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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell my Neighbour that her daughter smokes?

41 replies

Frasersmum123 · 10/07/2009 16:34

I like in a small Cul-de-sac and when I left to pick up DS from school today I saw our neighbour -but-one's daughter smoking at the top of the street with a friend.

She didnt see me, or atleast didnt seem to see me, but she was definately smoking.

I know that if it was my DS I would want to know, but should I mind my own business, or should I tell her?

OP posts:
2shoes · 10/07/2009 16:35

how old is the girl?

myredcardigan · 10/07/2009 16:35

Well, if she's 8 then I'd tell them. if she's 35, I wouldn't bother.

herbietea · 10/07/2009 16:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

HerBeatitudeLittleBella · 10/07/2009 16:36

Ooh God I don't know.

Will watch thread for more useful answers.

dizzymare · 10/07/2009 16:38

It depends on her age I guess.

modrin · 10/07/2009 16:46

no dont tell you will end up being the bad one she will find out eventually with the smell off her etc

SouthMum · 10/07/2009 16:46

YABU - keep out of it. She won't ever forget you grassing her up and her mum will suss out eventually anyway. They always do.

Original poster
Frasersmum123 · 10/07/2009 16:57

Sorry, I should have said. I know that she is in year 9, which would make her 12/13

OP posts:
lottiejenkins · 10/07/2009 17:05

I would certainly tell the parents! thats way too young to be smoking!!

Nancy66 · 10/07/2009 17:07

Hmmm I do think puffing on a fag with a mate is a rite of passage. I did it around 12 - coughed my guts up and never did it again.

LaurieFairyCake · 10/07/2009 17:13

Yes, it is a rite of passage but I also think it takes a community to raise a child and you could tell her mum.

I would be very happy if someone told me that about dd, not because I wouold yell at her but because we could then have a chat about it.

Devongirl · 10/07/2009 17:27

Can you talk to the girl? Could you give her a week to tell her mum herself? That might be enough to scare her into stopping doing it altogether

crokky · 10/07/2009 17:33

I'd put an anonomous letter in the post addressed to her mother. Can't be traced back to you. (assuming the girl didn't see you see her smoking).

Woudl want to know if it was one of my DCs.

HerBeatitudeLittleBella · 10/07/2009 17:53

I think it would depend on the mother tbh.

If I knew her to be a reasonable, civilised person, I think I'd tell. If I knew she was an hysterical shoot-the-messenger type, I wouldn't. If I knew nothing of her, I still don't know what I'd do...

LovelyTinOfSpam · 10/07/2009 17:59

Personally I wouldn't tell the mum.

But understand why others would.

sunfleurs · 10/07/2009 18:09

I wouldn't. Daughter will become a horrible teenager and then she and all her gang of mates will give you a hard time for as long as you live there.

Rather shocked by the suggestion of an anonymous letter, always thought this rather a terrible thing to do about anything really.

salbysea · 10/07/2009 18:16

nah, at 12/13 we (my classmates) were all experimenting with cigarettes, most didnt keep it up,

TBH her parents will know - if the smell of smoke doesnt give it away the excessive use of impulse to cover it up will

My parents knew, all my friends parents knew

CyradisTheSeer · 10/07/2009 19:19

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heronsfly · 10/07/2009 19:25

I wouldn't,its not really anyone else's buisness,if shes a hard core smoker the mum will find out soon enough.

SolidGoldBrass · 10/07/2009 19:31

Mind your own business. Smoking isn;t great but it's not like thieving or violence whereupon the DD is harming someone else, and she will either get herself caught without your interference or get bored with smoking and stop.
Also, unless you know the parents pretty well, they might punish the girl in ways you would find unacceptable (some people get hysterical about smoking - suppose they decide to beat her, smash her possessions, ground her for 6 months).

Grassing up teenagers for stuff that isn;t actually harming anyone else is officious wanky behaviour, anyway.

sunfleurs · 10/07/2009 19:45

So true SGB.

My Mum was a bit of a nutcase especially during my teenage years, being caught smoking would have resulted in a punishment out of all proportion ie physical beating etc.

Rachmumoftwo · 10/07/2009 19:48

Mind your own business! Poor girl can't even rebel without the neighbours telling her mum.

RunningGirl · 10/07/2009 19:58

I got grassed up for smoking by a neighbour when I was about 15 (she also grassed up my dad who had supposedly given up!) and although she's still a really good friend of my parents, I have never forgiven her (note to self to ask dad if he has). I am now an ex and anti smoker but would still say - don't do it!!

Simples · 10/07/2009 19:58

NO NO NO NO NO WAY

SlartyBartFast · 10/07/2009 19:59

i wouldnt either, epitomy of nosy neighbour, she won't thank you i am sure and she will find out or the daughter was just experimenting.