to be offended by message from my aunt.

[puffling]

I have just recently been down to stay with my aunt who lives by the coast. I always go alone with dd as dp can't abide my aunt! This is a bit awkward, but I make excuses for him e.g. he's busy with work.
In a few weeks time, my aunt will be away. so I thought I'd ask her if myself and dd could use her house for a few days as the weather's been so bad here and dd loves it there. When I asked, I apologised if it seemed a 'cheeky' request and would be fine if she preferred we didn't go. She said she'd chat to her husband and get back to me.
Anyway she has replied saying:
'Hubby and I have discussed your request (!) and feel we will be happy to let you and dd stay here for a few days while we are away. We would like to stipulate, however, that only you 2 stay in the house.'

I guess she thought I planned to go with dp without telling her and thought well if he doesn't come when we're here, he's not coming when we're not. I wasn't planning to go with dp, and if he did go, the neighbours would see him!
I'm so shocked by her response, I feel angry.I'm not repsonsible for dp and don't feel I deserved such a strange reply.
Apologies for long post. Am I unreasonable, and what should I reply?

puffling, do you think your aunt's dh maybe didn't want you using the house? Maybe your aunt and he disagreed about it, and finally agreed that it would be ok if only you and dd were there, and that explains the unexpected tone of her message?

She's not annoyed with you in my opinion...she maybe thought you would like to take a friend or two with you. Texts can be taken out of context I suggest you ring her and say thats fantastic that me and dd can use your house, thanks so much!

yabu - texting is always tricky.

i think aunt obviously displeased with dp

totally happy with puffling and dd but contemptuous towards dp and wants it 'known'

therefore sniffy

at sniffy. haha

This is like chinese whispers. My aunt and I don't text each other. Neither did I e mail her. I phoned and asked her. She responded by e mail.

NotanOtter - are you my aunt?
I think you surmise is probably the right one.

puffling, are you rather gratified that you have sparked so much interest and speculation on MN, or deeply regretting you ever asked our opinion?

YABU. Your Dh has been very rude to her by avoiding her all the time.

mumeeee how do you know?

none of us know why...do you get on with everyone in yours and your partners family?

YANBU,

The whole getting back to you , and stipulating who goes , and who doesn't. It doesn't really sound like a welcome invite to me. You're a family !

Hester. I'm very gratified that my travels without my aunt have provided a mild diversion to various mumsnetters today.

NotanOtter I just think it's rude delebratly avoiding someone. Yes I do get on with everyone in mine and my parteners family. Well most of the time anyway.

i am glad mumee and wish it were always so

my life and dps have been less lucky and there are lots of people we do not speak to

Ah, thank you puffling for coming back to clarify the situation vis a vis your Dh/aunt/general loathing of.

Your background story sheds more light on the subject.

Rather than some bright young thing living a life of luxury and careless ease beside the seaside, your aunt (or indeed her 'hubby') are in fact rather more elderly than at first appeared. In which case, it probably is a big deal (on her hubby's part at least) to loan you the house while they are away.

If my parents are anything to go by, preparing for a holiday means packing the suitcases a week before, deep cleaning the whole house from top to bottom, going back at least 4 times to check the oven is off/windows locked/smoke alarm activated...

I think the stilted reply reflects their anxieties about leaving the house in a way that is not usual for them.

In which case, I would just reply "Thank you so much! It will just be DD and me. As usual."

Yes you're right merrylegs. Going away for them will be exactly as you describe.

By the way. I inserted hubby for his name so anyone chortling about my aunt's name for her 'hubby' can direct their chortlement at me!

This sounds perfectly fair to me.

Completely agree with Merrylegs.

Puffling - it is very difficult for you when 2 people who are close to you can't get on.
I don't think there is any evidence that she necessarily meant your DP.It sounds as though perhaps she had to talk round her own DH and it is he that is laying down the rules not wanting people he doesn't know trampling all over his house.I think it is actually very kind of them to let you stay there and they obviously trust you and are very fond of you.

YABU

YANBU. She was rude and imo wrong to make such a rude request

We have sorted it out! I told her how I'd taken the message. She had not meant it to come across as it did. She'd been concerned my sister and her children might come to collect us and stay over and thought the house wasn't big enough to accomodate us all. I'm still welcome to stay and all's well that ends well.

That's good news puffling! Enjoy your week away!