the market to improve enough for us to sell our house. the husband wouldn't consider renting ours out and renting a larger one either....

i'd be interested to know what others think....

OP posts:
gingernutlover · 13/08/2009 12:21

YANBU - its up to you

good luck if you decide to go for it

randomtask · 13/08/2009 12:26

I was the third child in a three bed but until I was about 7, shared with both my brother and sister (parents didn't have the money to sort the third bedroom). It was absolutely fine and I think it's up to you.

Only thing I would say is, if you're worried about money you don't necessarily want the stress of pregnancy and another mouth to feed, but it's up to you.

I think people just have an 'ideal' in their mind and are shocked when others don't agree with it.

rostbeef · 13/08/2009 12:27

Do what you want - its up to you. Plenty of people have far less space and if you and your husband are happy then why the hell not!

nearlybeans · 13/08/2009 12:37

I can't believe this is even an issue - of course YANBU!

GoldenSnitch · 13/08/2009 12:39

My MIL is outraged that we are having a 2nd baby in a 3 bed as it means (horror of horrors) someone will be sleeping in the box room!!

Ignore them. The kids won't mind squishing in while theyre small and you (and we) can move when the housing market cheers up. You've got a good few years before they're all tweenagers demanding thier own space.

If it's what you want - go for it

elmofan · 13/08/2009 12:40

i think you should go for it , if your dh is in agreement then who cares what other people think , my dh slept in a room with three of his brothers , they had two sets of bunk beds . gd luck

GoldenSnitch · 13/08/2009 12:40

And - I shared a(n admitedly large) room with my 2 sisters for a good chunk of my childhood and it did me no harm.

Creating individual zones was the answer

sdr · 13/08/2009 12:41

I wouldn't worry about the space - we found sharing only became an issue when the oldest started Secondary. So you have plenty of time. Think that your fertility timeclock is more important at the moment.

chocolatefudgebrownie · 13/08/2009 12:47

I'm in a similar postion. We have a two bed and can't afford to move. Would love a 3rd dc, which means all dc's sharing. I don't think it's a problem if your dh agrees.

GypsyMoth · 13/08/2009 12:48

i have 5 kids in a small 3 bed.....and 2 of them are teenagers!!

it can be done. i'm minimalist anyway,so not much clutter here.

why wait when you're 40......i had my last at 39 as i knew time was ticking too.

Flamesparrow · 13/08/2009 12:49

I'm preg with the 3rd in a 2 bed house.

Our place is rented, so we will probably end up moving about this time next year ( I love my house).

DD is 6, I think I have another couple of years before she has an issue sharing with DS.

Go for it.

Original poster
booboobunny · 13/08/2009 13:19

oh i hadn't planned to wait till i was 40, but had to wait to get an operation out of the way, then lots of uncertainty about my job, which is now resolved, so i am getting the ovulation sticks out and away i go. i just hate the shock on folks face when they hear i am even planning a 3rd and not intending to move just yet!! tbh they were the same with my 2nd. especially my sil, again....i shared till i was 14 and my brothers shared till they left home, so it doesn't seem that awful to me (i was quite scared of the dark, so didn't mind in the least!!!), maybe this is what makes me think it's actually OK. so glad so many folk agree with me......

OP posts:
mel1981 · 13/08/2009 13:29

Ive just had DS3 and im in a 2 bed. bearing in mind they are all boys though. But I dont see it as a problem either way.
Im in a council house and everyones 1stquestion when they found out im pregnant was ' does that mean you'll get a 3 bed house when you have him?' yeah cause thats the only reason I had a baby and thats the most thing!!!! I could easily cope with 3 in one room while DS3 is still in a cot....after that there will be problems.

SpookyMadMummy · 13/08/2009 13:30

I have 3 children in a 2 bed house. Its not unusual.

pinkmagic1 · 13/08/2009 13:39

It dosn't really matter while they are all small, at this stage they only really use their rooms to sleep. If you really dont feel complete without another baby you should go for it while you still can. You can move house in the future but it may be to late for another baby if you follow in your mums footsteps.

kanga5 · 13/08/2009 14:04

we have 5 children in a 3 bed garden flat, aged 4 mth to 8 years. it is fine esp as 3 are at school too.

we would hope to get bigger house too one day, and i think sdr is spot on with biological clock expiring before need for big house!

it is also great way to keep clutter to a minimum as there simply isn't room.

good luck

Seona1973 · 13/08/2009 14:18

my sister is just about to move from her 2 bed house into a 3 bed as she has 3 kids in 1 room - 1 girl (age 10) and 2 boys (age 6 and 4). They have bunk beds and a high sleeper bed. She was on the council list to get a bigger house but didnt have enough points even though she will be classed as overcrowded - when her dd turns 11 she shouldnt be sharing with her brothers anyway. Her and her partner have had to get a private rented house instead as she could be on the council housing list for years!

LetThemEatCake · 13/08/2009 15:11

I fell pregnant with dc3 while living in a 2-bed (London, Victorian, maisonette type thing - had private garden which was a bonus!!)

The 2 dcs were already sharing a room and I've had each baby in with us until 10 months to a year old, so didn't really see the issue in staying where we were .. the only thing that made it a problem was no parking and the fact that dh and I both run our businesses from home ... so our living space was work, kids, adults, food, tv, the lot. Not productive nor relaxing.

Crap time to sell so we have rented our place out and are renting a much bigger 3-bed with parking and garden. There's not much shortfall between what we're getting on or property and what we're paying on this one, and will be none once we remortgage & our interest rate goes down next month.

It's been the best thing we could have done, we're really happy here and dc3 is due in 6 weeks.

I say go for it. you're at the mercy of time and nature when it comes to babies (sounds morbid, but you know what I mean) Everything else can be sorted.

Good luck.

FedUpWithRainyDevon · 13/08/2009 15:19

Don't talk to anyone else about your plans! If it's what you both want then no-one else is involved in the planning, and will just have to accept it when/if the time comes.

I used to be very open with parents and in-laws but have learnt through bitter experience to keep shtum if I don't want to hear someone disagreeing with me!

Good luck x

pagwatch · 13/08/2009 15:27

I grew up in a three bedroomed terraced house. I was one of EIGHT children. It was fabuolus.
( and actually then my grandfather came to live with us)

Would you like me to email your SIL

wastingmyejumication · 13/08/2009 15:45

DH doesn't want DC 2 in a 2 bed!
Him and his sister always had their own room though, so I guess a person's own experience will have a bearing on their view.

sleeplessinstretford · 13/08/2009 15:59

i have five sisters so there were 8 of us in a one bathroomed,3 bedroomed house all my life.
and for the summer all fucking 8 of us spent holidays in either a static caravan,our tourer caravan or in a trailer tent...

BramblyHedge · 13/08/2009 16:02

I live in a 2 up 2 down and while I am happy with just 2 kids, I wouldn't let that stop me if I wanted a 3rd. It is cosy as it is but according to the 1871 census 8 people used to live here

whomovedmychocolate · 13/08/2009 16:34

Doesn't it make a huge amount of difference the age gaps. If you had a child of 14 and two of 1 and 2, then logically by the time it was a problem, one would have gone to uni/moved out?

My parents raised four of us in a three bed - they extended to the nth degree and now rattle around a six bedroom house full of clutter. That way lies madness!

I think there is an issue when they get to their teens and demand 'space to wank think' But who knows where any of us will be in a decade's time?

shinyshoes · 13/08/2009 16:36

The are 5 of us in a 2 bed.

the baby girl (20 months) is in wih us.

The 2 boys 8 and 12 are in the other room.

She will move in with them in their room eventually.
Absolutely no probs here.