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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

in thinking my dh is a selfish fuck pig?

46 replies

2anddone · 07/07/2009 11:21

Hi I am not working at the mo and money is tight, last week was my b'day and dh got me nothing except a teddy from the children and said we can't really afford for me to have a b'day present this year. Anyway last night I was checking our bank statement so I knew how much I had to spend at tesco and I saw a charge for £105 to a car cleaning company for car polish! He already needs £80 this month to replace a back box exhaust bit on his car even though there is nothing wrong with it he justs wants to try a different one! I wouldn't mind if it was a nice car but it isn't! So AIBU to think that my dh is selfish to spend £185 on the car and then tell me we can't afford for me to have a b'day present when we are tight on money at the mo? BTW I didn't want anything big from him just some flowers from the supermarket would have done so that I felt he at least had acknowledged my birthday.

OP posts:
ineedalifelaundry · 07/07/2009 11:28

yanbu - that's totally unacceptable. Obviously he could have afforded a small gift because of the money he spent on his car. But even if he couldn't, it doesn't take much imagination tyo come up with something free - a massage, or a hot bubble bath, or a slap up dinner with candles (cooked by him obv!)

He sounds very thoughtless. Is he always like this?

Katisha · 07/07/2009 11:28

In my experience men are pretty good at rationalising why the DWs birthday present is something unimportant. They don't get the emotional message that this sends at all.

Have you said anything because he won't work it out for himself...

QueenofAllWildThings · 07/07/2009 11:30

Yes he is selfish - I would have to bring it up, even if it caused an argument. I got a book from my DH for my birthday as it was the end of the month, with a promise of something nicer once he'd been paid. Of course this never materialised, but at least he did choose the book for me and wrap it.

Cars are a total money pit!

ImOverHere · 07/07/2009 11:30

YANBU - There would have been a massive bloody row in our house about that. I'd also have probably gone and done something to the car, but I'm a harridan like that.

TheProvincialLady · 07/07/2009 11:31

Never mind whether it was your birthday or not - spending £200 on non essentials for a car without discussing it first is Not On when you are short of money.

Does he do this generally? This is probably why you are short of money.

RealityIsMyOnlyDelusion · 07/07/2009 11:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

SolidGoldBrass · 07/07/2009 11:31

Some people don't think birthdays are a big deal. Is your H one of those? Because if so you do actually have to tell him that you want some effort made (as INLL says, he could have done something that didn't involve spending money). I know nothing about cars so can't say whether it sounds reasonable for him to spend that much on car stuff - does he use the car for his job or something and need it to look smart (ie is he a chauffeur or cabby?).

GrinnyPig · 07/07/2009 11:32

Yes, he is selfish. I'm a bit that anyone would want to replace a back box just to try a different one.

Lizzylou · 07/07/2009 11:34

YANBU, completely out of order, kick his ass

However, I have expanded my list of fave insults now
"Selfish Fuck Pig"
"Fucktard"

Fab.

HecatesTwopenceworth · 07/07/2009 11:37

Yes. selfish. If it matters to you it should matter to the person who loves you. I'd have to have a chat with him - because keeping it in will only make things tense between you. You can't sweep things under the carpet.

Angstisme · 07/07/2009 11:37

Around his birthday I suggest you treat yourself to a new outfit and hair do after all that seems to be how it works, you buy yourself something nice to celebrate the other persons birthday, unconventional but hey

Walkingwiththighosaurs · 07/07/2009 11:38

YANBU that is totally selfish of him. Of course you will return the favour when his birthday comes round, now won't you

Original poster
2anddone · 07/07/2009 12:21

He does do this sort of thing occasionnally, usually gets himself something right before christmas and then can't afford to get me anything much. He has always been a bit car obsessed so probably doesn't even realise that what he has done is shit! The thing is I always get him something for his b'day even if its not that much if we are struggling but my hair is in desperate need of a cut and colour and I am waiting til after pay day as it costs about £50 and I think that maybe I could have got it done and called it my b'day present as it is we now have to be extra careful til end of month cos only got enough for food and petrol

OP posts:
ineedalifelaundry · 07/07/2009 12:29

'probably doesn't even realise that what he has done is shit!'

He needs to be told. He can't put himself and his penis extension car before his loved ones.

ineedalifelaundry · 07/07/2009 12:32

Sorry that should have read penis extension car. I'm still learning!

Momdeguerre · 07/07/2009 12:37

YANBU - selfish git.

MamaLazarou · 07/07/2009 13:20

YANBU

He sounds very selfish (and you don't seem to like him very much).

imaynotbeperfectbutimokmummy · 07/07/2009 13:55

£105 for car polish? What is it, a bugatti?? You are right, he is a twunt

JesuslovesCatholicSchools · 07/07/2009 14:03

he's a fuckmonkey of the highest order

HolyGuacamole · 07/07/2009 14:06

£105!!! I would have polished the car for him for a tenner.

YANBU.

itsalwaysthequietones · 07/07/2009 14:06

Would have to agree with the general sentiment of all the above

MoonchildNo6 · 07/07/2009 14:08

Just sell the bits he's bought on ebay (plus any other selfish purchases) and go out and treat yourself on the proceeds. YANBU.

zeke · 07/07/2009 14:15

Wow - that is selfish.
Neither DH or myself would spend that kind of money without running it by each other first, and we are ok for money.
Maybe you should agree not to get each other birthday gifts in future but buy yourself something nice around that time instead (that is what DH and I do!).

DrunkenDaisy · 07/07/2009 15:00

cut his fucking balls off.

SecretNinjaChipmunk · 07/07/2009 15:12

drunkendaisy do you have a thing about cutting peoples bollocks off? i love the in-yer-face-ness of your posts. i bet you're a lady who gets what she wants

i would have a big case of catsbum face if this happened to me. poor you, i don't think yabu at all. but i do think you have to tell him as it sounds like it just doesn't occur to him that this might have hurt your feelings?