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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to wonder if I should just say 'sod it' and plug DS#s into his X-box permanently and stop him bothering anybody else

39 replies

OrmIrian · 05/08/2009 18:28

Posted this on the end of the officious parky thread but I want to know what you think.

Just to prove a point re older kids, DS#1 and his mates have just been 'moved on' by the police They were skating at the back of the soon-to-be-demolished swimming pool. The police told them jocularly that they were 'cleaning them up'. And when they asked were they could skate they were told 'that's not my problem'. There are no places left where they are allowed to do this now.

We already had a letter from the local community police about a yr ago telling us that children are not permitted to play in the street (a cul de sac).

If he goes to the park he apparently will annoy parents of LOs

What can I say to him? It seems that he is less troublesome to society plugged in to his X-Box

OP posts:
Divvy · 05/08/2009 18:31

There really is nothing for older and teens to do. What are they ment to do? Its such a shame for them.

Ponders · 05/08/2009 18:36

I agree completely, orm - whatever they do is wrong

Do any towns round your way have a skate park?

Greensleeves · 05/08/2009 18:37

YANBU at all

it makes me really angry and sad

I've just been pontificating on another thread about the utter lack of respect with which children are viewed in our society

we don't want to SEE them, never mind hear them, in restaurants, parks, pubs, out in the evening

older kids and teenagers are treated with outright hostility and mistrust purely by default by many people, including the authorities

they are not welcome anywhere

if they stay at home all evening they are depressed, isolated and friendless and we all think it's shocking "he never goes out, just sits in his room with his computer"

if they go out they end up freezing on street corners or outside shops for a bit of light/warmth, where they attract consternation and indignation because of course they are all violent intimidating thieving little sods who shouldn't be there

where SHOULD they be then?

and people complain that children "have no respect" ffs

Original poster
OrmIrian · 05/08/2009 18:40

Exactly greeny. DS is already getting resentful of authority - and TBH I don't entirely blame him!. IME teenagers are usually fine especially if they have something to do that they really enjoy. DS loves boarding - and he is getting really good.

ponders - there is one about 10 miles away and we've taken him there before now but he can't get there under his own steam so it involves us all going over there and hanging around. It's nowhere near anywhere else of interest for the other DCs. We are supposed to getting our own but gawd knows when that will happen

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MIAonline · 05/08/2009 18:44

Well put greensleeves.

As usual it is all about balance, but young people have been demonised, particularly teenagers and they have no voice or representation at a time in their life which is very difficult.

claricebeansmum · 05/08/2009 18:47

I so agree. So many places have absolutely nowhere for teenagers to go and yet nobody wants them hanging around near them. It's no wonder they potter around in gangs in their hoodies - society has effectively told them they are not welcome. Makes me really .

Original poster
OrmIrian · 05/08/2009 18:49

The real irony is that the council is in the process of closing the pool because it costs too much to run apparently - odd considering the queues everyday to get in But they only opened this one when they sold the old Lido site to Safeways 15yrs ago - now that was a place where kids could go all day in the summer. So....they only appear to care about children when they can make money from them.

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Original poster
OrmIrian · 05/08/2009 19:00

So what do parents of 12yr olds do with them? Just curious really. He's too old for most holiday clubs.

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mumblechum · 05/08/2009 19:02

How old is he? Is he old enough to go off for bike rides etc with his mates?

I do know what you mean, ds is almost 15 and because we live in a small village with no formal facilities, they have to make their own entertainment, which is basically all going into the woods on their bikes, making ramps etc or mountain boarding down the (v.steep) fields. Other than that, they meet up in each others houses for Xboxing, go to cinema etc but that costs a tenner a go by the time they've bought popcorn etc.

If he's not old enough to go off by himself, say 11 ish, you're a bit stuffed

Original poster
OrmIrian · 05/08/2009 19:06

He's 12 mumble. And yes he goes off on his own. But we're in a town and to get to the area where you can do the sort of things you mention is a long ride. And in between there are lots of areas that they will be banned from I suspect. Anywhere that gets used for 'unofficial' activities causes complaints

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Original poster
OrmIrian · 05/08/2009 19:15

Not to mention the mountains of dog shit that seem to festoon most of the unloved areas that they might be allowed to use.

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Greensleeves · 05/08/2009 19:18

that's the attitude though isn't it - "go over there, where the dogs shit"

it makes me sad when I see groups of lads with their bikes hanging round outside the shops or in the street in the evening, and people scowling at them

if you actually listen to them they are not planning burglaries or sharing out the contents of old ladies' purses fgs, they are banging on about Top Trumps and Sonic the bloody hedgehog

they are just kids!

Original poster
OrmIrian · 05/08/2009 19:22

Yes yes yes! They want to talk about kid stuff. Just not the same sort of kid stuff as their little siblings. It is so screwed up, it really is. Little ones are cute and lovely. Big ones are a pita and scary.

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GrendelsMum · 05/08/2009 19:25

There were some local children / young people who got together and campaigned for a place for them to skate / play / hangout. They put a lot of effort into it and the council ended up supporting their ideas.

Do you think that your DS and his friends could do this?

mumblechum · 05/08/2009 19:32

Sorry I realise this isn't helpful, but I've just realised something.

A lot of people I know move out of the countryside into the town (Marlow or Henley in my case) as the kids hit puberty in the belief that it'll be better for the children to have town type stuff rather than having to be driven everywhere as the country children do.

Have often felt slightly guilty for staying in the back of beyond but it sounds like town life isn't all it's cracked up to be.

Original poster
OrmIrian · 05/08/2009 19:33

To be fair grendel, the council is building a skate park next yr. But it's been put off so many times I don' have that much faith anymore. And ther's still the summer to get through.

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Original poster
OrmIrian · 05/08/2009 19:35

mumble - ours is a small town. But the nearby county town is better - assuming the children have access to lots of money.

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Greensleeves · 05/08/2009 19:35

there's a great skate park near us - really popular - and it is dogged by constant complaints from the elderly people who live in the apartments about 500 yards away from it

not valid or rational complaints about antisocial behaviour - they just don't want to live near a skate park. There seems to be this presumption of entitlement not to have to see or be aware of teenaged kids

bruffin · 05/08/2009 19:39

We are so fortunate to have a mariners base so my DS 13 spends a lot of time there but it is getting more expensive all the time.

The trouble is there are a small minority that do give the majority a bad name and there are also the old -bats- ladies who have an irrational hatred of children. We have one in our road who calls the police because the scouts are playing run outs on the school field.

Duritzfan · 05/08/2009 19:44

this really pisses me off too... why does everybody think we are ending up with so many so called "difficult" and "disenchanted" young people when they are just constantly told to move on from everywhere they try and hang out...when they are completely cast out of our society really ? it seems to me that the only place they are welcome these days is in their own homes, and in the homes of other teenagers..
They feel pushed out.
We used to live in a town, a small one, and we moved as my eldest ds hit 11 the area we lived in was so anti youngsters that we worried for his future.. we moved to the country ..seemed a bit mad at the time - we now live 2 miles away from the nearest bus so I have resigned myself to constant taxi driver duties but at least my kids now have a river to knock about in and a place to skate without being moved on constantly from playing ball in the park as they were in our last home ..
Can you imagine ball - in the park

Original poster
OrmIrian · 05/08/2009 20:28

Yes duritz. I was brought up in the country and had plenty of space but no company . I really would love to sit some of our local fuck-useless councillors down and ask them exactly what they think a 12yr old should do with his time.

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Original poster
OrmIrian · 05/08/2009 20:39

bruffin - we have one of those too. A mad old lady I mean. She twitches her curtains at the children and then comes out and swears at them

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OurLadyOfPerpetualSupper · 05/08/2009 20:57

We were given a skatepark at our local country town recently. DH took DS (8) there when it opened as he'd been badgering to learn boarding for ages.
Was full of toddlers on bikes, supervised by parents watching their LOs like hawks in case any 'big kids' hurt them.
DS1 is 14 and spends most of his time hanging out in the parks of said town - doesn't even try the board park.
He's quite musical and I sometimes tell him he should try busking with his band, but he reckons no one would give money to teenagers as they see them as a threat.
Makes me so sad.

Original poster
OrmIrian · 05/08/2009 21:00

Oh no ourlady. That is awful. There are lots of older skateboarders here so I guess that might not happen.

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OurLadyOfPerpetualSupper · 05/08/2009 21:00

Forgot to say I've heard good things about the air cadets, also the marine and sea cadets.
We're currently trying to persuade DS1 to join, but don't think he'd go without a mate.

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