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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

in objecting to hearing my neighbours shagging in their dining room

85 replies

Honeymum · 09/08/2009 23:30

We often hear our neighbours having sex. It's horrible - they both make so much noise it's like a porn film audition. We don't get on, at all (long story) and we find them generally quite inconsiderate noise wise. Their doors and windows are always wide open, all weathers, and we can hear everything - pots and pans clattering, singing (him, loudly and badly), loud music. And she smokes skunk in the garden of an afternoon....Relations between us all are strained to say the least but there have been no rows since a dispute last summer...
On Friday they got back from the pub at 7.15 pm(I think), closed the curtains in the dining room adjacent to our back door (tis a terraced house - we are v close together at the back with kitchen windows facing across a small divided yard) and proceeded to shag loudly. We were in the garden - though not our kids thankfully. AIBU to think that this is not on??

OP posts:
hippipotamiHasLost55lbs · 10/08/2009 18:25

My mind is still trying to come up with possible scenarios which would warrant the 'can I take it out now'...
[must find something more constructive to do]

MmeLindt · 10/08/2009 18:30

We once camped next to a very vigourous Italian couple. "Si, si, si, siiiiiiii" and then he roared like a lion.

We did tell them to shut up on the second night.

Blondeshavemorefun · 10/08/2009 18:34

OMG

could this be me

we did this friday

though no skunk!!

and like to think we get on with our neighbours .......

ridingjoker · 10/08/2009 18:52

this thread reminds me of a prticularly fun encounter on a farm house table in with a gorgeous tanned foreign fella

Original poster
Honeymum · 10/08/2009 18:57

I am inclined to put "Nobody does it better" onto my ipod and play it loudly when they next appear in the garden. And yes, it was LOUD and right NEXT TO my back door. It was ewwwwwwwwwww. My sister had to have a shower afterwards!!

OP posts:
curiositykilled · 10/08/2009 19:00

hmm... I think I'd be WAAAAY more bothered about the smoking skunk. My DCs are aware people have sex. Think I'd struggle allowing them to breathe in skunk smoke and having it forced on me tbh.

kittymax · 10/08/2009 19:10

I'd be tempted to send a dc knocking at their door to ask "Can I please have my balls back?" Obviously, I would have to accidentally toss the balls over the fence before I sent dc over. But then I'd feel guilty cos being interrupted when you're busy doing something is reallllly annoying.

I'd be tempted to play certain songs though, in fact, I would def play certain songs. I'd prob shout something, but then my partner would tell me off!

What other songs you gonna put on your pod honey? Didn't Prince do a naughty one?

footinmouth · 10/08/2009 19:37

I remember a few years ago when me and my very ex-partner were getting 'busy' one sunny afternoon.

Later on that evening whilst I was being more civilised and having a meal with my then boyfriend and 3 children, my next door neighbour walked in and said in front of us all 'I could hear you and ** having sex earlier'. She then walked out, seriously

I was both angry and embarrassed at the time. It makes me chuckle now though

DollyPS · 10/08/2009 20:04

Cant be any worse than catching your mother and step father at it when I was 17. I went straight back out the door and went to the pub and got sloshed big time as it gave me nightmares thats for sure.

Also when living in flats why did my neighbours have to be so bloody loud or was it to show off they where actually getting some action when I wasnt.

Or when I was walking past the pub and they rented out the flat next door and the couple left the window open for all to hear them. They got a round of applause for it though tehe.

Seabright · 10/08/2009 20:32

I think I'd be tempted to stand near the boundary and shout "DH, can you shut the windows, the neighbours are shagging, AGAIN". That should do it.

ilovesprouts · 10/08/2009 20:37

rofl dh is looking at me strange as im laughing

Hormonesnomore · 10/08/2009 20:38

I used to live next door to a 'screamer'. I thought at first she was being attacked till I realised what was really going on. I had to say something to her though (couldn't hear the telly some nights for it) and she apologised profusely - v. embarrassing for both of us.

Original poster
Honeymum · 10/08/2009 20:50

I'm so proud that my thread has taken off!!
Any suggestions for music we could play gratefully accepted. I'm hoping to move soon so we could have some fun with this

OP posts:
Sidge · 10/08/2009 20:55

Call 999 and report someone being horrendously murdered next door. Then wait in the street, point the paramedics/police in the direction of their open door and stand back and enjoy their humiliation

Well don't really, as that would obviously be a gross misuse of the emergency system, but how funny would that be?!

PuppyLoves · 10/08/2009 20:58

How on earth did you bring that subject up Hormonesnomore?

footinmouth · 10/08/2009 20:58

Any suggestions?

Yeah, a song I think Timberland sang, called 'Scream' It mimics women orgasming in the chorus.

Lyrics are something like 'Scream at the top of your lungs, everybody's feeling right'

Hopefully, they'll get the message

Tidey · 10/08/2009 21:02

Cars that drive past my house at night with the bass turned up on the stereo. Sounds like

(approaching)'doof doof doof
(right outside)DOOF DOOF DOOF
(getting further away) doof doof doof...'

At least I think it's car stereos, either that or some pillock with a large drum practising marching outside.

Tidey · 10/08/2009 21:03

I posted that on the wrong thread, that was for the things that annoy you irrationally. Still, people could shag to that beat too.

kittymax · 10/08/2009 21:12

I think the Prince one goes something like
"Get off, 52 positions and a one night stand, get off, something something something, let a woman be a woman and a man be a man"

Or there's "I'm horny, horny, horny, horny"

Or "I wanna have sex on the beach, come on move your body"

Depeche Mode did a wicked song called Master and Servant (one of my faves), I recommend also downloading discovering the lyrics

For best effect, play loud and sing it louder (speakers may need repositioning)

footinmouth · 10/08/2009 21:20

Play James Brown, sex machine..

MuppetsMuggle · 10/08/2009 21:36

I've heard my mum & dad at it when I was younger, I just told mum the next morning I didn't appreciate the headboard banging all night as I couldn't get any sleep lol. Mum looked mortified

heard my sister & her fiance at it too when they first got together and they insisited it was the new bed she had just brought (this was when we all lived at the rents)

I would either turn some music on or get jiggy with it too

kittymax · 10/08/2009 21:38

Or Marvyn Gaye's Sexual Healing, and Toni Braxton did a sexy one, think it was called High.

Don't forget to update us on the findings of your research. Please state:

  1. whether the frequency of events decreased or increased
  2. whether the loudness (that's not a word is it) decreased or increased, and by how many decibels (estimate)
  3. whether dh requested some in house training to see if that had any bearing on events
  4. which song/activity had the greater overall effect (you could give each a mark out of ten)
ridingjoker · 10/08/2009 21:57

oh my what a video as well

Crablass · 10/08/2009 22:13

I had a neighbor who used to "entertain" enthusiastically, a variety of partners at all hours of the day.

Bagpipes on a loop played at volume whilst I was out did the trick.

thederkinsdame · 10/08/2009 23:04

We had was an older neighbour (think late 50s really really unpleasant in presonality and looks). Every Sunday at precisely 2pm a woman would arrive. Five minutes later he would be screaming. There was definitely a lot of pain involved IYSWIM. She was never there at any other time and left an hour later. He was so loud you could hear him in the car park which was about 30 feet from our block. Defo a prostitute. For 18 months we had to leave our flat at 1 ish every Sunday cos we couldn't stand listening to it.