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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

another school one-think i may have overstepped the mark this time...

82 replies

sleeplessinstretford · 13/07/2009 18:42

dd is in year 9, at 11.20 this morning I received a text message from school saying 'your daughter was absent from registration this morning-please explain via text where she is' to which I replied 'dd left for school at 745-is she not there now or was she just late as depending on which one this is i will either have to discipline her for poor time keeping or ring the police'

this is the 4th time that i have had words with them about the same thing. DD shouldn't have been late but surely there's some way of cross referencing whether the kids were actually late or in the ICU? When
ever I have rung school to ask if she's there they have to then go and check up.
AIBU (and as i know i am not ) would you then follow up this matter with a letter to the head?

OP posts:

tennisaddict · 13/07/2009 18:49

I don't blame you for being angry

fgs, don't they think you will worry about where she is if all they tell you is that she wasn't at reg ?

nbee84 · 13/07/2009 18:49

YANBU - my heart would sink and I would almost go into panic mode if I thought my child hadn't arrived at school.

You read so much in the papers about missing children - and while I know it is quite rare, if I thought my child was at school and I had a text late in the morning to say they weren't my mind would go into overdrive. I would then be at the school for worrying me if she was there and was just late. Yes, the lateness needs dealing with - but not in this way.

iheartdusty · 13/07/2009 18:49

YANBU, they should be able to express what the problem is better than this. OK, registration is when they first check, but after that surely the issue can be differentiated.

sweetfall · 13/07/2009 18:50

You are absolutely being unreasonable

sweetfall · 13/07/2009 18:53

your daughter is 14

if she has missed registration the school needs to find out why

in any year on any day there are probably around 5 to 20, so 35 to 140 per school, children absent or late on any given day. If you have not called into school a text message is perfectly acceptable means of finding out whether she is at home and you haven't called in or something has happened to her.

You expect a school, a police station and a hospital to be involved on checking where your child is on a daily basis? Odd

tennisaddict · 13/07/2009 18:53

why do you say that sweetfall ?

Original poster

sleeplessinstretford · 13/07/2009 18:53

por que sweetfall?

i nearly shit my pants as she might have been wagging it (but doesn't wag it) which only leaves accident/something hideous.
I will bollock her for being late but she'd been out of the house for 3.5 hours when the text came.If it had said 'kate was late today' i'd have dealt with it ( i still will btw) late is one thing, missing for 3.5 hours is absolutely another don't you agree?

OP posts:

Wonderstuff · 13/07/2009 18:54

YANBU.
If children at our school miss registration then they have to sign in, if they are absent our attendence officer phones parents. A text seems poor, but I guess if there are scores of parents to phone it may be the only way. We have tightened up since an incident where children bunked off during lesson times and got themselves into trouble. We also do a register every lesson to try to flag up kids absent.

Did she get to school?

Saggarmakersbottomknocker · 13/07/2009 18:55

At dd's school registration is taken by the form teacher on computer. An absent mark automatically sends the text if it's not stopped within 30 minutes. They stop the text if they receive a call from the parent.

It's a bit difficult in secondary to run round and check if late children are in.

You should discipline her for poor time keeping

SlartyBartFast · 13/07/2009 18:56

we get a phone call at 11 am. they must be very busy. how many in the school to chase after i wonder?

sweetfall · 13/07/2009 18:57

How many calls do you think an attendance officer can get through, bearing in mind many parents don't answer their phones and some contact details held in a school are incorrect.

From registration to someone sitting down and going through the registers to check on a class by class basis, alonside all other morning admin duties can take a couple of hours at least.

sweetfall · 13/07/2009 18:59

Some schools aren't as automatic, some schools rely on people to collate and go through the information.

Saggarmakersbottomknocker · 13/07/2009 18:59

Many schools have an absenteeism rate of around 5 to 7%, so it depends on the size of school and how many parents can be bothered to call in at a reasonable time.

faraday · 13/07/2009 18:59

You should text the school with 'Police called and are on way to school since my DD is not there'.

Perfectly reasonable as their text SAYS 'please explain where she is' NOT 'why she was late' implying she'd arrived!

That'd smarten up their texting!

sweetfall · 13/07/2009 19:00

She missed morning registration. The parents should call the school and ask if she turned up as soon as you get the message.

sweetfall · 13/07/2009 19:01

and there was I thinking people were only this outrageous over their first-born toddler.

Saggarmakersbottomknocker · 13/07/2009 19:02

Agree with sweetfall. Why is school in the wrong to let you know she missed morning registration?

SlartyBartFast · 13/07/2009 19:05

first born is first born forever

2shoes · 13/07/2009 19:06

yabu, if your dd was late surely she would have to report to someone to explain why. I can't imagine a bsuy secondry school would be able to notice straight away that some one wasn't there. you have to take in to account all the parents who ring in late to say their child is ill as we. so it would take quite a while for a school to actually know your child wasn't there.
get her to text you when she arrives at school in future, that way you don't have the worry.

SOLOisMeredithGrey · 13/07/2009 19:06

I can see where you are coming from, but! I started letting Ds walk to school on his own age 10.3, year 6 and I sent a note in with him to say that 'Jim' would be walking to school and home again alone and if he didn't arrive at school, would they please let me know.
Well! you'd have thought I'd asked for them to rob a bank for me! They couldn't possibly do this and if 'Jim' wasn't mature enough, then perhaps I shouldn't allow him to walk alone.
Yes! I felt a bit paranoid ~ isn't this normal motherly behaviour? but the head teacher is an arse and made me feel completely ridiculous for asking such a thing. I would've thought that if a child was expected at school and didn't arrive(especially primary school children walking/travelling alone)that it would be their duty to check on their whereabouts.

OP, three hours before getting a message is bloody irresponsible of them, but at least they did bother.

2shoes · 13/07/2009 19:07

no idea why there is a random "as we" in there

tennisaddict · 13/07/2009 19:07

they were not wrong to inform the child missed reg

they should let you know however she was late, as opposed to absent (for that read abducted, under the wheels of a bus or more likely, lounging in bed or smoking fags on a street corner )

if they text you a couple of hrs after reg, then that is plenty of time to check up that she did actually arrive

hocuspontas · 13/07/2009 19:08

Not sure I understand. Are you wanting them to check A & E for every unexplained absence before they text parents? They have to go with the odds. Which is parents not contacting in case of sickness. Where was your dd anyway?

Saggarmakersbottomknocker · 13/07/2009 19:10

If she arrived late through the proper channels yes but not if she didn't register as late or, more commonly was on time but fannying about in the loo, therefore wasn't late but didn't get her mark either.

School secretary's crystal ball not working possibly?

tennisaddict · 13/07/2009 19:10

so, for those who think OP is BU

if you received that text, would you just shrug your shoulders and carry on with your day ?

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