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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

In thinking that if you pick a name for your child, that's what you should call them.

139 replies

whiteKnightblacKstars · 07/07/2009 17:10

Have namechanged in case person i'm talking about is a member.

My SIL had a son and gave him a certain name - which can be shortened.

Since birth she has never called him by his full name and insists on calling him by this shortened version (which to me is nothing more than a nickname)
To all of her friends its really cool that her soon has this shortened name. And my DH reckons that she doesn't like the full name at all and that is why she uses the shortened one, and he also reckons that she does it to impress her friends with her 'cool' ways. (She named him after her and DH's Uncle who passed away while she was pregnant) DH reckoned that she only gave him the name to bring the family's focus back to her after the funeral.

AIBU to think that she should have named him something she intended to call him. I realise that its not really my place to say what she should be calling her son, but to me its just daft to give your child a name and then NEVER use it.

OP posts:

piscesmoon · 07/07/2009 19:24

I think that a choice is only fair. If I had parents who called me names like Teddy or Kitty I would want to change it once I was old enough to understand!

FAQinglovely · 07/07/2009 19:27

YABU.

Only one of my 3 DS's regularly get called by their full name by DH or myself.

And actually DS1 has taken to using one of the shortened versions of his name on his school work....I'm sure when he's older and has to explain that "Taffy" isn't a Welshman he'll change his mind

Longtalljosie · 07/07/2009 19:37

"he also reckons that she does it to impress her friends with her 'cool' ways."

It sounds like you and your DH spend quite enough time bitching about this woman - don't expect the rest of us to join in.

She's only doing what about half the parents in the country do.

helsbels4 · 07/07/2009 19:47

Do you mean she gave him a name - let's say for instance, James but she calls him Jamie? Or are you saying she gave him a name - James - but calls him Button???

If it's a shortened version of his proper name then I don't see the problem at all because it's no different to being called Dave or Steve or Sam but if it is completely different then it is a bit odd.

I knew someone who called all her children different names to the ones they were originally given and whilst I thought it a tad odd, I didn't lose any sleep over it

sayithowitis · 07/07/2009 20:04

Both Dh and I have names that are often shortened. People tend to call us by the shortened versions, assuming ( incorrectly) that we prefer it. Because of this, when out DSs were born, we decided that the names we wanted to call them would be the names on their birth certificates. Therefore, DS1 has a name which is assumed to be a diminutive of a particular name. In his case however, the 'shortened' version is his name. if he doesn't like it when he is an adult, he has the option to use his middle name, or indeed any other name that he might prefer. As it happens, he loves his name, he is now 20 so I don't suppose he is likely to change his mind now.

So,I tend to agree with the OP.

TheProfiteroleThief · 07/07/2009 20:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lockets · 07/07/2009 20:10

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RenagadeMum · 07/07/2009 20:12

Off the thread but I love Kitty too.

Only again, I would consider calling them Katherine just in case.

lockets · 07/07/2009 20:15

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Bumperslucious · 07/07/2009 20:16

My parents have never ever called me by the name on my birth certificate though they gave it to me in case I wanted something a bit more 'grown up'. And they were right to do so. I have gone through several incarnations of my name and have currently settled on the full version. Thankfully I didn't have to have the 'cute' version my whole life (though I must admit it does make life a bit confusing).

Anyway YABU, why do you even care? So what if she doesn't like the long version? SO what if she is trying to be cool. I would love it if my friends thought I was cool (they don't ).

What I find weird is when nicknames aren't shorter than the actual names - like Jack for John, or Harry for Henry. Now that is unreasonable (Not really, but it is a bit weird dontcha think?)

cory · 07/07/2009 21:53

what rasputin said

when dd was little we used a shortened (and more common and easily pronouncable) version of her name; now that she is growing up she wants something a bit more grown up

for ds we used a translation of his (foreign) name as my (lovely but not terribly bright) MIL proved incapable of remembering his real name

his friends at school are fine remembering his real name, so he is increasingly using that

Wilkiepedia · 07/07/2009 21:56

Haven't read whole thread but in answer to OP. YABU, I use my son's full name and his nickname all the time. Most people call him his nickname.

And: "...DH reckoned that she only gave him the name to bring the family's focus back to her after the funeral." sounds like sour grapes to me!!!

Qally · 07/07/2009 21:59

Firstly, perhaps the calling him after her uncle was a loving gesture towards her mother/father, who'd lost a sibling? And perhaps she just doesn't like the full name, but really likes the shortened version?

Besides, a lot of people call their kids a short version but keep the formal on official forms. My son's full name is Tobias, but we always call him Toby, and always intended to. We chose to call him the long version so he has options when he's older - he can choose to use whichever he prefers. Fashions in names change quite sharply, you can't know what weight a name will carry in a couple of decades, and you can't know which names they themselves will like, either.

YABU.

Qally · 07/07/2009 22:02

Oh, and it also seems really improbable that she needed the name to get attention after the funeral. Having a baby tends to attract family attention perfectly well all by itself.

ConnieComplaint · 07/07/2009 22:46

Everyone calls my dad Wes.

His name is actually Robert John......

Wonder why not Rab, Rob, Robbie, Bert, Bertie.... no idea why he gets Wes but he does..... I doubt whether my granny thought it was cool 70 years ago..

ConnieComplaint · 07/07/2009 22:48

And his two sisters are called completely different names...

eg: Janet is known as Pearl. I have never questioned it!! Perhaps I should.... Jaysus, I've just realised.. perhaps Connie isn't my real name after all

lockets · 07/07/2009 22:48

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StayFrosty · 07/07/2009 23:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

trixymalixy · 07/07/2009 23:15

YABU,both DH and I are usually called by shorter versions of our 'sunday names' and we deliberately picked a name for Ds that could be shortened in the same way.

Ds gets called by his longer name when he is in trouble as did I when i was younger.

I remember a boss of mine who called me by the longer version of my name to begin with and every time he spoke to me i nearly had a heart attack thinking i was getting a row!!!

You seem to have some issues with your SIL.

fruitstick · 07/07/2009 23:16

What a ridiculous OP. So every one called Liz, Ted, Jim, Harry, Kate, Sue, Pete etc all had ridiculous parents who were wholly unreasonable.

DS has a long name which will only be used on official forms and by me when he is in trouble (really big trouble and I'll throw in his middle name as well).

Day to day he just has the one syllable.

trixymalixy · 07/07/2009 23:17

Actually thinking about it all my Uncles and my grandparents were known mostly by shortened versions of their real names as well.

bizarre OP.

hatesponge · 07/07/2009 23:19

YABU

My nanna and siblings all had italian names which they took upon themselves to anglicise when growing up in the East End between the wars, in order to 'fit' in better - hence Seraphina was known as Sarah, Giovanni as Johnny etc - and oddly Elisaveta known as Florrie. No, we've never worked that one out either!

Notwithstanding this, it didnt stop most of them in turn giving their own children italian names which were then either anglicised or shortened for everyday use.

Not really any big deal is it?

thumbwitch · 07/07/2009 23:25

YABU
By DS has a long name, we use the short name on a daily basis (plus a number of other "silly" names that he responds equally well to) and I use the long one when he's playing up.

An aunt of mine had a given name that no one used apart from her husband - everyone else called her by the nickname her Dad had given her when she was about 10.

Can't see the problem with it myself - if anything, I have more of a problem with the idea that the name can't be shortened (e.g. a woman I know has a son named Tobias, never ever to be referred to as Toby, God forbid ) - too autocratic. I bet when he's old enough all his mates will call him Toby anyway!

queenofthenewyear · 07/07/2009 23:26

I do use my babes' full names because I like them, although I have no problem with any of the short versions that they will inevitably end up with, through school friends or their own choice. A nickname has somehow developed for DD though, so I call her by that equally as often as her proper name - it has just happened, without any intention behind it. I guess that's how most names evolve.

LupusinaLlamasuit · 07/07/2009 23:29

Has Jeremy Kyle run out of people to DNA test then?

I think you need something more challenging to occupy your time. Open University degree?

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