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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

In thinking that if you pick a name for your child, that's what you should call them.

139 replies

whiteKnightblacKstars · 07/07/2009 17:10

Have namechanged in case person i'm talking about is a member.

My SIL had a son and gave him a certain name - which can be shortened.

Since birth she has never called him by his full name and insists on calling him by this shortened version (which to me is nothing more than a nickname)
To all of her friends its really cool that her soon has this shortened name. And my DH reckons that she doesn't like the full name at all and that is why she uses the shortened one, and he also reckons that she does it to impress her friends with her 'cool' ways. (She named him after her and DH's Uncle who passed away while she was pregnant) DH reckoned that she only gave him the name to bring the family's focus back to her after the funeral.

AIBU to think that she should have named him something she intended to call him. I realise that its not really my place to say what she should be calling her son, but to me its just daft to give your child a name and then NEVER use it.

OP posts:

TheArmadillo · 07/07/2009 17:26

really belgo?

Going back generations my family have used the first name to honour family and the middle name as the individual name the child was actually known as (with family/friends anyway).

It's only been in the last 2 generations this has really changed. I know several other families have done this - in many different cultures.

Nicknames as a shortened form of the 'formal' name isn't exactly a recent invention either.

FiveGoMadInDorset · 07/07/2009 17:26

A trend that started in my family 70+ years ago Belgo

we gave DD and DS a longer name as they sound smarter when older but both have nicknames.

castlesintheair · 07/07/2009 17:27

Does it matter? DD1 has never been known by her full-name. She is known by her nick-name (even at school/GP etc), which in this country is a full-name. DH is known, and always been, by his middle name, as are all his brothers. Even my mum has always been known by her nick-name. Had never really thought about it before, but we are all completely daft.

sweetnitanitro · 07/07/2009 17:27

You think it's silly to name a child one name and then call them by a shortened version of it, even though it has been going on for hundreds and hundreds of years? YABU and ridiculous.

belgo · 07/07/2009 17:30

I don't mind the occasional nickname, but I find it very odd never to use the name on a child's birth certificate. I just don't see the point of having a choice.

lou031205 · 07/07/2009 17:31

"To all of her friends its really cool that her soon has this shortened name. And my DH reckons that she doesn't like the full name at all and that is why she uses the shortened one, and he also reckons that she does it to impress her friends with her 'cool' ways. (She named him after her and DH's Uncle who passed away while she was pregnant) DH reckoned that she only gave him the name to bring the family's focus back to her after the funeral."

Do you always form your opinions on what your DH thinks? Do you not have your own opinion of your SIL?

YABU, and a little mean. It was her uncle, why shouldn't she honour him?

belgo · 07/07/2009 17:34

It reminds me of that thread when the poster was insisting on calling her new born baby 'Wednesday', but using the nickname Daisy. I wonder if that was for real?

MaDuggar · 07/07/2009 17:34

What's wrong with having a cool name for your child anyway?

ShowOfHands · 07/07/2009 17:35

What the flying fricking monkey is going on here?

Shock horror, child has name.

I'm really very confused.

curlyredhead · 07/07/2009 17:35

What a bizarre thing to be bothered about. Do all nicknames/short versions bother you or just the one your sil uses? Do you and your immediate family not shorten any names ever? Really never?

As others have said, maybe worth pondering if there might be anything more to this one...

Original poster

whiteKnightblacKstars · 07/07/2009 17:38

Ok, I can see that barring Belgo, no-one seems to agree with me on this. That's fine with me, I was just interested in other people's opinions.

I don't think she is honouring her Uncle in any way, shape or form. If she was then she wouldn't seem embarrassed by the name she had chosen for her son, to use a nickname all the time. In DH's family, traditionally the middle name is used to carry on a family member's name - that is how they do it in their family.

I do think its daft to give a child one name then never use and call them something different, just so they can have a choice when they are older
But that is just my opinion.

My Bf had a son, and instead of naming him a long name, she put the shortened name on his BC because she never would have called him by his longer name, so didn't see the point.

OP posts:

Dysgu · 07/07/2009 17:39

I have always been known by the shortened version of my 'real' name and it is only in the last few years that people have started using my 'real' name in professional situations - although some colleagues shorten it even further. These days I do not mind - but when I was younger I was adamant that no one used my 'real' name.

DD1 has a 2-syllable name which is usually shortened. She has been registered at pre-school using this shortened version but does know what her full name is.

DD2 has a 4-syllable name which we usually use in full.

These decisions have only been made after the arrival of each baby and suit each child right now. And they have the option to select own preference when they are older.

FWIW - my mum named my younger sister with a short name with the intention that it would not be shortened (as is my older sister's name as well as mine.) However, my younger sister has not been known by anything other than a nick name (totally unrelated to her (or any other) name) for the last two decades!

Tamarto · 07/07/2009 17:42

'If she was then she wouldn't seem embarrassed by the name she had chosen for her son, to use a nickname all the time.'

In your opinion, to most other people she doesn't seem embarrased by the name at all.

Ah well if your BF did it then everyone else should too, shame that her child will spend their life explaining that no it's not short for Xxsdx it's just X.

Tamarto · 07/07/2009 17:43

Oh and also just because it hasn't been used so far, doesn't mean it never will.

My DCs all have three names two of those are never used how shocking am i!

Original poster

whiteKnightblacKstars · 07/07/2009 17:44

She seems to be embarrassed by the long version of her son's name, hence her need to use the short nickname for him.

OP posts:

Original poster

whiteKnightblacKstars · 07/07/2009 17:45

And I did not say that just because my BF did it that everyone should, I was just pointing out that she had decided that she would never use the full version, so had decided to name him as the shortened version.

OP posts:

lizziemun · 07/07/2009 17:46

We don't call any of our 3 by their full names, but they can allways decide they want to use them when they are older.

But it is more a 'family' tradition in my family i'm never called by my full name. Mind you my grandad and his brother and sister were all called completely different names (eg my great aunt was called Katherine but always know as Joan) now thats confusing.

TheArmadillo · 07/07/2009 17:48

maybe she really likes the shortened version of the name adn she can't use that and then the longer form as a middle name can she

So what if you think it is odd - it's a common practice, most wouldn't think it is weird. Perhaps it is the way they do it in her dh's family and they were combining two traditions.

Either way it's nothing to get het up about and none of your business either.

If you don't have bigger issues in the background that you haven't put down yet then you come across as a class A bitch.

Original poster

whiteKnightblacKstars · 07/07/2009 17:50

I do have issues with her, but I don't think it has any bearing on whether I think that using a nickname for a child instead of its given name is daft.

OP posts:

Tamarto · 07/07/2009 17:51

No you think she seems embarrassed but have no real idea why she does it.

notcitrus · 07/07/2009 17:52

Someone has nickname? Hold the front page!

I admit there's a possibility of extremes - eg my dad and uncle finding out their father's real name at his funeral - but without more information this sounds totally normal!

Original poster

whiteKnightblacKstars · 07/07/2009 17:54

I know why she does it - she doesn't like the name she has given her son and so has instead started using a nickname for him, because she doesn't want to admit that she didn't want to call her son that in the first place. But once she said in front of all the family members, she couldn't take it back.

OP posts:

belgo · 07/07/2009 17:55

'eg my dad and uncle finding out their father's real name at his funeral'

(although I'm sure they didn't find it funny at the time).

I have a few relatives with different names - not just nicknames -but two completely different names.

TheFallenMadonna · 07/07/2009 17:56

You do sound like you have issues with your SIL. Is she cool? Are you and DH a wee bit jealous?

Tamarto · 07/07/2009 17:57

Ah so she told you that then?

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