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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In thinking that if you pick a name for your child, that's what you should call them.

139 replies

whiteKnightblacKstars · 07/07/2009 17:10

Have namechanged in case person i'm talking about is a member.

My SIL had a son and gave him a certain name - which can be shortened.

Since birth she has never called him by his full name and insists on calling him by this shortened version (which to me is nothing more than a nickname)
To all of her friends its really cool that her soon has this shortened name. And my DH reckons that she doesn't like the full name at all and that is why she uses the shortened one, and he also reckons that she does it to impress her friends with her 'cool' ways. (She named him after her and DH's Uncle who passed away while she was pregnant) DH reckoned that she only gave him the name to bring the family's focus back to her after the funeral.

AIBU to think that she should have named him something she intended to call him. I realise that its not really my place to say what she should be calling her son, but to me its just daft to give your child a name and then NEVER use it.

OP posts:
Rialentless · 07/07/2009 23:33

my grandad was John, but also has "Jack" on his headstone

DM has a long name that has never been shortened.

I have a shortened version of a "proper" name. Considered the proper name for my DCs (but they were boys and don't like the male alternatives, except the short version!)

only DS3 has a name that has a short version, my parents are only just starting to use it now he's 2 (DS1 &2 get an initial), ILs wouldn't DARE! DS1 used to tell people "my name is Jxxx, but you can call me John" (his middle/GFs name)

in answer to OP - don't know! (I have a lot of issues with SIL... eg, putting me on same table as DH exW at wedding reception...)

FAQinglovely · 07/07/2009 23:45

"I think you need something more challenging to occupy your time. Open University degree? "

bruffin · 08/07/2009 00:19

I thought short or nick names were a sign of affection and closeness. Both my DC's have formal names for when they are in trouble and shortened names for everyday.

MamaLazarou · 08/07/2009 08:48

YABU

My mum chose my name because she liked the shortened version, which she (and everyone else) called me until I got older and decided I preferred the long version. I think it's quite nice to have a 'proper' name to change to when you've decided you're grown up enough to shed your childhood nickname.

Natt82 · 08/07/2009 08:54

Yabu, her child, her choice

Personally I dont like having long names that can be shortened and never using the long name - so I called my children both names that cant be shortened. As nicknames they both have ie added to the end of their names, which as they are both under 3 is ok for us.

Shortening/lengthening/replacing names has gone on for many generations, and is up to the parent/child concerned and them only. Nowt to do with you.

verygreenlawn · 08/07/2009 09:42

This is NOT a modern trend!

From what I can work out in DH's family, EVERYONE was known by a different name to their birth certificate name. DH's mum had four sisters, who all had completely different names, for example one of them was imaginatively called "Sis" (in fact I have no idea what her real name is, but I know it isn't Sis). Sis is married to Dick, whose real name is John. You get the picture.

My own dad is Robert, known as Jack. My maternal gran was Frances, known as Esme. In fact I remember bursting into tears when I went to see her body at the undertakers because I thought they'd got her name wrong on the coffin plate.

I once had a Portuguese colleague called Maria, who was always known by her middle name to family. When I asked why she said "do you have any idea how many Marias there are in Portugal?!"

gladders · 08/07/2009 12:18

how odd.

i wanted to call ds charles - to honour my mum's family - but he would always have been called charlie.... now that i come to think of it i don't really like charles as a name, but am a traditionalist and would never put charlie on a birth certificate.

another friend has a little boy who has always been called frankie because she lves that name. but for his birth cert he was francis - a name that they have never used and dont especially like.

OP sounds a bit deranged to me....

belgo · 08/07/2009 12:32

you have to admit it is a bit odd to put a name on the birth certificate that you don't actually like.

RumourOfAHurricane · 08/07/2009 12:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

lililolo · 08/07/2009 12:36

My Grandfather died last year. His name was Michael, which is not a name I would chose normally (and there are 2 others in the family), but I loved him very much, and have thought if I have a son I might call him Michael too, and call him Mickey. Are you saying this is ridiculous?

MIAonline · 08/07/2009 12:45

I don't like it either. I prefer a name that you pick and stick with and it is odd if someone doesn't even like the full name they chose for their DC.

superfrenchie1 · 08/07/2009 13:13

agree that this is a weird op.

i think maybe you know my friends whose child is called WOODY but his real name is EDWARD

  • everyone, absolutely everyone thinks of this kid as Woody and most would have no idea his real name was Edward. Right from when he was born he was always always Woody.

anyway it totally doesn't matter to you and none of your business what other people call their kids.

weird

lljkk · 08/07/2009 13:14

YABU to OP, but you must know that by now .

I must confess -- I dislike only NNs on birth certificates. Like putting down Timmy instead of Timothy. Why not give DC a choice of nice names to be called by, rather than limiting it to a little child's or close friend's version of that name?

We regularly use both full names and various nicknames for DC.

nappyaddict · 08/07/2009 13:35

YABU. I prefer to put the proper full name on the birth certificate because it gives them more options over what they want to be known as when they are older, but would probably use a shortened version every day.

MiniMarmite · 08/07/2009 13:44

YABU - was going to say exactly what nappyaddict said.

My DH has never been known by his formal name but it is useful for bank stuff etc

Dizzyclarebear · 08/07/2009 13:48

YABU - but again, think you know.

We're just going through this now as we're expecting 1st DC. There's a name I like if it's a girl which can have a longer version. DH has said that although he likes the name for a little girl, even fine when grown up with friends/family, or if she goes into a creative career, it won't sound right if she's say, CFO of a FTSE100

So we'll go with full/long name for bc - never planning on using it ourselves but in DH's words 'give her the option to earn a fortune and keep us in our old age'.

Of course still expecting DC 1 - we're bound to change our minds a million times between now and filling out BC....

barnsleybelle · 08/07/2009 14:06

I'm with Belgo...

Ds is Zak and that's what's on his cert as that's what his name is. Simple really.
Although his friends have now started calling him Zakky which i loathe .

Blondeshavemorefun · 08/07/2009 14:15

yabu

name depending its nice to have a shortened name

friend dc was edward, but got shortened to teddy as a baby,which was really cute but now he is 8 he liked being called ed, eddy and ted

also as child is learning to write at school, writing alex instead of alexandra is much easier

we have a josephine at school who is known as jo

whats the name btw?

gladders · 08/07/2009 14:40

belgo - would only be odd to give your child a name you weren't mad about if it was going to be usedl the time. to call my child charles (for my Mum's family) but have him known as charlie would have made lots of people (me included) very happy.

I think this is pretty similar to OP's SIL? she might not love the full name - but it was only ever intended as a tribute to her uncle. i ssume she loves the short version though (cool or otherwise )

think we need to know the name op?

archibald/archie?
alfred/freddie?
Frederick/freddy?
Edward/Teddy?

katiestar · 08/07/2009 14:56

i can understand why people do this ,what I can't understand is why people call them something completely different from their official name .I know one family who have done this to all their DCs .Another family little girl known as 'sandy' but real name is martha mary.Just bizarre !

brightongirldownunder · 08/07/2009 15:08

My DD is called Evie but I call her Lolo
Don't ask me why.
She does know, however, that her name is Evie, thank god.

ShauntheSheep · 08/07/2009 15:19

Calling people by shortened names isnt exactly cool adn trendy is it? considering its being going on for centuries. Now giving children what are essentially nicknames (Peggy Daisy Chris Charlie Andy Alfie Fred to name but a few) is def much more trendy as most of our parents generation were given a 'proper' name and then known by a nickname. So I think YABU. It seems a pretty normal, ordinary and reasonable thing to me.

sweetss · 08/07/2009 15:30

I am with katiestar, just don't understand why people name the children something to then go on and call them something totally different from day one. I am not talking about pet names, but real, legit names that they could have just picked if they liked them better instead....

VinegarTits · 08/07/2009 15:30

My ds1 has a very beautiful(imo) trditionl name, but i hate the shortened version of it, however all his friends have shortened it but i still call him by the long version

With ds2 i specifically choose a name that i would like both long and shortened versions of, as i knew it would get shortened by lazy people

Anyway, i disgress, YABU, you sound as if you have ishoos with her

warthog · 08/07/2009 15:44

life is too short. really. move on.

YABU