to be offended by message from my aunt.

[puffling]

I have just recently been down to stay with my aunt who lives by the coast. I always go alone with dd as dp can't abide my aunt! This is a bit awkward, but I make excuses for him e.g. he's busy with work.
In a few weeks time, my aunt will be away. so I thought I'd ask her if myself and dd could use her house for a few days as the weather's been so bad here and dd loves it there. When I asked, I apologised if it seemed a 'cheeky' request and would be fine if she preferred we didn't go. She said she'd chat to her husband and get back to me.
Anyway she has replied saying:
'Hubby and I have discussed your request (!) and feel we will be happy to let you and dd stay here for a few days while we are away. We would like to stipulate, however, that only you 2 stay in the house.'

I guess she thought I planned to go with dp without telling her and thought well if he doesn't come when we're here, he's not coming when we're not. I wasn't planning to go with dp, and if he did go, the neighbours would see him!
I'm so shocked by her response, I feel angry.I'm not repsonsible for dp and don't feel I deserved such a strange reply.
Apologies for long post. Am I unreasonable, and what should I reply?

and forget about the original holiday request, you need to rebuild the relationships here.

Puffing- YABU and maybe a bit paranoid? I think you have asked nicely and gotten back a postive reply from your aunt. I would bear in mind that IF your aunt is not in the habit of laoning out her house, this could be a big deal for her and she probably striuggled with letting you know that she didnt want any other guests. I would cut her some slack, it is obvious that you would not
abuse her house, but perhaps she just needed to say the other bit for her peace of mind?
Let it go, stay there, leave her a big bunch of flowers and and thank you card for when she returns.

YABU.

yabu - you asked a favour and she has agreed but with conditions. Maybe she is excludign dp or maybe she thinks you might bring a friend and dc as company. Either way I would n't want someone I barely knew, if at all, in my house in my absence.

YABU. If someone you knew didn't like you wanted to stay in your house whilst you were away, would you let them? No, I didn't think so. Enough said?

Puffling did say that she had not intended for her Dp to go too.
I'd be pretty peeved at the lack of trust too to be truthful and I think I'd have to say something, even if it was just 'Oh no, Dp can't come anyway as he's away working ~ as I said, it's just me and Dd...I hope you didn't think I'd bring old misery guts Aunty Grump?!'

YANBU I would think if you are close enough to go and stay with them anyway you will have some kind of friendship and mutual understanding and she should know better than to say that.
Bit odd if you ask me.

Sorry, YABU.

She is doing you a huge favour. I'm not sure whether I would be happy with someone staying in my house when I was away like that. I would bet big money that she was concerned that you would have a friend of DD's with you and that more children = more potential for destruction.

Even if she did mean your DP though, I would be seriously if someone didn't have the good grace to meet me, but expected to treat my house like a holiday cottage.

I think she was probably thinking you might bring friends and have a party. I don't think it's pointed particularly at your dp.

In pufflings OP:

"In a few weeks time, my aunt will be away. so I thought I'd ask her if myself and dd could use her house for a few days as the weather's been so bad here and dd loves it there. When I asked, I apologised if it seemed a 'cheeky' request and would be fine if she preferred we didn't go..."

Unless I'm reading it completely wrong, I think OP did say just her and her Dd...

I'm sure you're a lovely and reasonable person but in this instance YABU, totally.

Holy crap - you make a cheeky request and it's granted, but you take offence at the wording?

Why make life hard for yourself - accept graciously.

bonkersly unreasonable. you asked, she isn't that happy about it (i think that does come across with 'stipulate', tbh) but she can live with it so long as your dp doesn't take the opportunity for a holiday.

you should have called her if you knew it was cheeky, then you'd have been able to hear if she was uncomfortable with the idea and back off. emailing her put her in the position of having to say yes. (which i suspect you knew instinctively).

anyway, how do you feel about the overwhelming YABU? what are your thoughts now?

If you asked just for you and DD then she is saying she doesn't want you taking friends with you. I think you know you and your DP having behaved well and maturely in the past and you are putting this on to the message and assuming your Aunt doesn't trust you.

How about you stop all this stupid nonsense and invite your aunt to yours for a family get together.

Why can't he 'abide' her? Why Why WHY????

Do you think she has been itching to say "look, I know he can't stand me" all these years and finally she has had a chance, in a roundabout way?

I agree with Merrylegs, I think she's just taking the opportunity to say "I know he doesn't like me" because it's probably mildly hurtful to her and she hasn't felt able to raise it before. Now you're asking her for something she feels she can mention it in a roundabout way

I would have a talk to your dp - it seems a bit mean and childish that he does this. We all have to inconvenience ourselves and put up with people we don't gel with for our families' sakes sometimes!

Firstly I don't think it was a cheeky request,as you must have a good relationship with the Aunt to go and stay with her. I'd be pleased to have someone to look after my house while I was on holiday.

YABU though you have admitted lying to her about dp so why are you so offended when she accuses you of being underhand?

Can you ask her if we can come and stay? My DH likes everyone

Loads of people haven't read the OP
Teh OP is not planning to take her DH as well
The OP is not annoyed that her DH isn't welcome
The OP is annoyed that her aunt feels the need to tell her not to sneak in her DH behind her back - the lack of trust!

most of us have read the OP and responded to it though!

The OP has admitted to covering for dp.
The Aunt is presumably aware of the covering.
The Aunt has assumed OP is covering again.
The Aunt has made it clear dp is not welcome.

loads of people seem to assume that she is planning to take her DP or that her annoyance is that her DP isn't welcome and that's not the case!

i think little white lies about why your DP can't visit are very different from sneaking someone in who isn't invited!

Thats not what the aunt said, thats what the OP read into it, not the same thing. The aunt is being generous and kind, if she wants to stipulate a hundred dif things she is entitled to do so, and the OP has a serious nerve at being offronted!
She is upset at the percieved lack of trust? Maybe the aunt is upset at her niece seemingly not caring that her dp hates her (the aunt) and lies to her about why he doesn't come? And yet she still lets the niece stay in her home.