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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

for everyone to accept my son is a healthy 2yr old VEGETARIAN??? [angry]

134 replies

MrsKat · 23/07/2009 22:21

Why can't ANYONE in my husband's family accept that our 2yr old is being brought up as a vegetarian? And that whenever he has a runny nose, it DOESN'T mean he isn't healthy because he doesn't eat meat.
Is there anyone else out there who is veggie but their husband and entire family aren't?

OP posts:
CoteDAzur · 23/07/2009 22:29

I guess it's no different than imposing one's religion on her offspring. Still...

I'd say YABU. Your son is too little to choose to be a vegetarian, so it's BU to say he is a vegetarian. You are. He is only eating what you provide for him.

MinkyBorage · 23/07/2009 22:31

I've always wanted to say this......................

GypsyMoth · 23/07/2009 22:34

Same can be said for bringing your child up as a meat eater....... Parents say he/she is! He eats what they provide for him

Really, people have a go and challenge ANY parenting choice or decision, just ignore

Tryharder · 23/07/2009 22:34

I'd say YANBU. I'm not vegetarian but not eating meat is no different to say not eating cheese or not eating carrots.

Why would anyone expect you to go out and buy and cook meat just for your 2yo son if you don't eat it yourself.

GrinnyPig · 23/07/2009 22:35

DH and I were pescatarian - DH has recently moved over to the dark side and has been eating meat again. DDs have been brought up as vegetarian - our fish consumption has always been minimal and I just chose not to give fish to the girls. I have had some negative comments from MIL and some of the rest of the extended family but our DDs are very healthy and DD1 has always been the tallest of her year group, so it certainly hasn't affected her growth. Both DDs are active and quite sporty. I did take DD1 to the GP a couple of years ago (she was about 13). She had a couple of incidents of fainting. I sheepishly admitted to the GP that she was vegetarian and I was a bit worried that maybe she was lacking something in her diet, as this had been suggested to me by my relatives. He laughed knowingly and said that his DCs were also vegetarian and that he got the same comments. He checked DD out and she was absolutely fine and has had no recurrence of the fainting thing.

Provided you know your DS is having a genuinely balanced diet including vegetable proteins, I'm sure he will be fine.

MinkyBorage · 23/07/2009 22:35

I do tend to agree with cotedazure though. It isn't really your son that is vegetarian. Vegetarianism is a moral/ethical/health decision, and one which I don't believe any two year old is capable of making.
btw I'm vegetarian. My children certainly aren't, although I am honest (but not brutal) about where meat comes from if they ask me. They don't really get it, and don't seem remotely surprised or bothered. I don't think they actually believe that we would eat an animal. (They also don't believe that a lion would eat ano0ther animal!) They are 3.9 and 2.7 (and 3 months, but he's not asked me yet!)

GypsyMoth · 23/07/2009 22:37

It's knowing how to deal with the ignorance tho, isn't it? It's the harder part......

MinkyBorage · 23/07/2009 22:37

p.s. as far as the health of your ds is concerned, then I'm sure you're doing a fantastic job of providing him with everything he needs for a good and balanced diet

Babbit · 23/07/2009 22:38

I'm a veggie, but my children aren't. I thought about it long and hard, but decided, it's their decision and I didn't want them to stick out (you know how cruel kids can be)! Also my DD has a tree nut and ground nut allergy and didn't want her sticking out for any other reason too. My Dh is a meat eater and actually I think it would have bothered him if i'd decided I wanted them to be veggie. I took his views into account. Lord knows what I would have done if we'd both been veggie. I still think I would have let them have meat at nursery at let them choose later.

Original poster
MrsKat · 23/07/2009 22:40

Sorry all, really new to this...what's
YABU, BU and YANBU?

OP posts:
edam · 23/07/2009 22:41

A child is a vegetarian if s/he doesn't eat meat, fish or animal products. That's simply a fact. All this 'he's not a veggie, you are', is just quibbling.

No idea why it seems to come as news to people that parents decide what small children eat, just as they decide what they wear, when they go to bed and what church or religious organisation they belong to, if any...

MinkyBorage · 23/07/2009 22:42

disagree edam, being a vegetarian is about what you will eat, it's a decision, not about what you do eat.
Agree it's quibbling though, and not what op asked

MinkyBorage · 23/07/2009 22:43

mumsnet.com/info/acronyms

Babbit · 23/07/2009 22:45

Sorry, don't get that Edam. If you are vegetarian there is a positive decision to avoid meat and meat based products.

plimple · 23/07/2009 22:48

YABU to be angry. YANBU to make your own decisions about what your child eats. They can't understand you and you can't understand them. It is possible to understand them without being angry. So long as your child is getting all the stuff that meat has in it from alternative sources then all is well. Surely you can't blame them for thinking any problems are due to not eating meat as to them it seems strange to force this on your child as it's not what they did. Do what you like and explain to them why and reassure them he is getting all he needs. Cook them a hearty vegi meal so they can see what he eats.
Don't be surprised if he decides to eat meat later in life though.

UnquietDad · 23/07/2009 22:49

I don't think the dichotomy is vegetarian/meat-eater (carnivore).

It's vegetarian/omnivore.

Omnivores (ideally) eat everything veggies eat and more, not less. So if you want your child to grow up eating a bit of everything for a balanced diet, as I do, that's not quite the same as making a particular dietary decision for them.

Original poster
MrsKat · 23/07/2009 22:49

Thanks Minky, I know now!
I personally feel I would be wrong feeding him meat, but having real trouble with everyone else wanting to feed him burgers!
Does anyone else have a mixed marriage (veggie and non veggie) and how do you cope?

OP posts:
melpomene · 23/07/2009 22:49

Oxford Dictionary definition of 'vegetarian':

"noun - a person who does not eat meat for moral, religious, or health reasons.

adjective - eating or including no meat. "

Somewhat inconclusive - the noun requires a conscious choice; the adjective doesn't!

ravenAK · 23/07/2009 22:53

If your dh isn't a vegetarian - does he eat meat at home?

& is your ds allowed to eat meat if it's offered (eg. at in-laws' houses).

I'm a pescatarian, dh is a vegetarian. The dc don't routinely get offered meat at home (recently ham etc has been creeping in) but it's always been fine for them to eat meat elsewhere.

You can absolutely bring your ds up on a fully vegetarian diet & it'll be perfectly healthy, but it's probably worth looking at his eating habits outside of what you provide, as they'll become more & more important as he gets older - is he a vegetarian because you choose not to offer meat or because you really object to him eating it?

Without knowing it's impossible to say if YABU...

Original poster
MrsKat · 23/07/2009 22:53

Plimple, that's quite thought provoking and true.
Thanks for your input. I do sometimes forget they just want the best for him rather than just getting at me.

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsKat · 23/07/2009 22:57

I really object to him eating it, I just think it's wrong and can't bear the thought of him eating it, yes i know I'm BU :-(

OP posts:
edam · 23/07/2009 22:57

Dh eats meat, I'm veggie (for ethical reasons). Ds does eat meat - dh and I discussed, and he felt more strongly about it than me. I'm OK leaving the option open for ds to go veggie if he ever likes it, just as I'd bed OK raising a veggie child who had the option to eat meat if they ever felt like it.

Both my sisters are veggie, too. One is raising her child as an omnivore, one is raising her two kids as veggies.

All the cousins are fine and healthy and blooming. Only concern has been one of the omnivores, as it happens, and turns out that was glue ear + enlarged adenoids making eating painful.

mrsboogie · 23/07/2009 22:59

When my older son was a baby/toddler he never ate meat - he just wouldn't. I remember hearing somewhere at the time that some kids are naturally vegetarian -I think he was.

Original poster
MrsKat · 23/07/2009 23:02

Hubbie is meat eater, as is all our family. Just me on my own :-(
Jus feel I would be letting him down and feel like everyone else has 'won' if i agree to letting him eat meat.

OP posts:
willowstar · 23/07/2009 23:02

We have a 'mixed marriage' and are just about to have our first child. OHs family are ardent meat eaters...meat with EVERY meal...OH loves meat but i do the cooking so my plan is that at home 'it' will be veggie but can eat whatever it is served outside the house. Of course if I was on my own I would raise my child entirely veggie but I have to take OH into account (of course!)

I am sure I will be getting the same comments as the original poster, my mum has already had a go at me about 'imposing my views' on my child when it comes. Just got to ignore it.