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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to tell my friend her ds is too old for a pushchair

112 replies

pinkington · 09/08/2009 18:50

My freind takes her ds out in a pushchair where ever they go - including to school. The child is 6 in October and heading into year 1 - they live about 10 minutes walk from school and he can barely fit in it. I told her I thought she should reconsider using a pushchair as I thought the kids might tease him, she is highly offended AIBU?

OP posts:
proverbial · 09/08/2009 19:55

Mind your own business. The list of things that people do with their children that others feel the need to comment on is both long and bizarre.

RumourOfAHurricane · 09/08/2009 20:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Dawnybabe · 09/08/2009 20:08

Every child in the world would be strapped down if we couldn't make them learn how to be safe and responsible for themselves. How old will he be before he's out of the pushchair?

MollieO · 09/08/2009 20:10

I assume there must be a reason. I turfed ds out of his puschairs when he was under 2.5 and after I'd taken a pushchair longhaul and only used it to change terminals!

It is amazing what friends do with their children but I doubt I would say anything. If there are no SN then I feel sorry for the child as he will be teased mercilessly by the other children at school.

juuule · 09/08/2009 20:11

Maybe next week?

He'll learn to be safe in his own time.
Probably when he wants to walk and he's told he'll have to go in the pushchair if he doesn't be sensible.

motherbeyond · 09/08/2009 20:13

it depends how close you are tbh...don't think i would be able to keep it buttoned if it was someone i knew well,but then im a right intefering bint

poor kid will be teased mercilessly.

what's wrong with holding hands if he's a "runner" by the way?
i sometimes let my ds (18months) walk around but i have a firm grip of his hand/wrist as he's a bit unpredictable and can suddenly break into a gallop without warning!

Mintyy · 09/08/2009 20:13

I would make a comment about this to a very good friend of mine, but not to a mere acquaintance.

Am amazed at people saying its ok .

It might come across as judgey but, honestly, sometimes it is better to pipe up than keep zipped, especially if it is someone very close to you who you care about.

HecatesTwopenceworth · 09/08/2009 20:14

Unless she asked you for your opinion, YABU. I think it's daft of course but if he's not objecting then it's her own problem.

He'll show up there in his pushchair the first day and be laughed at and never go in it again.

ReneRusso · 09/08/2009 20:17

YANBU, if it's a close friend then it was fair enough to say something. Tactfully I hope.

MaggieBeauVirgo · 09/08/2009 20:20

I wouldn't say anything. If he was being dropped in the car, nobody would say anything.

Both my children needed buggies for a long time. DC1, I used to bring her to school (well over a mile) in the buggy and it was quicker in the morning. Roundtrip of over 2 miles for me each morning and afternoon, so I really needed each journey to take no longer than an hour.

My son is the same age now and still in a buggy, he won't walk. He just won't. But he did EVERYTHING late. He does everything eventually in his own time, toilet training, speaking, walking. It would be stupid to try and force him to walk long distances because some body else (who doesn't know him) thinks it's weird. That would be bad parenting, to try and force my child to fit the cookie cutter of a stranger.. iykwim.

People whose children are 'text book' think that it's down to their excellent, superb parenting skills. well, it's not, it's pot luck most of the tiem.

katiestar · 09/08/2009 20:23

YABVU.If they are both happy with it then I don't see what business of yours it is.I know people who live 10 minutes away and kids travel in the car.Not really any diffrent is it ?

MaggieBeauVirgo · 09/08/2009 20:27

Exactly katiestar, travelling very short journeys by car is the norm, nobody even questions that or judges this. AT least this boy is getting some fresh air.

Both of my two are very, very active now. But with Dc1, I practically ran with the buggy (her school started very early on top of being over a mile away). When I speedwalked with her in the buggy it still took 28 minutes. I'm certain people thought, "four and a half years old in a buggy!!!!!!!!" as they drove past me in their quashqais and rav4s

Tidey · 09/08/2009 20:28

If he has no SN, I don't see what this running off debate has to do with it. By the age of 5/6 shouldn't children at least have some idea that roads are dangerous and that they must hold hands to cross?

LynetteScavo · 09/08/2009 20:29

YABU - they're not hurting anyone. My DS has travelled to school by pushchair at that age, although he did get out before we reached the playground as he didn't want his friends to see him.

I prefered him in the P&T than on his scooter next to road with speeding cars or us sitting in the car to drive round the corner.

PavlovtheForgetfulCat · 09/08/2009 20:31

None of your business. YABU.

Mintyy · 09/08/2009 20:39

Maggie, trust me, I am deeply judgey about parents driving their nt children to school when I know very well they live less than 15 minutes walk away.

P.S. Not the ones who then drive on to work, before I get jumped on.

Goblinchild · 09/08/2009 20:39

'If he has no SN, I don't see what this running off debate has to do with it.'

Didn't know my son had SN when he was 6.
Did have a lot of opinions offered about my parenting and lifestyle/work choices when my children were small, but that's what you get if you're a hippy in chavtown.
If he gets laughed at and chooses to walk instead of ride, that will solve the 'problem' surely? Is the OP bothered that her friend is offended, or that her words of wisdom were ignored?

pushmepullyou · 09/08/2009 20:40

YANBU, but tbh I suspect the problem will sort itself out soon enough. My DH apparently refused to walk anywhere until the age of 6 when the wheels fell off his pushchair on the way top school one day . He then begged for a new pushchair and had the mother of all tantrums for a week when the answer was no!!

Mumcentreplus · 09/08/2009 20:43

...eventually he will have to put foot to pavement..my DD2 wouldn't then one day she just had to because I didn't bring the push-chair..a few times DH had to bring her the last few legs home piggy back style ..then eventually she didn't want push-chair anymore..

I know she's close to you and you care ..but she wont thank you for it so leave her be every family is weird different.

I do myself at parents who live 5/10mins away and don't walk..but hey thats my judgey moment..none of my beeswax tbh

CloudDragon · 09/08/2009 20:57

Don't say anything, but it is a bit sad that she can't make him/be bothered to make him walk.

It's hardly far, my 2 year old walks 15 minutes both ways to take DS1 to nursery school.

cancantcan · 09/08/2009 21:25

YANBU to think its a bit odd, but YAB a bit U to say something - from her response I suspect its a sore point and one that will get sorted in its own sweet time.
I confess my DD is 3 and still in a buggy if we have to walk more than half a mile, or have a deadline, like the school run. Also, round town as she is a demon in the shops. I got heartily sick of my mother telling me she should be on reins/hand holding by now, so one day I took my mum and DD shopping without the buggy. Needless to say she now asks with a note of panic in her voice "you have got the pushchair havent you?"

thisisyesterday · 09/08/2009 21:32

oh ffs, does it really matter?

if she is happy and he is happy it's fine. he isn't going to use it forever, and if he gets teased he'll stop.

i too would be offended at a "friend" telling me how i ought to parent my child. esp if what i was doing was something as mundane as this

i assume op, that you are the perfect parent in every way yes?

hatesponge · 09/08/2009 21:49

I think if she asks for an opinion, you can say something, but I wouldnt otherwise. why worry if they're all happy with it?

DS2 often used to ask our old c/m if he could get in the buggy on the walk home from school in reception/year 1 - meaning the 3 year old she also used to mind would have to walk! he is 8 now & I know he would probably still do it now but for the fact our new c/m doesnt have a buggy he can go in!

Original poster
pinkington · 09/08/2009 21:51

Not a perfect parent at all, never claimed to be, she is a close friend and we are open and honest with each other. I suppose I just think she needs to tackle the issue of him walking, he is nearly 6 and is able to walk I am not surprised at people saying i am bu for saying something but I am really surprised at the number of people who think it is ok to take a nearly 6 yr old to school in a pushchair

OP posts:
StinkyFart · 09/08/2009 21:52

beak out OP