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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think DP should just stop being and ignorant sod and just take him

36 replies

shinyshoes · 15/07/2009 09:50

Our children are doing clubs next week. One is 12yo and is having to travel about 30 minutes on the bus to ge there. The other is being driven there as he is 8 yo and dosen't go on buses by himself yet.

Both have to be there at 10.00 am both on opposite sides of town and me starting work at 10.15. I don't mind walking to work, whilst he uses the car to take themit's within walking distance and suggested that he drops DS1 off around 20 minutes earlier so he can run the other one to his club for 10.00am He said 'no, DS 1 can get the bus' Now i'm a bit about DS 1 getting the bus into a particulary rough area by himself. I'd rather drop them off myself and be late for work.

This insued in a massive row this morning saying that DS1 gets the bus into town by himself and it's only an extra 10 minutes on the same bus.

It's not that, it's a bit of a rough area and told him that if I took him he wouldn't be having the car that day as i'd have to travel at the speed of light to get to work after dropping them off.

Why can't he just get it through his ignorant skull that I don't want my 12yo going by himself on a bus in an area he is not familiar with that's dodgy.

AIBU?

OP posts:
littleducks · 15/07/2009 09:54

Honestly?

How bad is the area?

Cant the twelve year old go under strict instruction to phone you when he arrives so you start work calm knowing he is there? But to keep phone hidden till he arrives

aGalChangedHerName · 15/07/2009 09:57

I would want my 12 year old being dropped off anyway regardless of the area. Would rather know he got there. How would he get back in the evening?

poopscoop · 15/07/2009 10:01

YANBU - your DH should be thinking of the safety of the children. I would do it myself and be late for work (on the first day)if not sorted by then. Hopefully then he will feel guilty enough to do it for the rest of the week.

Original poster
shinyshoes · 15/07/2009 10:01

Is not rough like some inner city boroughs but i've lived where I am all my life and i've never felt safe about that particular area even as a young carefree teen.
He has no phone credit he uses it as quick as it's loaded on so we don't put credit on there until he can use it responsibly. I could put some on for him on this occasion. I'm one of these parents that phone him constantly though.

Do it seem reasonable though to let a 12 yo travel 30 minutes on a bbus by himself? I know I did but i'm sure it wasn't as dangerous as it is now

OP posts:
Original poster
shinyshoes · 15/07/2009 10:03

I will be taking my tea break to co-incide with picking them up so I know they get home safetly.

DP dosen't think that the area is particularly unsafe, but he dosen't think that letting him out til 10.00pm is unsafe either .

Looks like I will have to warn work I will be late that day then.

Thanks ladies

OP posts:
firsttimemama · 15/07/2009 10:14

If DS1 is happy to get the bus, I'd let him get the bus.

Alambil · 15/07/2009 10:18

I wouldn't.

Why can't dh take them? dropping the eldest early is not so much a big deal; at least you all know he's there and safe

seeker · 15/07/2009 10:20

Oh, of course he can go on the bus - he's 12, not 6!!!!!

Original poster
shinyshoes · 15/07/2009 10:22

DH won't take him Lewis, he says 'why should I , it's 1 bus, don't be such a fucking idiot' . Then goes on to rant about why I let him walk the streets where we live if it's that dangerous (I didn't say OUR area was dangerous he knows I never he's being a prick) .

OP posts:
BecauseImWorthIt · 15/07/2009 10:26

But lots of children have to travel on the bus/train/tube from 11 onwards to get to school - so I think you're being a bit overly anxious.

Definitely agree you should load up his phone with credit.

Tell your DS to sit right at the front of the bus near the driver.

Do you know anyone else going that he could travel with?

Original poster
shinyshoes · 15/07/2009 10:32

No as far as I know no-one else he knows is going BecauseImworthit.

OP posts:
OrmIrian · 15/07/2009 10:36

Bus will be fine. Give him phone credits, or at least call him and drum it into his head that he must have his phone switched on and he must answer it. 12 is old enough IMO.

Original poster
shinyshoes · 15/07/2009 10:50

even if the area is a bit 'colourful' ?

OP posts:
OrmIrian · 15/07/2009 10:58

Oh I don't know. I guess it has to be down to you to judge. Clearly DH isn't bothered by this. Does DH not know the area as well as you?

DS#1 goes to school in a 'dodgy' area and walks/cycles every day. But admittedly he is with other children most of the time.

I think that unless it is really bad I would let him go alone. I'd like to be sure he knows the route he needs to take first. What does DH think of it all?

seeker · 15/07/2009 10:58

What do you mean by "colourful"?

LadyGlencoraSnape · 15/07/2009 11:00

I really think you should let him take the bus.

OrmIrian · 15/07/2009 11:01

That was meant to be 'what does DS think'

OrmIrian · 15/07/2009 11:01

That was meant to be 'what does DS think'

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 15/07/2009 11:04

What do you mean by colourful? Is the club in this area or does he just have to go through? Honestly - what is likely to happen to him? I think you are worrying a bit for nothing - but then I don't like your DP's attitude either.

FabBakerGirlIsBack · 15/07/2009 11:05

I can't help thinking why is he going anyway if it isn't a nice area but then mine are a lot younger than yours and don't go anywhere without me or DH.

Original poster
shinyshoes · 15/07/2009 11:52

OrmIrain - DP says he will travel on the bus with him a couple of days before the event to show him where he needs to get off. He thinks i'm being a 'snob' about it all and it's rough everywhere'at that age I was going to London by myself' (i'm sure he was but I don't want my son doing this).

By saying colourful I mean a bit lively a bit somewhere I would rather he didn't find himself by himself. At the venue will be fine i'm sure i'm just worried he'll be singled out on the bus on the way I'd just assumed that DP ould take him seeing as he is off that day , has the car and nothing much else planned.

FabBakerGirl, he is going because the actual activity he is doing he rather enjoys (golf) it's something to keep him occupied during the school holidays for one of the very many weeks he has off and I'd rather the children did something rather than kicking about the streets bored. I work 2 full days and DP works the rest of the week so I don't want them at home constantly whining they are bored. I'd rather they were doing something constructive and worthwhile, It's free and there's only so much picnicing/going to the forest/arts and crafts/cinema that children can take (it's a little harder to occupy a 12 year old, he dosen't want to do arts and crafts, picnics, park etc.

OP posts:
BecauseImWorthIt · 15/07/2009 11:56

Why would he be singled out? And what do you mean by 'a bit lively' - I think you need to be a bit more specific, otherwise all you're demonstrating is your own level of anxiety!

What area are you talking about?

seeker · 15/07/2009 11:56

Doesn't he go into town with his frienda after school?

Original poster
shinyshoes · 15/07/2009 12:04

Yes he goes into town with friends, but this is about about 2 miles further on than where he normallly goes, it's about 1/2 mile out of our borough into the next borough.

The area I consider to be a little rough there are gangs in the area around the civic centre and opposite on the council estate.

I am not against council estates AT ALL. I live on a VERY large one myself, I live on the nice side .

Perhaps I am being a little anxious but i'd never forgive myself if something happens to him and I could have prevented it by taking him myself.

OP posts:
BecauseImWorthIt · 15/07/2009 12:05

But you have to let him go at some point!

If you never let him do anything he will never be able to work out for himself what is OK and where there may be any danger!

And I doubt if there are gangs roaming the streets all day at any time of day waiting to get him ...