for everyone to accept my son is a healthy 2yr old VEGETARIAN??? [angry]

[MrsKat]

Why can't ANYONE in my husband's family accept that our 2yr old is being brought up as a vegetarian? And that whenever he has a runny nose, it DOESN'T mean he isn't healthy because he doesn't eat meat.
Is there anyone else out there who is veggie but their husband and entire family aren't?

YANBU - why on earth would you think you are? You have very strong moral convictions. This is a good thing*. You can't bear to go against those convictions. This is fine, as long as you don't turn ds from your door if he ever tries a hot dog - which of course you won't!

No-one would object if you said 'I'm Jewish/Muslim and my son is Jewish/Muslim and we don't eat pork'.

Funny how the strongly-held moral and ethical beliefs of people who are not religious are treated so dismissively.

• Given that your particular moral stance is against cruelty, rather than one of those set of morals which encourages racism or sexism or homophobia or hatred of disabled people... yet bizarrely dress up any of those prejudices in religious garb and no-one would dare to question your right to choose your ds's diet!

Well I presume you were a veggie whilst pregnant and he is a healthy child as you have said. Did you get any comments then?
Suggest you be kind to them and find some information for them to educate and just keep serving them the meals you eat.
They probably will never 'get it' so don't let it 'get' to you.

Willow - did you ask your Mum to remember how many times she imposed her views on you?

Not so much YABU as you're unlikely to win!

My best mate comes from a staunchly veggie family (parents are members of a rather peculiar religious sect). All for dc went through a 'sneaking off for a MaccyD' phase in their teens - one's now vegetarian (my friend), the other 3 aren't.

My own ds is 5 & has just decided to stop eating meat because he loves animals.

He's fascinated by the whole business - Mummy eats fish, daddy doesn't, his Muslim CM's family will eat meat but not pork, whereas he's allowed a ham sandwich if he's eating out with us...

There's really going to come a point where 'We don't eat meat' becomes 'Mummy doesn't eat meat, but why shouldn't I, especially since Daddy does!'.

I think all you can do is stick to your guns re: offering it at home - if he chooses to eat meat elsewhere, that's got to be his choice.

YANBU. It is fine to "impose" your values on your child, everybody does. It's no different to sending your baby to nursery or having a nanny or giving them a dummy or whatever. There is no set-in-stone right way of raising a child, it's all to do with making decisions that feel right to you as a parent.

If you are careful to have a wide range then being vegetarian isn't necessarily dangerous so it's jumping to conclusions if they blame the diet. You are going to have people look at you doubtfully though as they would with any non-mainstream choices.

"Funny how the strongly-held moral and ethical beliefs of people who are not religious are treated so dismissively"

Personally I'm very dismissive of restricting diets for religious reasons as well. I'm an equal opportunity sceptic. All that nonsense about some god not liking certain recipes is ludicrous.

There! that makes it fairer doesn't it

I didn't realise there was a page 2!
I thought everyone had gone to bed!!!

I got into trouble by commenting that ds (4) didn't normally have 'normal' crisps due to the salt content. MiL told me that as he woulnd't be having any salt for the rest of the day that I was worrying too much ( re no salt!!!!)

I'm vege - pre ds we agreed that any child would be brought up eating as wide a range of food as possible and if they wanted to become vegetarian at a later stage, fine. However, there was also the requirement that it was good quality meat - not cheap, factory raised meat - free range, preferably organic. So ds was 'vege' at nursery, but is now having school dinners as they source their food a bit more carefully!

However, ds managed to shock MiL aged about 3 - he said 'I like lambs. I eat lambs and sheep and cows and pigs and fishes...' That's my boy!!!!

Mistlethrush - that's what my hubbie wants to do as well. Sounds pretty darn sensible!

I like children who shock MiL

My DH eats meat. I do draw the line and he is not allowed to have fois gras or veal - but as long as its good quality and he doesn't eat it every meal, I'm fairly relaxed about it. So my son has the same options... At the moment he is definitely an omnivore - but he accepts that I don't eat meat or fish. We have more problems about chocolate - which I cannot eat - he thinks its because I'm a vegetarian and can't remember that we keep on saying that its beacuse I'm allergic to it!

Sincere thanks to everyone who has taken the time to respond to a difficult question (rant!).
We have now decided that hubbie will feed the little one good quality, free range, organic only meat, on the occasions he cooks and / or I'm not around.
When I'm chef in charge, he will eat what I eat. (son, not hubbie unfortunately!

Feeling much better now - thanks all!

You are not being unreasonable. Try not to worry about whether other people accept it or not. You are is mum and for now you do make decisions on his behalf, obviously. People will always have opinions and judgements when to child rearing. I had it when I did baby led weaning and not puree weaning, also DS slept in our bed for first months. My DS is almost pescatarian by default, he doesn't like meat, don't know why, maybe the texture, I have offered it to him. But he does enjoy a varied diet, (with the occasional pizza), and gets lots of protein from nuts, nut butter, etc

imo the issue here arises from the fact you are a mixed rather than a veggie household.

Because if you were both vegetarian your ds would most likely eat what you all eat, whereas because you are vegetarian and your dh isn't, it's seen as one party, i.e. you, imposing your decisions on to your child, iyswim, without consideration of your husband's views.

I'm sure my son might like to grow up on a diet of lobster and caviar, but given we don't generally eat these things in our house he'll have to wait until he's old enough to make that decision for himself.

If you don't want to give meat to your child then that is your choice. As long as you're open to him deciding for himself as he grows up. And even then you can still let him know that although he can eat meat if he wants to, that mummy doesn't cook meat, so when mummy is doing the cooking it will be veggie.

A couple I know are both veggie and are bringing their children up veggie too. But they have sid that if their children want to try meat when they are older it's up to them (much as a meat eating household would allow children to become veggies when they are old enough to decide). They have also said that they are welcome to eat meat other family members prepare for them as long as it isn't junk like burgers. I think that's a good compromise. FWIW I can't see the problem. You are providing a healthy mixed diet and that's that!

Oh nuts, now my head hurts. I don't have children yet (sitting in on the conception thread) but this is an issue that I'm worried about pre and post pregnancy.

I'm a veggie but my other half has just gone vegan, Yet we buy meat every week for our ancient and arthritic cat who won't eat anything else. I WAS planning on raising any children veggie, but now I'm worried that I'd be showing double standards and would be forcing my own issues onto my offspring. Nargh!

On the other hand surely you can't help but force your issues onto your offspring..

Does anyone know of any other threads which have also discussed the same issue, as maybe I'm being blind but I can't find them

I guess I am not vegetarian then as my choice not to eat meat is not moral, religious or for health reasons. I just don't like it and don't want to eat it.

My DD does eat meat. I feel strongly that if I had not grown up eating meat I would never have tried it and so by not starting her off on a diet including meat I would effectively be making the decision for her. I am a fussy eater in a variety of ways and will do as much as I can to prevent her from being the same.

None of the rest of my family are vegetarian and a lot of people asked me if DD would be eating meat when we started weaning.

YANBU. Tell the relatives to educate themselves or button it. Plenty of carnivores eat shit diets, it's not as if meat is that hard to substitute.

(The slightly longer answer is that I am veggie, as are our two sons nearly 1 and nearly 3. DH is an "indoor veggie." I shop and I cook and I won't buy or cook meat. When the children are old enough they can make an informed decision as to what they want to do, but until that time I have chosen not to force meat eating upon them. They can opt into it later if they want - but still not in the house!

I think the term vegetarian describes what you do eat. So he is a vegetarian because he doesn't eat meat, regardless of who made that choice.

I'm lucky in that DH and I are both vegetarian, so it's an easy decision to bring DS up veggie. When he's older he can decide for himself, and if he wants to eat meat, fine, but we don't have it in the house so he won't get it at home. We're pretty relaxed about it though - I think it's inevitable that he accidently eats something at a friend's house, or goes to McDonalds with another kid's mum, something like that. (which is another thing, we boycott most fast food companies, so he definitely won't go there with us!)

I'm veggie but the rest of my family isn't. I didn't want to make the veggy choice for my children - I buy the best quality meat and eggs I can for them and I will let them make up their own mind in due course.

I totally sympathise with you though but I would see your in-laws response for what it is, you are not being like them so it makes them feel insecure. Hence the derogatory comments. It is them that have the issues and they will say/do whatever they can to make themselves feel secure ("oh meat eating must be right because look, that child is not well...")

If you are secure with your choice then smile patiently at the comments, inwardly knowing that it is them that have the problem but your DS is benefitting from a really healthy diet.

With the feeling left out thing - DS's nursery is actually really sensitive to this and makes sure the veggie option is as like the meat option as possible so it doesn't happen. So he'll get veggie sausages, cottage pie with Quorn mince, etc.

Just a note to the poster who asks her husband to avoid veal - veal is actually a byproduct of the dairy industry (i.e. when dairy cows have male calves, the calves will not produce milk and are therefore surplus to requirements and are slaughtered), and British veal is raised in reasonable conditions. At the moment, increasing amounts of male calves in the UK are being slaughtered and not eaten, which I do think is unethical. Those who eat meat should probably be eating more British veal rather than less. Vegetarians should possibly be eating less dairy products and going more vegan.

I have been a vegetarian for more years than I can remember and have never bought or cooked meat as an adult. I brought up my older 4 children vegetarian, though we did introduce fish when they went to primary school after we had problems with DS1's health and weight (which turned out to be zero to do with the diet). All 4 tower over me now and are all fit and healthy.

I always said to them that while I was in charge of their diet they would eat what I provided but once they were older they could suit themselves. We have no meat in the house (except for the cat food - and yes my mother likes to comment that the cats get a better diet than her poor deprived GC)

My new 2 yo is also being raised vegetarian. Sadly it seems even harder this time round and we still get hassled by "well meaning" interferers.