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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be boiling mad at another mum who keeps blowing me out???

29 replies

rubyroo · 08/08/2009 20:27

i have to vent somewhere safely!!! this has been going on for ages and today was just the last straw our dd's are very close and i keep arranging playdates that she keeps cancelling today with only 30mins notice!! i had cooked tea for the kids and my dd was inconsolable!! i think she was having a playdate somewhere else before and just decided she couldn't be bothered keeping to ours!! but i see her with other mums and she can't do enough for them she's only like this with me!!! our dd's are only 5 but they've known each other through childminder since they were babies and i've run out of excuses to give my dd why her firend doesn't come!! any advice words of wisdom?? my blood is boiling!!!

OP posts:
Dior · 08/08/2009 20:31

It sounds as if she doesn't want to spend time with you. Sad, but I would stop arranging things with her.

thisisyesterday · 08/08/2009 20:32

my words of wisdon are "drop her"

she clearly can't be arsed, and there really is no point in letting her keep upset your dd.
just don't bother, find other friends who are actually friends

Spidermama · 08/08/2009 20:33

Yep. Stop trying with her and find some other people more worthy of yours and your dd's hospitality.

Original poster
rubyroo · 08/08/2009 20:37

i would gladly as i think her kid is a little brat and i have nothing in common with her at all except our kids are best friends and in the same class at school and dd knows she goes to other poeples houses so wants her to come to ours!! i've tried to promote other friendships etc but we live in a small town and they go to all the ame stuff as us!!

OP posts:
HecatesTwopenceworth · 08/08/2009 20:39

Agree with dior. Sad but you can't get on with everyone and if she is consistently choosing the company of others over you, that's a pretty clear message! Now that's not to say there's anything wrong with you - but that's life.

Perhaps stop inviting the child and then your dd won't be disappointed. Keep the friendship a school one only.

Original poster
rubyroo · 08/08/2009 20:40

i actually felt like going round there today and having it out with her she was all over us until about a year ago she used to ring up every day nearly and then suddenly all this began?

OP posts:
HecatesTwopenceworth · 08/08/2009 20:41

x-post. that's the sort of thing I meant. she probably feels that too. carry on promoting other friendships, it'll pay off.

Original poster
rubyroo · 08/08/2009 20:42

i know you are all right i just needed to get it off my chest!!!

OP posts:
TheChilliMooseisReading · 08/08/2009 20:42

It's sad for your children if they got on well and enjoyed playing with each other, but there's no point arranging things if she isn't going to turn up.

HecatesTwopenceworth · 08/08/2009 20:42

erm. by she probably feels that too, I meant that you have nothing in common, not that your child's a brat.

Original poster
rubyroo · 08/08/2009 20:45

i actually find the whole playdate school mum thing quite stressful i don't seem to have much in common with the other mums and i'm starting to feel like i made the wrong decision coming to live here i can't stand the whole competitive thing about kids

OP posts:
HecatesTwopenceworth · 08/08/2009 20:50

where do you live?

rubyroo · 08/08/2009 20:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Silver1 · 08/08/2009 21:00

YANBU to want to boil her in oil because she keeps upsetting your daughter but is there any way you might have inadvertenly offended her?

I'd grab the bull by the horns and ask her straight out what has happened. But I am quite a direct person, I know it's not everyone's style.

It sounds like an awful situation to be in.

HecatesTwopenceworth · 08/08/2009 21:02

What a coincidence. I live near Sheffield. West of it? I dunno, my sense of direction is awful

Just see school as school and keep the rest of your life outside it.

slowreadingprogress · 08/08/2009 21:38

I think you're being a bit hyper about this if I may say so. You know she's unreliable, so stop the invitations and thus stop your dd being open to hurt feelings.

The girls can see each other every single day at school

Let them have their friendship independent of mums and then there's no prob for anyone.

GodzillasBumcheek · 08/08/2009 22:04
proverbial · 08/08/2009 22:44

Don't invite her again, she's rude. And lay off the exclamation mark!!!

2rebecca · 08/08/2009 23:04

I find the whole play date concept strange. My kids just had local kids round to play and they went round other kids houses. It wasn't a big deal or a "date" or anything. They'd just ask if they could invite a kid round after tea or for tea and me or their dad would say yes or no. Similarly they'd often ask to go out and play with other kids. Usually the kids arranged it and phoned each other. When they were too young to just play out I'd take them to the playpark and they'd find friends there.
I'd stop inviting this child round if she or her mum aren't bothered. I've rarely had kids cancel coming round, but then we don't arrange "dates" ages in advance. It all sounds very formal. I feel a bit sorry for the other kid who sounds as though she has an overactive social life for a small kid with all these arranged dates, esp if sometimes 2 in 1 day.

SilverStuddedBlue · 08/08/2009 23:13

YANBU. Playdates are v important to my 5yo dd too. I find organising them stressful, and easily feel rejected. It sounds like the other mum takes your friendship for granted? Do try to chat amicably. Be apologetic? Ask if something you or dd did has upset them. Explain your dd's feelings. I think this is more about their friendship than the adult relationship so it's worth trying to make it work. At least until the girls have established a wider circle of friends.
The children are quite flexible, but sensitive ones are as easily hurt by apparent rejection (they are aware of who has playdates with who). How does her dd feel?
I know of a mother actually saying to another mother that she didn't want her dd to play with her daughter, but it's blown over a few months later and play dates have resumed. Good luck - persevere (tactfully)

FairyMum · 08/08/2009 23:22

I am in exactly the same situation. I would be so happy never to bother with the mum of DS1's best friend ever again. But have to think og ds1 and keep calling and trying to arrange...aaaargh.

Original poster
rubyroo · 10/08/2009 18:27

thanks everyone who replied am feeling that i will knock it on the head with this mum and not invite her anymore or if she floats ideas of meeting up just be noncommittal. i think i was being overprotective mummy really but it was great to get it out here

OP posts:
junglist1 · 10/08/2009 19:26

What an ignorant bitch. What'll happen now is when she sees you with other friends she'll try and be all over you like a rash again, I've seen this type loads of times. And you're not overprotective, just have the decency she's lacking

TheChilliMooseSpeakstheTruth · 11/08/2009 10:08

Superbly said, junglist1.

AramintaCane · 11/08/2009 10:14

Very very rude arrange as much as you can with other people. She is obviously not worth it.