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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

only wanting to invite my daughters friends and not their siblings to her party?

34 replies

pinkpalace · 13/07/2009 23:03

My daughter is fast approaching 2 and I am planning a party at her favourite farm for 10 of her friends. I will be 1 week away from my due date and wanted to arrange a day for her to enjoy that I will be able to sit back, rest my swollen ankles and be safe in the knowledge that everything will be taken care of. The party can even go ahead if baby has arrived or is arriving! It's not cheap at £10 per child so I don't want numbers to snowball.

My problem is that my daughter has a friend who I want to invite and this girl has a brother aged 4. My daughter is aware of the brother although they don't play together and contact between them isn't that often.

Am I right in thinking it is ok not to invite the brother? Otherwise where do I draw the line in future with other children and their siblings? Also, this boy has a dad to look after him when his mum and sister will be at the party.

Help!!

OP posts:

bigchris · 13/07/2009 23:08

yanbu

tbh does a one year old really have a favourite farm? I didnt throw a formal party like this until ds' 5th b/day when he was in reception

StewieGriffinsMom · 13/07/2009 23:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

hocuspontas · 13/07/2009 23:14

tbh this sort of party is slightly nightmarish because the adults have to stay and then they pay for their other children to stay and sometimes it's hard to keep the birthday child as the centre of attention. (Been there, got the t-shirt). Do you have to pay for the adults as well?

Like bigchris we didn't do parties until about 5. Although like you, I have done them at 9 months pregnant!

hocuspontas · 13/07/2009 23:17

Oh and no to sibling invites. Rod for your own back etc...

piscesmoon · 13/07/2009 23:29

I would say no to siblings.

CarGirl · 13/07/2009 23:32

I would say no to siblings but no to the whole party.

Buy in catered food have a hanful of friends around, mainly adults/relatives.

They're really not aware of it being their birthday until they are 3 at the very earliest.

Bonneville · 13/07/2009 23:43

Agree 2 is too young for this sort of thing. A bit OTT!

plonker · 13/07/2009 23:51

I would say YANBU, but do you really have to go with her friends anyway?

We went to a farm for dd3's second birthday last week, but we didn't invite friends - we just went as a family. Was lovely

If you really want to invite friends then I would say YA Def NBU to not invite siblings - these things can soon spiral ...

2rebecca · 14/07/2009 09:11

We didn't start parties until at nursery (preschool in England) Just had small family parties first few years. Taking 10 toddlers and parents to a farm sounds more stressful and less pleasant than a family day out to the farm when you'll be relaxed and she can go at her own pace.

bruffin · 14/07/2009 09:43

I wouldn't do that type of party for a 2 yr old either.
I was in the same situation as for DS's 2nd birthday (DD was born 5 days later) and we just had a party at home, with a bouncy castle and a bit of food.

traceybath · 14/07/2009 09:54

I think its fine to just write the little girl's name on the invite but be prepared for the whole family to turn up.

Some people just don't see that as an issue - we were recently at a party where there were so many uninvited siblings that the actual guests couldn't sit down at the party table - crazy!

Different clearly if there's no other option but to take siblings, eg, if its straight after school/in holidays where there's no one else to look after them.

Do agree though you are mad to be doing a party like that for a 2 year old a week away from your due date . I'm having a c-section for dc3 next week and just could not face a party at this stage.

megapixels · 14/07/2009 10:31

No of course you don't have to invite the sibling, I don't know why you're even wondering about it.

I agree with the other posters though, a day out at the farm with ten two year olds?? I wouldn't do that in a million years, neither me nor my kids would have appreciated it at that age.

IKnowWhoYouAre · 14/07/2009 10:43

I had a party like this when my son was 3, and lots of people asked to bring siblings, or brought them along anyway. The problem is that it involves a trip to somewhere, and the guests are too young to be left without a parent. Some people see it as a chance for all the family to go, others can't or won't want to leave siblings behind. So no you don't have to invite siblings, but be prepared that some may come.

fufflebum · 14/07/2009 10:47

YANBU to not invite siblings. But there is nothing you can do to stop your friend bringing the sibling along.

As has already been said a party of ten for two year olds is a bit excessive imo. Does a two year old have 'friends' in the way we understand it? Or is it your 'friends' who have children.

Try to imagine yourself 2 years hence with two children and someone invites your younger child to their party but not their sibling. How would you feel?

People have different expectations in these things and there is no right or wrong.

When my DD turned 4 we had a bday party for her (her first I might add!) and we put only her friends names on the invites not siblings. She chose who came, not us, and although I fully expected some siblings might stay and parents none did! At the age of two parents will stay is it not resaonable that the sibling may or may not want to come?

PeachyTheRiverParrettHarlot · 14/07/2009 10:54

What i'vealways done (only when DH at work,no other childcare) is take a sibling but entertain them separately and buy their lunch for them. I would never expect them to be catered for.

We did a farm day for ds4 and it as nice but it was his first birthday and we had no illusions the day was abut anything otehr than just meeting up with family etc- he was oblivious of course.

Doing one in August for ds3 but he'll be 6 and is SN so seemed a good bet for a variety of needs (none mobility issues)

Original poster

pinkpalace · 14/07/2009 14:17

Thanks ladies for your advice!

I agree that a trip to the farm may be excessive but it is close (in our village) and has a fantastic soft play area so the children have the option of the animals if they so wish. Also, it means that should myself or hubby not be there (i.e giving birth!) both sets of grandparents will be able to take over....and there is no tidying up afterwards.

The group of 10 consist of cousins and also friends that she does come in contact and play with on a regular basis so I'm certainly not inviting them because their mums are friends of mine - although as a result we have became friends.

I think I will talk to the mum involved, and take it from there. Who knows what will happen!

OP posts:

NanaJo · 14/07/2009 14:58

We had a similar type party for Ds1's 5th birthday (to a heritage farm). We invited five children ... each invitation marked with that child's name. DH and I fondly imagined that this would give us 7 kids (with our own two) to care for and encertain had a good time ... a number manageable by the two of us (plus darling good friend). I was in shock when 3 of the invitees' Mums plus a total of 4 of their siblings joined us. We only paid for everything for the children who had been invited, but it was a bit of a nightmare. I didn't have goodie bags for the siblings which resulted in a huge meltdown by a 3 yo (not his fault). It was Ds1 first formal party and he had a wonderful time. It was me who got stressed! I read a very good rule of thumb about young children's parties ... invite as many children as the child's age ... so for a one year old, invite one child etc. Anyway, I hope it all goes well for you. Just be prepared for extra kids (and adults) to show up at this kind of party.

DesperateHousewifeToo · 14/07/2009 15:15

I assume you are expecting each guest to be supervised by their own parent? Otherwise you won't be able to sit back and relax with 10x 2yr olds to supervise

Will the farm not charge you for entrance for each of these adults?

MojoLost · 14/07/2009 15:21

My goodness, did I read correctly, she is going to be 2?? And you are inviting 10 of her friends?
She must be the most popular toddler around.
To be honest, the parties I've been to for 2 yyear olds usually include both my DSs, me and DH, cos it's usually a friends-get-together kind of thing.

nowwearefour · 14/07/2009 15:28

i did a party at a v similar place- wondering if it IS the same place it sounds so similar! i put in a little note saying that one adult came free with each invited child and that extra children would have to be paid for and would get no food. some still came but i put name places at the table so it was clear no uninvited children were allowed to sit there! it worked fine. everyone understood. i thought it was fine they were there (extra siblings i mean) as long as they did their own thing etc. was a great time. is there a tractor ride at yoru one? they might enjoy that

mumeeee · 14/07/2009 22:30

YANBU to not invite siblings. But I agree with others that you don't need a party like this for a two year old. I just did small teas at home when mine were under 5.

zipzap · 14/07/2009 23:03

Definitely think it is worth putting on the invites a little footnote to the effect of 'Sorry, there is only one adult place per child paid for and due to number limitations only the invited child can come, we are unable to cope with any extra siblings at the party'... or words to that effect that reflect what you want.

Make sure that you put the same message on each invite so that nobody thinks you are singling them out (I know occasionally there are some parents that will both come with a single child if they have nothing better to do too so you might want them to be aware of that too).

The other thing to think about is if you want to be left with ten 2yr olds without their parents - can't see many parents wanting to leave them but you do get some that see it as a few hours free childcare - so would be worth adding to a footnote that children need to be accompanied by an adult and not dropped off and left!

Hope you get to enjoy it and good luck with the new arrival!

Clary · 15/07/2009 01:46

I never invite siblings unless they are a particular pal of another of my DC and even then only if I want a pal there for the other DC (sometimes it helps).

Absolutely no necessity otherwise.

FWIW I wouldn't have a party for 10 pals a week from due date.

As it goes, DD was due 2 days before DS1 was 2 and I invited about 3 pals to the house for cake and some songs, on the understanding that I might call that morning and cancel! (DD was late so I didn't). That was quite enough IMO.

zeke · 15/07/2009 08:06

Very reasonable not to invite her sibling.

TBH, at that age, I would have just taken her to the farm with family and perhaps or one or two friends - certainly not 10!

MrsMcCluskey · 15/07/2009 08:11

YANBU not to invite
But as my DH is a shift worker there have been many a party when I have had to take both my children
I do check if it is OK wth the parent and pay for my extra child and dont expect party bags etc

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